Advent Calendar 20: Eddie Guerrero's car comes with Rey Mysterio?

It's a bit weird that Mattel makes a Lowrider and puts Rey Mysterio on it when the lowrider guy was

I guess that Eddie Guerrero being dead might be the reason. But he's gotten a few figures released way after his death. 

This is the lucha lowrider. Seems that Mattel is moving away from the wrekkin action features... Now they're doing normal vehicles...

We need a Limo and Kurt Angle's Milk truck. 

First let's take care of Rey Mysterio, el vato cabrón de San Diego. He's a basic figure... but with decent hip articulation. He can do the splits. In fact, he has Orogons level of arti culation except at the ankles, where the shoes are 1 piece. He comes with 3 accessories:

Necklace

Crutch too tall for him

Wooden bat painted silver.

His overall score is 4.17 so let's do the car.

*sigh* where to begin.

Mattel cut corners making the vehicle not as practical.

Lack of paint apps is not the issue. Look at those cheap ass seats... also notice the back seats being literally on the floor with no room for any passenger.

Nick: So whaddya think? Old Man bought one of Eddie Guerrero's card from Rey Mysterio.
Alicia: No one cares about big sweaty men groping each other in a huge ass mattress. 
Barbara: WAIT! DID YOU MEET REY?
Ashley. No, we didn't see him without his mask... Dingus! Show em what this baby can do.
Nick: Play some funky music, Ash!

Not even Wonder Alice fit in that backseat, much less an actual wrestler... or Roclsteady and Bebop... in fact it barely fits 2 Foot Soldiers...

I won't lie and pretend I didn't get this to become a Foot Cruiser. Like the failed Foot Tenderizer... So, this might become something else.

I know this is a WWE vehicle and not a TMNTU vehicle, but if I wanna have Rikishi, Yokozuna, Rosie, and Jamal riding, I should be able to. I could barely fit El Torito and Hornswoggle in the back.

My vehicle has an issue. The back left "hydraulic" doesn't want to stay in and I have to try multiple times until the hook hooks the leg. The spring loaded action features (hydraulics, trunk flinging) are on hair triggers. 

It's good for play features, but for display features is a pain. 

Ashley: Lucia we better get in scissor position because... whoa!
Alicia: Niiiiiiiiiiiiiick you asshole!
Barbara: Wooo!
Nick: I'm gonna call this car, the titty...
Barbara: Let me guess, because it bounces?
Nick: No... yeah...
Alicia: Fine! All you had to do was follow the damn train, CJ!

Personally, I feel the car should've been a smidgen wider. The car is slightly wider than the ATV.

Barbara: You heard Little Smoke, Nick!
Nick: Licia, Ash, how's the bounce on the back???
Alicia: Kyaaaa!
Ashley: Don't you dare stop, I'm this close!
Nick: That answers that.
 Barbara: I wanna sit in the backseat! Don't you dare, Ashley!
Ashley: Too late!
Nick: Its Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!

I also would wish there were more paint applications. To make it look less cheap. It's not bad, but it could've been better. We need a Limo. Or Kurt Angle's Milk truck...

Advent Calendar 19: April I'm c-

 

Oming... you thought I was going to end that word in -umming! But this April is a bit kinky with the blindfold and binding device...

It is April based on the 1987 cartoon with a smaller noggin than the previous release.

Articulation 

April has articulation similar to Hasbro Marvel Legends, with the exception of the double jointed elbows. Elbows and knees are scary hard to move... Her legs are supposed to be MOTUC-LIKE but I can't get her to make the thigh cut rotation... and since she's NECA, I ain't gonna try too hard either.

4.0

Leo; So what do we do with this strange statue... April!?
April: Guys, Are you there? Help me!
April: It's an impostor!
Don: Ooh, a Spider-Man Meme Situation here. Both sound alike, how do we figure this out?
Raph: We could put them to the test or accept the one with the oversized noggin' as the impostor. This ain't Among Us?
Mike: Brothers, you forget that I am well versed on the arts and I've studied April throughout the years and I can identify the real one from the impostor.

