Jul 25, 2019

Jon Favreau should stick to Iron Man movies

His CGI eunuch lion abomination was shit. Stick to that 1994 Classic animated feature. I wish I could get a refund but they don't give refunds because the movie was shit.
Did I mention that the CGI Lion King takes a shit on the original? Because this movie is shit.

I know saying that the movie is shit makes my review worthless and hipsterish. And it doesn't make it around because I need a long-winded and flamboyant explanation why this piece of shit is well shit.

I know some of you are clutching your pearls at the enormous amount of shit on this post but I'm just trying to channel how shity The Lion King (remake) is.

Well let me describe it as take a great Super Nintendo era game make a remake of it on PlayStation 4 give it voice actor High high-end CGI, make it more realistic and then take away all the fun from the original game.

But I have to be fair and put the blame where it belongs most of it Jon Favreau's fault... and the writers. (Ironically 4 out of 5 writers worked on the Real Lion King. The remaining one  co-wrote Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). I need to specify this because once I begin my review I will criticize some of that direction taken by the actors on the characters and I know someone will try to play the racism card.

 like for example if I mentioned that some actors we're performing a bit over-the-top when they should have been more come and subdued... (looking at you fake Varon Mordo) a certain group of people are going to say racist racist because he's black... same thing if I say that Beyonce was a miscast and her performance wasn't a total trainwreck, but mediocre... REEEEEEE! RACIST! SEXIST! MAHOGANY!!

 but not all performances wear a Trainwreck I really really really reheheheally need to pray Donald Glover's performance as Simba. James Earl Jones's performance it felt a bit off as I blame Jon Favreau for that.

There were a few script changes like they were trying to BFG when they actually made the fart joke that the original Disney movie didn't... there were other changes that were a lot less palatable.

They massively butchered Scar's song Be Prepared.
I just can't wait to be king lost its childlike fantasy and sense of wonder. They replaced the Timon luau with Be Our Guest has horrible but still Midlothian is hilarious but stupid Jon Favreau and his stupid realism...

The weakest points where pretty much everyone else is performance is because most of them felt like it was the first take and they went with that. Especially with Chiwetel Eijofor's. His Scar was in perma-rage mode and lacked all subtlety from Irons's performance.
Eijofor's Scar was all Grr, I hate you!!! while Irons's was all Grr, I hate you!!! BUT, I'll barely pretend to tolerate you.

Pretty CGI, but soulless...  Don't bother watching.

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