Apparently, Jesus was a weeb...

Yes, I'm talking about THAT Jesus: Born on a Manger, turned water to wine and died for your sins Jesus. Apparently, he was a proto-weeb. According to the town of Shingo, where Jesus is allegedly buried, the Bible is telling half-truths... because Jesus didn't die on the cross, but his little brother replaced him. Instead Jesus ran away to Japan fell in love and lived until he was 106 years old.

Jesus allegedly went to Japan during his "lost years" the gap in Jesus storyline as a teen and before his return to the storyline as an adult. So, at 21, (legal adult age to be able to buy eroge) Jesus comes to Japan to study Theology. (Kinda weird going to another country to study his dad.) He learns Japanese and embraces the culture... (total weeb, amirite?) Returns to Judea after 12 years of being a weeb. Gets in trouble with the Authorities and he uses the kawarimi techniques to swap himself with his little brother that conveniently has a Japanese sounding name (Isukiri) unlike his other brothers: James, Joses, Judas (not that one), and Simon. He also has sisters, but they're unnamed.

The whole Jesus switch reminds me of Xenosaga...

IIRC chaos is Yeshua, which means, you guessed it, Jesus. The Jesus looking man was the mascot, while chaos was "the real Jesus". Looks like I'm straying From the Path again, let's get back on track. After doing the substitution technique with his Japanese sounding kid brother, Jesus went to Japan, assumed a new name, became a garlic farmer, and got married. He then lived until the age of 106 were he died.

I have a lot of questions:

How did the resurrection work with his kid brother?

Where was this kid brother all along? I mean there's no sign of him in the previous chapters of the storyline. I mean; it's  stupid to have a mysterious kid brother that appears out of nowhere, especially since this storyline is about a guy who is all about family...

Why Japan? It would make more sense if he had gone to China to study Eastern Religion.

So, the story that the Town of Shingo tries to present us is that Jesus was a weeb, who ran away from responsibility and became a reverse passport bro in the land of hentai.

Press X to doubt.

I have a feeling I might get Crucified for this rant. This Japanese Jesus Gaiden story seems like pure BS. Perfect for a reference in a Jesus themed ICFTTC, but it's something that should be an "interesting fact" and not taken as truth. Also, I took a neutral stance while analyzing this side story and how implausible it is with Biblical canon. Because if I stuck to my faith, there would be no rant and I wouldn't be able to comment about this or laugh with Rapping for Jesus.