Paint and sculpt

While I don't like the longer neck she has, It's accurate to her appearance in some episodes. From A sculping perspective, this figure is a much needed improvement over the previous release, especially on the head size. I've No complaints on the painting department aside the usage of cel shading. I know the cartoon line has fake cel shading you look, but I've never liked it.

5.0

BHApril: But I'm the real deal!
April: Thank you, Michelangelo! You saved me from the impostor.
Leo: So how did you figured it out, Mikey?
Mikey: Elementary, my Dear Brother!! The false April has smaller boobs than the real one. Not to mention her butt is a bit sagging and unlike the real April who has a Brazilian strip, fake April had a full bush. Not to mention the fake's left nipple is an innie, when Real April has both as outies. Not to mention her freckle arrangement is wrong.
Raph: But what about the big noggin?
Don: Maybe she identifies as a Funko PoP?
Renet: What in Judith Hoag into Paige Turco is going on here!?

Accessories

Tons of extra hands (10)

2 extra heads careful, peg is thin with a big ball.

Camera

Mic

Audio recorder with mic

Binding device

Portrait (of April's Aunt?)

Statue

Baby Pizza Monster

Flower pot

Pot with Mutated plant

Turtle Comm

This is a 

5.0

Overall: 

April gets a 4.67 as her final score. The only thing that ruins a perfect support is the articulation. It's great on paper but in reality NECA joints are scary. They can give great range or break... Especially on a figure with small pegs like April. 

Donatello: Wow, this device allows you to travel through tine?
Renet: Yeppers! You guys will find one and end in Ancient Japan!
Raph: Look at me, I'm the Doctor now.
Leonardo: Must not stare!
Mike: Booooooooooooooobieeeees!
April: Michelangelo! What does that Ditzy cow have that I don't! You said I had nice boobs! Pay attention to me!
Renet: Go on Mikey, squeeze'em!

But I also got a Loose almost complete Renet on eBay, so Let's do her review too! Renet is an apprentice Timestress. Studying under Lord Simultaneous. She often gets the Turtles in trouble with her time travel shenanigans. Usually they end up being fights against Savanti Romero. He's a goatman demonic douche.

Lord S.: RENET! STOP DILLY-DALLYING AND RETURN HOME!
Renet: Damn, That's my Teacher Lord Simultaneous!
Raph: well, he has a decent rack now...
Donatello: I guess I must give you back your time machine.
Leo: I'm faithful to Lotus, I'm faithful to Lotus!
April: Yeah, go home you ditzy cow! These are MY Turtles!
Mikey: Let me honk'em!

Articulation

Renet possesses the standard Mirage articulation. Her double joints are more traditional and pinned, which is a turnoff to some. Weirdly enough she lacks a boot cut articulation. Now while the articulation works on Paper, she's still a NECA and requires the utmost care.

4.5

Mikey: Yours are the best boobs I've ever touched.
Renet: Why thanks!
April: (thought) Why am I jealous of Renet getting Michelangelo's attention? I don't like him that way... but it feels nice when he looks at me like I'm his goddess. I really NEED to get laid or get better simps that aren't Turtles, Vernon, or that weird sports dude...

Paint and sculpt

Mirage figures have a bit less shading than toon versions, but they still get inklines. Renet has very few of those on her body,  but her outfit has more. Her sculpt is really good and detailed with the tiny watches and her big knockers. Her cowlless face reminds me of someone I used to know.

5.0

Leo: Oh Lotus, where are you. 
Raph: I feel you. Mona Lisa isn't here either.
Don: I'll even take Irma, God, why are all chick's going for Mikey?
April: Aren't you supposed to be leaving now, Time Ho?
Renet: I would if Mikey would let go.
Mikey: Please Renny, don't make me let go. Your boobs are perfectly made for my hand!
BH April: I got Yamcha'd... Hey, you three! Let me live and I'll do things your April won't!
Raph: We forgot about the impasta!

