Marvel Legends: Hasbro wants to fight for my Money

 I wanted to quit Legends after Shuma Gorath Gargantos... Hasbro dropped a few bombshells.

X-men 97 White Queen and Logan for their new wave. It also has Jubilee, Sunspot, Cable, and Morph with a H.P. Gyrich head. H.P. stands for Hijue Puta.

Some Spidey/Magic the Gathering figures... with Iron Spider Mrs. Paul, Anti Venom...

A sweet looking Man-Wolf with D&D styled weapons and a Battle Damaged Spidey.

That could be the Maximum body or the Renew your Vows... still, freaking sweet. Honestly out of the 4 figures, I'm more tempted towards battle damage, Spider-Man and Man-Wolf... who am I kidding, I'll get MJ because I'm a sucker for her, not how current writers do her dirty. 

Update:

The Spidey wave is $40 each... stupid Magic card...

But speaking of Peter and MJ... better have $50 $80 ready later this year because we're getting a Joe Quesada figure.

The Magical Divorcer himself,  Joephistopheles. Played by Borat in Ironfart. There are a few improvements over the Marvel Select figure. Still, I prefer the old Throne. $80 is a pass for me.

Remember the Ryan Gosling as Black Panther Meme?

 With the whole media push for Hunter Schaefer in EVERYTHING push, Marvel has done something insane.

Hollywood has been replacing redheads with black people for quite some time. I've mentioned that I'm not a fan of race swapping or replacing characters for copies with different ethnicities. 

Well Marvel has replaced Black Panther with a white dude.

And I hate it. Sure it's fun seeing the hypocrisy of people complaining about this, but were cool with turning white characters black. At the same time, while hilarious, this comes off as "racist comeback against diversity". But it has made some of the "right people angry". There COULD be a compelling story to this: a T'Challa sired bastard with Daddy issues coming to take what is rightfully his, but Joephisto is behind this. So I'm reminded how One Moronic Deal turned out and all the bullshit in current Marvel Era and think: Did they actually think this true other than "Let's make the Ryan Gosling as Black Panter meme real". 

If they lean to the whole "Whites are discriminated in Wakanda angle" mirroring the racism towards black people in the West angle, they could have interesting stories. Sadly this smells like a gimmick.

Ironheart might be in a wee bit of legal trouble...

 Riri Williams, aka Ironheart had a first appearance in 2016, and in 2017 she officially became Ironheart... but what if I told you that there was a female Iron Man knockoff called Ironheart long before Riri Williams... this Ironheart is also a minority and the star of a Japanese Porn Parody of Iron Man...

Yeah... this is awkward. Unlike most media pointing out Ironheart's origins with Marvel's white male erasure program, I'm simply going to laugh at the stupidity of naming the character after a porn parody. I guess this is another thing Miss Williams stole. (Remember that she stole Stark tech to make her armor... and stolen Stark tech is what started the original Armor Wars in the comics. Stealing from another property makes sense for the character.)

This is way too sloppy for Marvel/Disney. I can't believe that they let such a mistake go unchecked... 

Wait, this was pointed out in 2016!? Yet Marvel kept on going... Seriously?

I guess Mr. Takei has very low opinions of Joe Quesada, the guy who "coined the name Ironheart for Riri".

It came from the Toy Chest F-You Joe Quesada!

I rarely say that I hate people and REALLY MEAN IT, but Joe Quesada is an exception. Joe Quesada is a douchebag who has too much power in Marvel and screwed everything up for Peter Parker. Joe Quesada is the moron behind One More Day, among other bad choices made in Marvel... He may have done some good, but MANDATING that Mr. Great Power/Great Responsibility had to make a highly irresponsible deal with the devil in order to annul his marriage to Mary Jane and become a perennial loser living with Aunt May is DAMN HORRIBLE! I'm talking Uwe Boll levels of HORRIBLE! He deserves to have rotten eggs broken inside his shoes. someone to pee and take a dump on his cornflakes. have him take a shower with raw sewage, and replace his toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream. Also that may the fleas of a thousand camels infest his nose hairs. Heh... Looks like I've Mellowed out with age.

