It's a bit scary to think that when my Parents were my age, they were dealing with a teenager... They were in relatively stable executive jobs, and had life figured out (or at least they knew how to fake it)...
Me? I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm struggling with depression, PTSD from my Mom's death, my relationship with my father is better when we have no contact; despite my subconscious attempts at self-sabotage, I have a minuscule bit of a romantic life... 98.73% of it has been failure, but I may have found someone who doesn't want anything SERIOUS SERIOUS (settling down, marriage, that type of thing.) I hated dating in my 20s... I hate it in my 30s... and now I'll have to do it in my 40s... Shit... I'm in my 40s...
It doesn't help that I stutter and that I'm socially awkward, but when family and friends keep asking WHEN I'm going to settle down and have kids... or when I'm coming out of the closet... or if I'm like Steve Carell
It really grinds my gears... I don't want kids. I don't think it would be fair for them with my depression. Same reason I don't want to get married. I don't want to have others trying to carry my burdens. I KNOW it's a bit messed up, but I don't want to pass on my accursed genes. I want the freedom of being alone whenever I want to... being married would trap me in a relationship where it would be VERY unhealthy for me to pack up and go if a situation arose.
Yeah, social interactions and relationships are cool, but I NEED A LOT OF ME TIME by that I mean disconnect from the world at large and retreating into "my fortress of solitude"... Hell, I'd probably fall in love with them Sensory deprivation tanks.
I'm "not doing as well as my parents did at my age" but you know what, screw it! I'M NOT MY PARENTS!! I'm doing the best I can with what I've got and looking for my happiness while keeping my Responsibilities! But, damn! I'm in my 40s now... My twilight has begun... I'm getting closer to 2040... and I'm afraid... (Batman beyond is supposed to be somewhere around 2039-2040) The 24th Phantom is active in 2040...
But my 2040 will be a lot more disappointing... October 21st 2015 was disappointing and I won't make it to 2099... as that would make me over 100 and I'm sure I WON'T reach a 100th Birthday... unless I get cursed with immortality, which honestly wouldn't surprise me, as I'm the universe's punching bag!!
Growing old, feeling lost, it's such a weird feeling.
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