Accessories

Timestress headdress

Pulled back cowl

Cowlless head

4 extra hands

Time Scepter

Dagger

Soft goods cape with wires inside

Lord Simultaneous head

Mine was missing a scroll, but I can live with that.

5.0

Mikey: Renet's gone, guys and all I have is a dagger to remember her.
April: Michelangelo, I'll let you touch my boobs and butt...
Mikey: No thanks, April... You're no Renet.
April: Fuck this shit, I'm out!

Overall

Renet gets a 4.83 as her final score. The only issue is the articulation versus fragility of the figure. NECA can't fully be trusted here.

Wonder if Super7 will do 2k3 Renet... not my favorite outfit, but still a Renet. Also, needs the long haired Alternate head from the time she and the turtles got stuck in the far past.

Advent Calendar 18: Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!

 

Bloodsport Was my mom's favorite Jean Claude Van Damme movie. Kickboxer, Timecop, Hard Target, Legionnaire, Lionheart, Universal Soldier, Kickboxer, Double Team, Expendables 2,and Street Fighter round up her top 10 JCVD movies. 

Me? Bloodsport, Universal Soldier, and Street Fighter. I'm not like a huge JCVD fan.  His nemesis, Seagal is a different story. A NECA compatible Van Damme was something I couldn't pass. SO HERE WE ARE. 

I will never forget this scene.

Articulation:

The figure is a bit stiff and the knees haven't fully settled enough for me to get them working. On paper he has Marvel Legends level. 

The excessive stiffness is what prevents me from giving him a perfect 5.0. Also, many owners have complained about the drop hips making his legs too loose.

4.5

How the turn tables.

Paint and sculpt:

It's a somewhat realistic yet slightly stylized JCVD from the 80s. It's not an official Bloodsport figure, but it's close enough. One of His heads has a bruised look. I'm not entirely sure, but it seems the torso is black plastic painted in flesh tones. The only real complaint that I have is that the joints inside the crotch are in fleshtone instead of black like his pants. I suppose I'll have to paint them black with a sharpie.

4.5

He can do a Timecop kick

Accessories 

Extra head

Extra hands

2 bottles (one pristine the other broken)

2 chairs

Yes, that's right. Two entire chairs that a seven inch figure can sit comfortably on it. All of that.

For the humongous price tag of twenty five dollars. This is a steal just for the inclusion of the chairs. Any other company would've said, $35 for the figure and chairs.

5.0

Nick: Why is Faraway Promise playing in the background? Am I stuck inside Xenogears disc 2?

Overall:

JCVD gets a 4.67 as his final score. It's really a great figure with a pretty good likeness and awesome articulation on paper. The only minor gripes I have about it are the incredibly stiff joints that can hinder some poses and the flesh colored crotch joint. All I know is that Mom would've loved this figure. 

Advent Calendar 17: Sure you can have some Mighty Wings

 

Get it? Shoryuken, Mighty Wings... obviously, I'm referring to Ken Masters, America's former Martial Arts champion circa 1991?

He's one of the OG Steeet Fighters coming from Street Fighter 1... essentially the P2 character, since Ryu was P1.

Millionaire Playboy, former problem child, Ken Masters was sent to Japan to train under Gouken and essentially be Ryu's punching bag. Problem was that Ken WAS good and kept Ryu on his toes. Both of them pushing each other to the limit.

By the time of the Shadaloo sponsored World Warrior Tournament, Ken gets married and becomes a Family man... (his brother in law's theme goes with everything.) Well, this figure is Ken during the twilight of his bachelor days.

Articulation

Since Ken is a "palette swap of Ryu with a new head" it's to be expected that they have similar articulation. Like most Jada figures, he required a bit of heat to get him going. Most SFII poses can be pulled off.

4.5

If you have Ryu you can fix the Shakunetsu Hadoken mistake.