So, I bought another Spider-Man related Marvel Legends figure (I thought I had quit this line when MOTUC started) I'm talking about the Marvel Legend figure from the Little MC2 Comic that could...
Spider-Girl: Daughter of Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson! That's why I got her, because the MC2 was a huge F-You to Jokesada.

Let's take a crack at Spider-Girl from the Hobknocker wave...

Paint and Sculpt:
Painted Weblines... I hate those. In a few years they'll fade away if displayed in action dioramas...
I also have sloppy paint splotches on her left foot... BOO!!
Sculptwise, she looks nice, but with a smooth body for reuse with other characters... I guess I'm in the minority, but I prefer Etched Web lines on Spidey figures. She kinda looks like a Teenage Girl wearing a slightly modified Ben Reilly Spider-Man Suit.
Due to the sloppy paints and not as detailed sculpt she gets a 3.0

Accessories:
She has Hobknocker crap that I don't care about. 3.0 Now, I know that NORMALLY, Marvel Legends figures do not come with accessories, but in this day and age, not having accessories (or at least Extra hands so it doesn't look like May is shooting webs all the time. (There's a Spidey figure on this wave with extra hands, pizza and a partly unmasked face to eat said pizza) Heck maybe some WEBBING would have helped spice her up a little bit.

 Articulation:
I'm saving the worst for last:
She has similar Articulation to Black Cat, except the head has a bit more range. That brings me to my main issue with the Articulation:
A Character as flexible a Spider-Man, or in this case Spider-Girl deserves a figure with ENOUGH Articulation to DO WHATEVER A SPIDER-CAN!! Something that MAY DAY PARKER CANNOT DO. I tested TWO traditional Spidey Poses and May Failed MISERABLY... One looks like she is pleasuring herself and the other looks like she is showing off her Spider-Butt. Her legs pop off if you try to do wider stances, making her leg articulation NEARLY USELESS!! 2.0

Overall:
May gets a 2.67 as her final score. This is REALLY BAD for a figure that is supposed to be as amazing as her daddy. Hell! even the lame figure of Clone Daddy is leagues and bounds better than May! (Can't wait to get Scarlet Spider from the Rhino wave. He at least has Extra hands!) The figure is a disappointment. Black Cat was swinging the pendulum towards returning to ML once MOTUC was over, but May swung it back all the way to "Fuhgettaboutit! No ML for me!" I don;t care about this design of Hobgoblin, but I bought May more for what she stands for than what she actually is... I am almost tempted to get 2099 and Anti Venom as nods to Edge of time. Liked the story, hated the game...

It came from the Toy Chest: I think something else is tingling, Parker!

The lack of Marvel Legends reviews at the House of Rants is a little bit Disturbing. Thanks to an old friend I've gotten a Hasbro Marvel Legends figure.

Yes, I am talking about the Kringle Man himself, Saint Nick, Father Christmas, and a man who I served under many years ago. I am talking about Claus, Santa Claus. Seems that I wasn't too naughty this year... Had I been nicer I would have gotten some MOTUC stuff.


 I got one of the Infinite Series Marvel Legends Black Cat!!
Now, the best part is that this Black Cat is based on her Classic Look! Unlike the Previous Black Cat, this one looks very feminine and doesn't have The Evil That Men Do look. Now to be fair, the Modern look looks pretty good. The Marvel Select Almost Statue of her is proof that this look works wonderfully in 3D. Whoever sculpted the Sinister Six box set Cat may have confused BC with Bea Arthur.

So, for those of you who don't know Black Cat, here's a super quickie BC course...

