Oct 5, 2018

Noelle Stevenson's She-Ra has been revealed and it's crap! (Language)

Let's begin to beat this dead Swift Wind...

Before I start:
This sucks ass, but there are a FEW GOOD things, like the background art... See? I can say positive things about this turd.
Behold Shadow Weaver... Her design isn't AS OFFENSIVE as others, but it clearly shows that Noelle and her hipster friends don't understand She-Ra. She is wearing a Mask... Has Fingerless gloves and Hylian ears. Long flowing hair is there because Reasons... Now her outfit, how does that even work?
She puts on the main dress. Then she puts on the black piece over it then she straps on the Pinker half-vest and THEN she puts on a scarf? HWAT?

Now we have Horde Hunger games with Adora and Catra using Giant dildos to fight...
And Shadow Weaver is going to fire a Hadoken to Adora...
Hordak's hairstyle reminds me of Pidgeotto... Hordak's Hairstyle... Hairstyle... And they managed to fuck up Hordak... You had ONE JOB, Noelle Stevenson...
This is "The Great Rebellion"... I have to question the choices made for each and every one of them...
Let's start with Mermista:
Why is she wearing a two piece Surfing Bodysuit?  I mean it doesn't scream FANTASY...
A character who lives on the Depths of the Ocean wouldn't have such tanned skin, but by questioning it, the idiots who defend this drivel think that my theme song is this. I know that this "choice" was deliberately made for "muh diversity" but it wasn't fully thought out. Doesn't have any "markers" that would depict her as a Etherian version of "Pacific Islander".
Don Karnage... wait is that supposed to be Pond Chicken? They made Sea Hawk even blander and more Generic... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This bit of incompetence by Noelle Stevenson pleases me, but at the same time it makes me weep, because they keep failing at this.

On the Background, the Vertically Challenged Akane Tendo/ Katara hybrid is Frosta...
I KNEW They were gonna go Inuit on her! Next to her we seem to have Perfuma... If the trailer shows better images I'll discuss them...

Long Haired Pearl From Steven Universe cosplaying as Angella. The outfit isn't bad at all. My only gripe is the proportions of Angella that make her seem half giraffe or like I said, Pearl from Steven Universe.

Netossa... Her outfit could be made out of items from Urban Outfitters, Aerie, Gap, Hot Topic...
Also she has the Stereotypical Lesbian hairdo #13? The closest thing to FANTASY THEMES would be the bracers...

Spinnerella: Ugh! She's fat... Before you start picking up the pitchforks and torches, ask yourself this:
What Logical thought process was used here? The One Character that has to be SUPER ACTIVE in order to use her Spinning Powers is FATTER THAN ME! Not to mention how her Outfit is Horrible and unflattering to her figure.

Oh great, they are going to have the stupid exaggerated expressions... Wait, Catra has heterochromia?
And Adora is committing herself to Auto-erotic Asphyxiation... Then we have the sword scene, which I won't redo.
The Evil Horde is explained to Adora. I must admit that I actually chuckled to that... But that doesn't change my feelings that this is a Turd!

And the Horde Troopers are somehow Lamer now... How do you fuck up Horde Troopers?
Blandest Horde Members ever... Is that Lizard supposed to be Leech?
Wait Perfuma almost looks decent... Wait is Pink hair supposed to be Entrapta? Wasn't she part of the Horde? DO YOU EVEN SHE-RA? You fucking Hipsters!? Also, Mermista wearing Sneakers!? WHAT PART OF RENFAIR MEETS STAR WARS YOU SHITHEADS DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
Huh? Double Trouble... Interesting...
All The Inuit Zero Frosta... Another fail at redesign... Also her face looks a little bit TOO Stereotyped...
She looks better in Mermaid Mode... KEEP HER IN MERMAID MODE ALL THE TIME!!
Why is the Crystal Castle a Tee Pee? This keeps getting worse by the second.
Imp is Literally Baby Hordak... I give up... Fuck this shit...

There is no iota of Respect towards the Source Material. It shows. I don't think I can even watch this ABOMINATION.

Well, Bryan Flynn is smoking some weird shit... Remember the 6" She-Ra Figures? These are it...
6 POA Figures "For Adult Collectors" Only available for Pre-Order This Weekend. And he wants $50 + Shipping for these pieces of crap... If these were Classics Scaled, with Classics Level of Detail (Read: Same Craptacular Outfits but sculpted Hair that read as Hair) I would have bought them for the novelty factor... As they are: FUCK NO! These are overpriced Happy Meal Toys. I dread to think What Mattel will do if THIS IS THE "HIGH QUALITY ADULT COLLECTIBLE"...


  1. I have no attachment to the original series, so I feel confident in that I can say I have no bias here. This show on its own is very well done, I as an adult man have just finished watching the first three episodes and I was pretty impressed. I have to imagine that the target audience, little boys and girls, will probably think that this show is pretty great. I think one of the saddest things about fandom is that eventually when a product isn't specifically marketed at the original audience anymore, they become bitter about it. I think you should embrace the show, and be glad that She-Ra and the related He-Man properties are getting serious attention again. Besides, you have over 30 years of cartoons, comics, and toys based on the original series, it's not like this show has taken anything away from you. If anything it's just giving young people a chance to look back and appreciate something you liked as a kid.

    1. Right out of the bat, there's your problem. You haven't seen the original, so you can't understand how HORRIBLY BASTARDIZATION has departed from the source material. On its own it manages to be almost decent, but as a Show based on She-Ra, this turd is an absolute failure. The "third season" were actually good. But when a show takes 21 episodes to get good, the writers and showrunner suck.
      Children are NOT the target audience. Late teens, early 20s Tumblrettes are the target audience.

      Ah, the "it's not for you defense"... I laugh at your stupid argument using a French stereotype laugh! This isn't a "target audience issue". The problem is that this show pretty much removed EVERYTHING from the original, aside a few names and design cues, while replacing it with something as far removed from She-Ra as North Korea being a Democracy.
      "Embrace the new show you say?
      How about "Fuck you and the horse you came in." The showrunner, writers, and actors from this show have actively dissed the original to promote this one. Look at it this way: Your mom passed away and now some twat that NEVER met her is putting on her clothes, demanding that you call her Mom, and mocking her.
      I will NOT embrace this abomination. If it showed an iota of respect towards the original, then it wouldn't get hatred.

      Oh look, your ignorance about the property is showing!
      30 years of cartoons? She-Ra only had 1 year and 3 months of cartoons... before this turd. Comics, eh she appeared in a couple on the DC comics from a few years back, so yeah, there hasn't been that Much She-Ra media since the 80s.

      Good god, are you going with the "it can't ruin your childhood" argument? What has this turd taken away from me? Let's see:
      I can't google She-Ra because this turd pops up as the top result, instead of the Real She-Ra.
      Due to rights issues with Universal, owners of Dreamworks, (and partial owners of the She-Ra property) She-Ra has been cut-off from the Masters of the Universe brand.Upcoming new DC miniseries, She-Ra is off-limits. Half of the Evil Horde, off-limits. Upcoming Continuation of the Original He-Man series, can't use She-Ra. If a Masters of the Universe videogame is made, guess who is off-limits? All thanks to this turd. So yeah, this wannabe is erasing My She-Ra...

    2. I should have had it this warning yesterday but since I can't edit my replies here it goes:
      Don't take my response to seriously because it's less fun to answer: "Different Strokes for different folks" which is the sensible reply. Then again this blog is literally called Nefty's house of rants, so crude, long-winded over the top responses ate part of the deal. Also, everything you said was wrong.