Paint and sculpt

Here Ken is a bit inferior to Ryu. Mainly in the paint/molding department. The gi has molding issues where colors don't  match. Other than that he's pretty good. It's worth noting that his gi, belt and lower pants ARE NOT Ryu's. I'm afraid that the head hair and belt are painted and not molded in the proper colors. In case of paint chipping Captain paintbrush will have to ride again.

4.0

A Z-Putty flaming fist effect is a decent place holder.
Tenga Warrior Lightning effects male an acceptable Denjin Hadoken energy charge up.
SH Figuarts Dictator is a tenporary stand-in until Jada's arrive.

Accessories:

Extra head

2 extra hands

Shakunetsu Hadoken

Stand for Hadoken

I've already mentioned that he should've gotten a flame effect for the Shoryuken.

5.0

Ryu: Miss Chun, your breasts are rubbing against my arm.
Chun Li: What's the matter, never had a woman this close to you...
Ken: You're barking up the wrong tree Miss Li. My boy Ryu isn't into women.
Chun Li: He's Gay!?
Ken: No! I mean he's not into women, sexually. I mean, he's only into fighting. I think he might be a bit autistic. Seriously, I got him a hooker once and by the time the session was up, he was teaching her martial arts to defend herself.
Fei Long: I don't know why I hang out with you guys...
Ken: You're kissing my ass because you want me to invest in your movie.

Overall

Ken masters gets a 4.5 as his final score. It's not bad, but it could've been better. For a figure 1/3 of the cost of a SH Figuarts, Ken did pretty well, even if he should've  gotten 3 more accessories. (Thunbs up hand, Victory sign hand, Flame shoryuken effect.)

Advent Calendar 16: This Shredder is Super

 

Remember the Best AXN Krang? Well, I got myself a Kevin Nash. Mainly, because At the moment of me buying the figure, we weren't sure if Super7 would deliver a Super Shredder. Mostly due to Playmates being Playmates. With a 10% off, I couldn't let this pass. (Didn't realize that the figure was defective, no refunds... I got fucked.)

As seen on The Secret of the Ooze, Super shredder is Oroku Saki under the effects of the ooze. Turned into a rage field hulking monster, he was defeated by the Turtles. This

Version of Super Shredder looks Like.

A combination of the classic Konami version and the new Shredder's Revenge version.

Articulation:

Big Sexy has better articulation than Krang's Android Body from a visual and functional perspective. The double joints look almost like Hasbro or Mattel's. The only complaints I have are the bicep and thigh cuts. They are nothing more than a straight cut without trying to blend the articulation into the musculature.

4.5

He looks nice...

Paint and sculpt:

I Already mentioned that he looks like a combination of both video game versions of the character. I'm also pleasantly surprised with the amount of detailing and texture on the sculpting. Despite all these details, the figure feels more like a toy than the NECA realistic replica of Kevin Nash. All in all, it works as a decent placeholder for Super7 or SH Figuarts. My only complaint is the non removable plastic cape, as Turtles in Time Shredder was capeless.

5.0

Middle row spikes missing...
Didn't notice that, so my bad.

Accessories:

Mace

Sword

Ooze flame effects from Turtles in Time

4 excareless.

4.5

Overall:

Big Sexy Shredder gets a 4.67 as his final score. It's pretty impressive. How The Loyal Subjects improved upon their toys and turning me into a believer. I might have to get the IDW turtles Just for the sake of turtle multiverse.

Advent Calendar 15: I pity da foo!

 

With a title like that, y'all know I'm talking about First name Mister, middle name Period last name T... Mr.T, as in the man who pities foos. Partner of Hulk Hogan in the first Wrestlemania. 

Sadly, I missed out on the matching Hogan. Don't eat my balls, please! 

Hogan: People said I'm racist, so to prove I'm not, brother here's my N-word friend.
Mr.T: Did you just use the hard R?
Hogan: No I didn't.
Mr.T: I'm revoking your pass, foo!

Articulation

Mr.T has the standard Elite Articulation but with Butterfly shoulders and hinged toes, which are a plus. Unlike Slaughter, he doesn't have any stuck joints.