Black Cat is kinda like the "Catwoman" to Spidey's "Batman". Thing is she kinda likes the Spider-Part of Spider-Man and is not exactly fond of the Peter Parker side of life.
Kevin Smith... yes, THAT Kevin Smith wrote the infamous The Evil That Men Do and it took him over 3 years to complete. When fans complained about Smith's tardiness, he acted a bit like an ass, but that's not the point here... Neither is that the story became a messed up Rape PSA and that Black Cat became a Rape Statistic.
The point is that Black Cat is commonly known as a sidekick/love interest/common nuisance to Spidey. She can be heroic, but her Cat Burglar instincts tend to put her in a gray area. Also... Boobs! BC's boobs are very popular... Not as Popular as Emma Frost's or She-Hulk's but a LOT of Black Cat pics (actual comic art, fan art or cosplay focus on boobs.)

Without further ado, let's start this Review!

Articulation:
This is a Hasbro Marvel Legends figure and I haven't used ML figures in years (my ML are currently in storage because of the growing MOTUC collection. No, I'm not selling!)
So, I went out of my way to label all the Articulation Points on Black Cat.

Now here's the thing: She has a lot of Articulation that works well ON PAPER.

She has a LOT of Articulation issues.
For a "Cat Burglar" she is very inflexible.
She cannot kick, aside the Sparta Kick. She can't even do a Trinity kick!

That's the furthest that Black Cat can spread her legs open.

Crouching/Stalking poses, forget about it. Look to the side? You'll have better luck making a MOTUC Female look to the side than you will Black Cat. While she has a hinge joint in her wrist, it's more of a "Hold my sword aloft" kind of hinge than the "limp wrist" kind of hinge. Cool Kung-Fu Claw hand poses are also out...

Last but not least, her limited articulation make her a bit of a bitch to keep standing. She NEEDS to use an action figure stand if you want to keep her standing up.
 3.0

Paint and Sculpt:

SHE HAS THE POWER to hold things with thick shafts...
Get your mind out of the gutter, Parker!! Damn you Quesada!! 

I've already praised the sculpt on this figure, even if the Articulation is a bit iffy. She has a rather wide grip on her right hand. It can hold the MOTU Staction He-Man sword, or the New Adventures MOTUC sword with ease.
The only Issue I have is with the paint job. The light blue wash to give some shadows in the hair was applied a bit too liberally on my figure. When she's on a dark background and the flash hits her, she looks fine. On a light background, or when looking at her without bright lights, her hair looks light blue as well as the fur on her gloves and boots.
4.5

 Accessories:
Black Cat comes with a Single Accessory:
Her Grappling Claw. I do have a few issues with it, but it's a mixed bag.
I like the sculpt of it, but I hate that the rope is plastic and not a real rope. The fact that she has such a loose grip on the claw makes it even harder to find a decent pose for her.

If you're thinking of something Konami, you're correct.
If not, this will help.

Now the next Accessory, which can be seen clearly on the MOC pics is a Green Torso with Blue Pants. I know these belong to the Horrible Abomination that is Norman Hulksborn, the Unimaginative Universe version of The Green Goblin... I prefer my goblins wearing Halloween Masks and Flying on bat shaped Gliders than Unoriginal Demon Hulks. The Torso feels incredibly Lightweight

While I'm still NOT Fully tempted to buy the whole wave. I kinda want to complete the BAF. Not to make an ultimate Goblin, but to Make a Mega Roid Rage NA Faker... He-Slave 2.0 but that's another rant for another day.

 I'd have to say that Here in Accessories, BC deserves a 3.5

Overall:

They look nice together!

 Black Cat gets a 3.67 as her final score. If she didn't have the Articulation problems, she would have scored A LOT BETTER.

I don't think I'll go back to ML, but the offerings by Hasbro have improved leaps and bounds over Sickly Banshee and Fugly Emma Frost. 2004 me would have been super excited to add this Black Cat to his Spider-Man Shelf! Now if we could get a Classic Morbius without a rubber face (my Morbius lost his face. The rubber rotted away...) So, Hasbro, make it so... I think I may have to get a Hasbro Carnage...

Merry Christmas and Joe Quesada still sucks ass!

Spider Ock Spider Ock Marvel can now...

 Go and *expletive deleted* themselves. Peter Parker is dead and now Otto Octavius is Spider-Man...

