Feb 16, 2017

So I saw Fifty Shades Darker...

I feel your pain Crockett... I can't fap to your daughter either.
I wanted to watch the movie... not dying to watch it but let's just say that got some motivation to watch it...
and none of it involved Dakota Johnson...

So, I was chatting online with... (name redacted) and I jokingly commented that if she was still here, I'd go with her to watch 50 shades darker... So, she suckered me into watching it anyway... and since I'm such a Kyle Reccula... Or a Spike the Dragon!

I went and saw it... It really didn't take too much convincing, since I kinda wanted to watch it...
Mostly to make fun of Don Johnson, who is known to be a bit of a perv, since his daughter is the star of this movie, and since I started the series, I need to finish it. But it was totally because she asked me to watch it and tell her how much they deviated from the books... I haven't read the books and it seems I might have to read fifty shades darker now...
Dignity levels: 9001 Shinjis or -180002 Dignity.

Enough about my Brock-like misadventures, let's talk about 50 shades darker... a sequel to the Twilight Fanfic Master of the Universe... written by E.L. James... don't worry ♠, I won't make references to you this time.

So, what can I say about the movie?

It's as exciting as watching paint dry... minus the magical talking ponies. Did I mention spoilers, cause they will be coming.

OK, so remember how in the past movie, Anesthesia did all that kinky stuff for Grey and she gave up after he spanked her a few times. Well, Anesthesia is now hungry for the Grey D. They get it on and some chick tries to kill Anesthesia, Kim Basinger wants the Grey D. and there's a dude that wants to give the D to Anesthesia.

The sex is even more dull and vanilla than the first movie, but to be fair...
I am bit of a connoisseur of Far Eastern Erotic Material in animation and Regular Erotic Material from the West and the movie didn't do anything to arouse me. The horny housewives watching the movie on the other hand, were making me a bit uncomfortable. The stifled moans, groans and scent of tuna made the movie experience a bit more awkward. This is why I wanted to see the movie WITH YOU, (name redacted)

So, how can I comment on this movie?
Avoid it like ze plague... wait until it's on USA or something... Heck! wait until Freed comes up on DVD and get the 3 pack... If you want to see this, I mean.
But if you need to take a girl on a date, then I guess it works.

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