4.5

Hogan: As you can see, my brother is wearing my Merchandise showing he's my N- negro.
Mr.T: Don't give me no jibba jabba you racist foo!

Paint and sculpt

He looks like Mr.T circa Wrestlemania 1, but using a Mattel WWE buck, which is slightly more stylized than an accurate Mr.T.

There are no signs of paint slop on my figure

4.5

Mr.T: That's it Sucka! It's T time!
Hogan: I want it with Lemon and Honey, brother!

Accessories

Extra head

2 Extra hands

Hogan Crucifix

Mr.T chains

Soft goods Hulkamania shirt

Soft goods robe

Hulkamania cap

Back massager 

5.0

Overall

Mr.T has a final score of 4.67 and I pity da foo who thinks this is a bad figure. For a Mattel WWE figure, this is as good as it gets.

Mr.T: Another foo! Another chain added to the collection. Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to end up this way, as violence is bad, but some foos just won't listen.

Mr.T: All I can do is pity them and hope they change their ways. Hopefully a successor shall come and walk the path of pitying the foos and can solve manners without resorting to violence.

Advent Calendar 14: Not Super7 but "plays with" Super7 Ultimates TMNT

 

Now Playmates is going to come and raid my home for saying that their OG TMNT Line umpteenth rerelease of Krang fits with the Super7 Ultimates line.

Obviously, this figure is not intended to fit with the Super7 Ultimates line. But it's smaller size makes it fit. This Krang  is closer to what an in-scale Krang would be. Let us remember that Krang is supposed to be an Utrom replacement and Utroms moved around in the bellies of human sized android bodies.

S7 Krang: I'm barely 4 years old and I can't stand!!
PM Krang: I'm 37 and I'm standing like it's 1989!
S7 Krang: Bullshit! You're a current year rerelease!
PM Krang: I might be a rerelease but my sculpt is 37!
S7 Krang: Fuck you!

Articulation

Seeing that this is the umpteenth rerelease of a 1989 figure, Don't expect 2020s articulation.

4-6 PoA does enough for the Bubble walker AND HE HAS RATCHET JOINTS!! 

FOR A 1989 TOY whose design already limits articulation:

5.0

S7 Krang: I can STAND! FUCK THOSE ARMS!! THEY WERE KEEPING ME DOWN!
PM Krang: My arms didn't keep me down.
S7 Krang: Shut Up, Dad!

Paint and sculpt

Obviously here he will be lacking since 1989 toy and Playmates, who tends to skimp on paint applications even if they're charging 400% the price of the 1989 figure 

4.0

S7 Krang: So, Saaaakiiiii who do you choose?
S7 Shredder: Playmates! He's actually in-scale to me... just as 1994's smaller Android Body came with an in-scale Krang.
S7 Krang: You fucking Judas...

Accessories

Arms

Gun

Hose

I know it doesn't sound like much but it's serviceable for the figure we got. Let us remember that Super 7 had to pad up version with tons of extra hands and an alternate set of tentacles and a whole new body for Krang to justify their $55 price point. This was a $3-5 figure.($12-15 now)

4.0

PM Krang: SUCCESS!! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN
PM Mike: Dude, 1992 version of me is one of Nefty's top 5 favorite Michelangelos. Playmates ⅛ assed me! I'm made in the wrong plastic!

Overall

OG Krang gets a 4.33 as his final score... for a 1989 figure. I should use 1989 standards for a 1989 toy. Until Super 7 makes an official Android body, The Playmates Krang will be my official Krang on the Super 7 display.

Oh but I'm not done. I have to review that movie Michelangelo I just showed up. But he will not go through the standard toy rating because it would be unfair to him since Playmates fucked him up badly. Yes this is the other reason why Playmates will come after my ass!

For starters they got the plastic wrong. The original figure had a soft rubbery plastic to have this feels like the movie character counterpart. The colors are wrong since they are closer to his 2012 cartoon counterpart than his 1992 live action movie counterpart. 