Spider-Man

Doc  Octopus

Knowing the difference can save your life... After 10 years of crap (Totemistic Mystical Origins, Dying and having a Magical Rebirth, becoming Iron Man's sidekick, Revealing his secret ID to the world, Trading his Marriage To Mary Jane in a literal deal with the devil to undo the unmasking and saving May "one foot on the grave" Parker) culminate in Peter Parker switching bodies with a dying Doctor Octopus and now the Evil Doctor is inside Peter Parker's body... The same Doc Ock that wanted to marry Aunt May...

I'm not making this up!

The one that attacked her recently because she was to Marry J. Jonah Jameson's dad... she did, so Peter Parker and J. Jonah Jameson are like step cousins or something...

Family...

Yeah! Did I confuse you? well, this is thanks to the Creative Genius of Joe Quesada and his "underlings" who were HELLBENT on destroying Spider-Man. Well that's what I believe cause THIS is not SAVING SPIDER-MAN! So if  "Peter" and MJ come back together is cause it's NOT Peter... Would that be Rape? What if Doc Ock has "urges" and rapes Aunt May... Is it Incest?

Suddenly The Clone Saga doesn't sound that bad...

I mean, replacing Peter Parker with... *gasp!* Peter Parker is a bad idea, but Killing Peter Parker and replacing him with Doc Ock in a Peter Parker suit is an EXCELLENT Idea...

sums up my thoughts in a nice and clean way... So I'll leave it at that... I may add this to Stupid Ideas that HAVE to be Retconned!

Even Stan Lee is not too pleased with this!

2011 what to expect... odds and ends.

No Hannah Montana Finale in 2010... Stretched out to 2011. Not cool Disney, not cool.

Another December in which my Mattycollector.com order seems to be MIA. Problem is that I have to wait AFTER the January date to open a complaint and see if I can get a replacement. Not cool Mattel... Not Cool at all.

-On the Other hand Robot Chicken's got the Return of Mo-Larr, and Matty is rereleasing (or reselling old CS stock of) Mo-Larr: Eternian Dentist. Where's the Triklops, Scareglow, or Mossman reissues dammit!

-Oh yeah Mephisto is no Longer the EIC of Marvel... I mean Joe Quesada is no longer the EIC of Marvel... His Replacement? Axel Alonso... I have nothing to say about Alonso... But This means that Joephisto is now full-on Chief Creative Officer... The Spider-Rapist is now the keeper of Marvel Continuity... If Freddie Krueger was Real I'd say he's making me live in a nightmare world right now...

-THQ and Mattel are going to be working on some games... Apparently MOTU is in the "To Do List". Aside from the Smackdown! Games and some crappy NES/SNES/Gameboy games my experience with THQ is rather limited... Who knows what the future will bring.

-Soon we will know the Mysterious Female MOTUC figure for May... Here's hoping for it to be one of the "3 mothers"... (Marlena, Sorceress or Queen Angella)

Villains Part II

I did not forget about my Villains rant of Articles past. Now let's start with Part Dos, or Deux, or Due.

Doctor Doom starts off this list. He was not omitted from the last list. He deemed the previous list not worthy of his presence. Obviously he is the Archnemesis of the Stretchy guy from the Fantastic 4. I can't mention his name because Doctor Doom told me not to.

Doom is the most baddest Villain in the Marvel Universe and he DOES NOT SEE HIMSELF AS ONE... or that's pure crap... it depends on the writer. Hell, Dr. Doom has even raised Mjolnir.

One huge feat for a villain (then there's sending Franklin Richards to Hell... Literally)

Then let's take a guess which Marvel character served as a partial inspiration to the Asthmatic Whiny Sith Lord? Answer is the Great Victor Von Doom... who is extremely pissed at Julian McMahon's Hobo Goblin Doom...

Now in position Number 2 on this list, The first real Person ever to be a Supervillain in the Comic Book sense of becoming a nemesis to a superhero is:

Marvel's Editor-in-Chief, Mr. Joe Quesada!!

Why is Jokesada here?

*WARNING!* NERD RAGE FUELED RANT AHEAD!!

