Jun 17, 2018

Father's day: the rant.

I don't get along with my old man. It seems that we are doomed to push each other's buttons and end up fighting all the time. We're both too stubborn to adnit it to each other that our own egos are getting in the way. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a lot like my father... I've spent half my life trying to get his approval, but like the Asian Father meme, I'll never be good enough for him. I know this is borderline on too much personal info and not exactly a house of rants theme, but I'm getting there, I promise.
Spent most of my life running away from becoming him and I failed miserably... well, maybe the only victory I have is that I'm still not a father, so I haven't become him... or become something else...

So, yeah, I don't get along with my old man... I found solace in TV dads like Phillip Banks, Alan Matthews, George Feeny (not a dad, but he was like one), Carl Winslow, Danny Tanner, Willie Tanner, Mr. Drummond, etc.

I know what you might be thinking: "Gee, Nefty, you lost your Mom,  but your Dad is still alive; why don't you try to bury the hatchet while you still have him around?"
I tried, Oh my God, I tried! It just didn't work out. In our own waroed way, we love each other, even if we can't stand one another. Me, being his greatest failure on his eyes, while all I see is this unstoppable Juggernaut who my subconscious uses as an avatar of ny own darkness and fears.
Like Liquid, I was discarded by Big Boss who took a liking to a Solid son... but, I still love my old man, as flawed as we are. I can't tell him how much I love him becaise he won't listen and we'll end uo arguing. I'm choosing to stay away for the sake of my own stability... I don't need a reminder of all my failures... My own depression takes care of reminding me every single day. (Sometimes using his voice, others using my own voice... subconscious can be a douche at times.)

What I'm trying to say is that NOT EVERYONE has that wonderful father/son (or daughter) relationship that is shown on many TV shows and movies.
Some of us get less than stellar fathers, and othwrs get actual monsters. Those of us who get the less than stellar or worse have a strongly ingrained fear of becoming them.

So to those of us who have estranged fathers, this day may not be the best day ever. All I can do is wish a happy father's day to those of you who are reading this and ARE FATHERS, also a bit of advice: Wanting the best for ypur child is awesome... just be careful that your high expectations don't end up crushing your child... That can put a horrible strain on the relationship.

Also, He-Man is a crappy father now...

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