Jun 1, 2023

The Kingdom has shed tears... so have I

 Have I finished the game? Hell no! Sure, I've made contact with the 4 sages, passed a couple of shrines, collected some outfits. Currently I'm trying to increase my equipment slots and exploring the underground, doing missions to upgrade my clothes... but mostly I've been trying to understand the construction system.

Why am I going upgrade crazy if I breezed through the 4 main dungeons?
Because of Wallmaster's more freaky cousin, the gloom spawn. They are a lot more terrifying than the Tentacled Robotic abominations from BOTW. Gloom Spawn are far more terrifying than the Guardians... especially the Nasty Surprise they carry. 


OK, Nintendo just sent me an email thanking me for playing Tears of the Kingdom... just As I'm kinda in the middle of informally reviewing the game. Creepy! So, since the BIG N is watching, I must measure my words when reviewing this.

Story
After a 100 year nap, you came. You saw Hyrule was in trouble. You conquered 120+ shrines, tamed 4 divine beasts, helped countless folks of all races, and most importantly:
Behold the Legend of Zelda...
You saved the Princess... all is great? No! Hyrule is in deep shit again... and it's all your fault!

You and Zelda accidentally wake up Ganondorf and link loses an arm. Wasn't there a concept about BOTW Link meant to lose an arm? 
Thabks to the Sage Rauru, Link is rebuilt... now Hyrule has changed, YOU have changed... and with your new arm that Rauru lives on through... and speaks to you. Uh is this a reference? So...
Once again, it's up to you to save Hyrule that you literally saved like 3-5 years ago?
8.5

Graphics
This is a Nintendo Switch game, you know, the underpowered 6 year old console? You'd have to be some sort of idiot to expect PS5 and Series X type graphics here... I was going to make a David Jaffe Joke, but that would be like Mike Tyson fighting a Tetraplegic... Jaffe being the Tetraplegic. Sorry for ruining the joke, but I have to explain it for Jaffe. Just like Nintendo did at his Metroid Dread whining

Taking in consideration that it's a Switch game made reusing assets from a WiiU game, the game looks pretty good. I haven't been aware of any Slowdown issues or frame rate drops, then again I wouldn't notice if they stay over 24 frames per second, which is what most normal people can perceive.
9.5 (for a Switch game)

Sounds and music
Like its predecessor, the music is subtle and it only kicks in at certain events. The little I've heard for the most part is enjoyable. There is one theme that I loathe: 👐👐👐 

The voice acting is rather good in this game, but sometimes it feels like the actors are giving a bit too much passion in their performances. 
9.0

Controls
I have to order a refurbished controller from Nintendo because my original joy-con well... you know. Now with a fixed Joy-con, they're the same as Breath of the Wild. I believe there are a few minor tweaks here and there but the differences are minimal.
9.5

Gameplay 
It's very similar to Breath of the Wild... about 80% of similarity. The other 20% can be divided in 3 things:
3% Skyward Sword, 3% Spelunking and 14% of well... I wanna say Bob the Builder but we've made Link into an absolute War Criminal...
There is also Lots and lots of PINGAS!!

It's fun for the whole family!
9.5

Fun Factor
If you didn't like breath of the Wild, this game isn't for you. If you loved breath of the Wild this game's even better. I still have lots to do so I better get to do it
8.5

Overall
Tears of the Kingdom gets a 9.08 as its final score. It's a great game, even better than its predecessor, but being a direct sequel that rehashes a LOT of the things from the first game. The construction gimmick is fun, but feels slightly out of place in a Zelda game.

I can't pretend that the game is flawless, but the game is close to the definitive ZELDA experience. Next game should have more dungeons, less shrines, actual gadgets, better ways to fix unique weapons, and no more Korok shit quests.

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