PM Mike: Playmates already fucked up by using the Leonardo body from the Leonardo anthology release, but they also gave me the wrong accessories.

The accessories are wrong. They aren't the movie figure accessories but the first release Michelangelo figure. Last but not least they tampered with the sculpt and they gave him modern Playmates giant Peg holes which royally suck ass!! If I were to use the standard it came from the Toy Chest scoring system this figure would barely get a one out of five. I'm not rating him out of love to the 1992 toy and the character. Same that the storage shell version of him wasn't available when I got him.

Nefty VO: Fuck you Playmates!

Before you ask:

1. Rock and Roll Michelangelo
2. Head Dropping Michelangelo
3. Sewer Surfin Mike 
4. Skateboarding Mike
5. Movie Star Michelangelo

Advent Calendar 13: Who you gonna call? Ghost Jaga!

Lion-O's own Obi-Wan Kenobi in a way. This is the Jaga Super7 should've made from the start. But given how preordering via Super7 from Puerto Rico is a pain, exclusives like this are now now beyond my grasp. I lucked out on Ghost Jaga. I would've been super pissed if I had to rely on scalpers to get my Phantasmagoric Wisejaguarman. 

Thunderkittens are all I need now... but those will have to be bought via resellers and get raped in the process, as reputable sellers sold out their Thunderkitten stock. But this is a Jaga review not a "Nefty is mad at Super7 and their 2024 shipping to Puerto Rico bullshit rants that make a Mattel former guy very hard... Because he's been waiting for me 
 shit on Super7." Type of rant. You're welcome Ma'am! I almost mentioned his name... 

Jaga: Lion-O. Show me your Sword of Omens.
Snarf: Careful, Lion-O. It could be a trap. *snarf!*
Jaga and Lion-O: Shut up you fuck!
Snarf: I mean I'm no longer the nifty Background *snarf* decoration by Joe Amaro. Both me and Mumm-Ra have official *snarf* Super7 figures!

Articulation:

This is a redo of the previous Jaga. I'm worried about the fragility of the figure due to the pinless joints and the translucent plastic. The plastic Cape isn't that bothersome but I've learned to appreciate soft goods capes with Super7.

4.0

Lion-O: Here you go, Jaga!
Jaga: Why are you showing me that little thing?
Lion-O! Make it big and strong for me.
Snarf: You guys know this is *snarf!* sounding like a cheap dick joke?
Lion-O and Jaga: Shut up you fuck!

Paint and sculpt:

This is a repaint of the previous release but molded in translucent bluish plastic with painted elements to recreate the ghost version of Jaga. He also has a belt now In this area I have no complaints.

5.0

Lion-O: THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOO!
Jaga: Yes! You got it big for me, Lion-O! Yours is almost as big as mine.
Lion-O: But yours is much thicker Jaga.
Snarf: Ayo! Now this is sounding like a dick joke! *snarf!*
Lion-O and Jaga: Shut up you fuck!

Accessories:

Vertical hinge c-grips

Dramatic hands

"Judo chop" hands

Sword of Omens

Other sword.

I wish we had gotten a matching dagger version of the sword of Omens. I would have preferred an additional soft goods cape similar to the Obi-Wan Kenobi Force ghost robe. 

4.5

Jaga: Now, Lion-O! Have your sword touch mine!
Lion-O: mmmmmrrrrrnnngh! Jaga, why is my sword turning white?
Jaga: Your sword is young and in experienced. Let me hold it in my hands while you hold on to mine...
Snarf: I can't  be the only one *snarf!* that sees the phallic *snarf!* references in here!? Jaga's a fucking *snarf* groomer!
Jaga and Lion-O: Shut up you fuck!

Overall:

Ghost Jaga gets a 4.5 as his final score. I got lucky that my favorite version of the character happened to be a bit better in the paint department than the living version of Jaga. Theoretically speaking the living version should have been better but it is what it is I just got a better Spirit figure than a living figure.