Mar 13, 2024

Fuck piano, fuck Queen's Blood, and fuck Fort Condor!

 I know I'm not the only one. This is the part where I bitch and moan about the mini games. I just finished Costa Del Sol. I had no issues with Bestiality Friendly Rocket League Knock-off... or the Frog Game. Even the Moogle minigame isn't that horrible... the Moogles though, nightmare fuel...

Buuut Fuck Piano. 
This is what my brain pictured when I was forced to play piano as Tifa at Costa del Sol. The lady is playing the role of Tifa and the cockroach is playing the role of piano. 
While musically inclined people can do this, I'm wanting to stick my fist up Whoever thought of this mini game's ass SHOULDER DEEP!! Did I mention I hate the piano Minigame? Because I FUCKING HATE the Piano mini game.

It's time to D-d-d-d-duel! Wrong franchise!

Queen's Blood, not to be confused with Queen's Blade...(Q.Blood has no anime and action figure titties. Q.Blade does.) is Team No-No's answer to Triple Triad. Now here's the shocking part: I don't HATE the game itself. I just hate how shoehorned into the story it is.
They fucked up the cargo ship just to have Cloud play Yu-Gi-Oh!
I kinda get why action sequences like Crazy Motorcycle Chase, Chocobo Racing (I'm probably going to hate this one based on the small track test at OG Chocobo Ranch), are part of the game... they spice up a turn-based JRPG... but forcing Piano that is harder than an actual piano, a Trading Card Game Tournament where you HAVE to beat 6 opponents in order to progress the story is a Giant Pile of Shit...
Exactly, Goldblum...
I fondly remember the REAL Fort Condor game... and how incredibly easy to cheese it was.
But I fucking hate this new Fort Condor... two words: Time Limit. Been stuck on the third Fort Condor "mandated" mission because of the stupid ass time limit.
Fort Condor did not need a stupid ass time limit! 

Other than that FFVII: (RE)BIRTH By sleep hasn't been that bad... but seriously, fuck that Piano minigame...

Also, Ive noticed some FFVII Machinabridged references in Rebirth... Barret hanging out and interacting a lot with Red XIII, various people asking Cloud to do them a solid, Yuffie singing the Victory theme, and getting hired to assassinate Rufus at Junon. 

The Return of Thunderhead was GLORIOUS... it reminded me of the potential of the Remake series if they weren't hellbent on Kingdom Heartsizing the shit out of it.

I hate to say it, but Rebirth has been far more enjoyable than I anticipated... even Chadley and MAI. I hope the game doesn't disappoint me and gives me a Yuffie meeting with Yuffie from Wish (Kyrie)... or at least Kyrie getting kidnapped by Don Cornholio. In any case...
I'm worried about part 3... 

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