Ok, Where to start: Quesada has DONE GOOD THINGS for Marvel. Credit is given where credit is due and all that crap, but... he basically is responsible of assassinating Spider-man's character. Remember that Spider-Man is Marvel's Flagship character. The whole "Totem Magic Origin" that was "confirmed" with The Other, Sins Past, Moving in with the Avengers, The Iron-Spider "sidekick suit" Civil War's Public Unmasking, everything was made so Spider-Man would have to accept a deal with the Devil to retcon all that (and get rid of a certain redhead). Just because Joe never liked a married Spidey. Now for some words on why he went with the "deal with the Devil"

Sure, that would have been a very easy solution. However, how would a parent feel when they had to explain to their kid that Spider-Man just got divorced from his wife? How would that headline read across the AP or on USA today? The same can be said with an annulment. Sure, divorce is a reality of life, but Peter Parker and Spider-Man are not the types of characters that would do that. Spider-Man is a worldwide icon and is considered one of the good guys, like Superman. There's always the option of killing off MJ, but over the years way too many key characters in Spider-Man mythology have been killed off. Much like the marriage, those deaths hurt the book. The Spider-Man books were better with Harry in them, as well as Norman. Also, how much older would Peter seem as a widower -- yikes!

Hmmm... so to Joe is easier for a parent to explain to a kid that Spider-Man gave up AND made a deal with THE ULTIMATE EVIL (The Devil, or a Devil Proxy) than getting a divorce?

He's worried about headlines?

Comic fans fume as Marvel erases Spidey-MJ marriage

Spider-Man loses a wife and upsets comic fans

ERASED MARRIAGE, UPSET FANS, DEALS WITH A DEVIL-LIKE ENTITY? Real kid friendly material here, Marvel...

To make matters worse:

They've Promoted this guy to the position of Chief Creative Officer.

The guy who raped Spider-Man's character to the point that making a deal with the devil seemed like a GOOD idea. The very same guy who used Magic to decimate most of the Mutant Population in the Marvel Universe. The one who allowed Captain America to be killed but not being really dead (What happened to the Dead is Dead dogma?) This is the guy who will "ensure that all portrayals of Marvel’s characters and storytelling remain true to the essence of Marvel’s rich history."

MARVEL FAIL

Let's move on to another villain before I feel the urge of kicking someone in the gonads.

My next Villain on the list is a Mascot. Matty, YES I'm talking about the same Matty from the Matty Collector site that sells the Masters of the Universe Classics figures that I enjoy so much.

Just look at him! Standing there smug with that grin, while telling you that you need to wait a bit during the Matty Day Frenzy at Noon. Also Matty is a Big Fat Liar... the queue is like the Spoon from the Matrix.

Aside from Matty, this rant is full of Marvel Villains. I blame this to my former Marvel Zombie status (Joe Quesada cured me from that.) so let's open up ourselves for another Marvel Villain.

The Green Goblin...

Norman Osborn was a cool villain. He came, went crazy due to the "Goblin Formula" and tried to control the NY crime scene, but a Spidey was in the way. He figured out Spidey's ID and killed Gwen Stacy... (Ock killed Gwen's dad earlier) then he fought Spidey and died impaled with his own glider.

That's it!? Nope! Norman wrote a lot of crap on some journals AND he had some "Goblin lairs" spread out throughout Manhattan. His son Harry became a Goblin, some other dude (Roderick Kingsley) got hold of some Osborn Journals and became a goblin himself (Hobgoblin).

Even in death Norman had a lot to do with Spidey's "universe". That's where my biggest beef with Norman lies. Almost EVERYTHING BAD that happens to Peter could be attributed to Norman. Clone Saga, Norman did it, AND he WASN'T DEAD... He was in Europe...

OK, so now Norman is back from the dead AND has a Wolverine-like healing factor (and he has Wolverine's overexposure factor too!) UGH! Now we CAN OFFICIALLY BLAME EVERYTHING ON NORMAN!

Not only that but, He didn't kill Gwen Stacy because she was Spider-Man's Girlfriend... He killed her because she wasn't going to have his Goblin babies... Yes Norman Osborn had Sex with Gwen Stacy and he impregnated her with his Goblin seed. Good grief! Way to undermine the significance of Gwen's death, Jokesada... Mr. Strac... Joseph Michael Stracz... the Babylon 5 guy! is not off the hook either.

Pinning everything on Norman is not that cool. I wouldn't be surprised if OMD is part of a Norman Osborn machination...

Next on my list is...

I was going to say Mumm-Ra, but Cobra Commander works...

He's the Leader of a Ruthless Terrorist Organization, Determined to Rule the World... Through Music, Controlling the Weather, Mind controlling the GI Joes, Ruining the Economy, Giant bugs, or some crazy thing... CC is a complete nutjob, but a charismatic nutjob! Even when betrayed by his own associates. A great leader who knows WHEN to retreat... Well "Retreat!" is his second battle cry... His first is "COBRA!!!!"

And last but not least...

Evil, eternal, afraid of mirrors, and he's a dog kind of person. Biggest problem, trying to get rid of an Alien Cat-Man-Child and his buddies. He "rules" Third Earth, or just hangs out at his pyramid, chilling out, but now he must stop the Thundercats from spreading their code of honor throughout his lands or something... I mean, there hasn't been that much change on Third Earth since the Thundercats showed up... Also he likes boobs...

Disney's going to buy Marvel for 4 Billion dollars!

http://dealbook.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/31/disney-to-buy-marvel-for-4-billion/

Okay! Not so great news today. Disney wants Marvel. Yes Disney as in Mickey Mouse, Hannah Montana, High School Musical, etc. is trying to gets its hands on Spider-Man, Ironman, Wolverine, etc.

Not even in my weirdest nightmares I would have thought of this pairing. This is not "the best of both worlds."

Well it seems that The Suits see this Merger as pure Win. Well Disney's been lacking in the "Just for Boys" Department. Kim Possible, Lizzie Maguire, High School Musical, Hannah Montana. All of these are "Just for Girls." The last Disney related things to be more Boy-oriented are The Incredibles and Cars. So The Mouse-Eared Suits think that taking over Marvel will help them win the little boys. I just think that it's a case of penis-envy over Warner that has DC Comics.

Problem is that Comic Books target are not kids. Most of them are on their late teens and older. Most of Marvel Comics characters clash with Disney's "squeaky clean image." Spidey made a deal with the devil and there have been no repercussions regarding that deal. Ironman is an alcoholic that sleeps with anything in sight. Wolverine does the same thing and kills a lot. Punisher... Do I need to elaborate?

Hopefully Disney will give free reign to Marvel Comics, but somehow they'll step in so they can attract a boy audience. On the good side this means that Marvel is now backed by the best animation studios and Disney's deep pockets will help make the Marvel Brand more established. (Also there can be a GARGOYLES COMIC!!!) But this is Disney and I fear that they'll push their stars on the projects. Power Pack the movie with a Disneyfied Cast:

Sterling Knight (17 Again) for Zero-G Alyssin Ashely Arm (Sonny With a Chance) for EnergizerMitchell Musso (Hannah Montana) for Mass Master Annasophia Robb (Race to Witch Mountain) for Lightspeed.

Doesn't look that bad. I know, but as long as we don't go Miley Cyrus for Dazzler, Selena Gomez for Araña it's ok. I do not wat to see Xavier's School for the Gifted Musical.

If Disney gets Marvel does it mean that we'll see Wolverine (with taped claws), Ultimate Zippered Spider-Man on Kingdom Hearts IV? Only time will tell True Believers... and hopefully Disney Magic will undo Joe Quesada's... I mean Mephisto's deal from One More Day.

I love Disney, I love Marvel; I just don't know what to do with this new amalgam. Marney? Disvel. If Miley shows up in a Marvel comic I'm buying that... Especially on Deadpool. Oh no! They could make a comic book with the Jonas Brothers as Superheroes... I just threw up in my mouth. (Great! looks like I'm gonna be having nightmares tonight...)