May 12, 2022

Kelly Kapowski is not who I remembered

 Kelly Kapowski: what comes to your mind? The saintly brunette with a cheery behavior that you could swear Disney's Snow White was a big meanie next to her. As a tween, I had the biggest crush on Miss Kapowski and I was blinded by her holy aura... and did not aee the devil hiding within...

As much as it pains me to say this:

Kelly Kapowski is an evil bitch!

No, this is not some schoolboy jealousy talking crap about her because I can't have her. (She's a Fictional Character, and I'm real.)  I'm well aware that Zack Morris is trash, but Kelly Kapowski is not that far behind. I'M NOT DOWNPLAYING Zack's morally wrong behavior, nor saying he's an innocent man. I'm focusing on Kelly's garbage behavior.

She used Both Zack and Slater to get what she wanted.
On the first Season of Saved by the Bell, both Zack and Slater had a rivalry due to their crush on Kelly. Well, throughout the season, she took advantage of the rivalry and used the boys for her own means.

She got mad at Zack because he wasn't happy that she went out with an ex, who dropped in for a weekend.
Sure, she's not "Zack's property" but "hanging out a whole day with your ex" is not cool.

Does the Johnny Dakota thing even count?
Kelly has a thing for older men with power over her. "Famous" movie star Johnny Dakota ends up wanting to film an anti-drug PSA on Bayside after Belding and Zack use Kelly's beauty as a plus for Bayside. While she and Zack weren't together, the whole Kelly (who was a minor at the time) dating an older man is a repeating red flag for her.

Jeff... need I say more?
Yes, Zack did try to cheat on Kelly,  I do remember nurse Jennifer... but Zack wasn't successful and we all know Zack Morris is trash. The point is that Mother Kelly of Bayside  cheated on Zack with an older man, her boss. The guy was an even bigger piece of garbage than Zack. (Nothing against Patrick Muldoon, who played Jeff,  but his character was a big piece of shit.) This whole submitting to men who have power over her is a bit disturbing.

But wait there's more. Kelly went to Lisa's birthday party woth Jeff, knowing full well that Zack would be there. What's worse is that everyone blamed Zack for it, when it was Kelly who caused the trouble. Yes, Zack was a bit of a dick with using Screech's cousin and rubbing her on Kelly's face, but Kelly was the one dating her boss behind Zack's back.

Also, when Zack, Slater, and Screech caught Jeff with another girl, she thought Zack was making it up because he was jealous, when he had witnesses.

Hawaiian Style fling with her Grandpa's Lawyer...
Kelly has a thing for older men... sure, she wasn't dating Zack at the time, but this is before heading to college. Seriously, an Adult Lawyer flirting with a girl who threads a fine line between jailbait and barely legal in front of her grandfather!! What in Zack Morris' oversized cellphone is going on here!?

Professor Lasky... Basically Jeff 2 Kapowski Boogaloo!
In college, shortly after dropping in by surprise and Zack had moved on, she manages to wrap zack in her little finger and once they start dating, BOOM! 

She has an affair with her anthropology professor 

That's some ethics violations from Professor Lasky.  

Eventually she marries Zack and they deserve each other.

Holy hell, I haven't seen the peacock sequel, but this clip kinda makes Kelly seem like a Mrs. Zack Morris...

That whole "Doctor" thing sounds very Zack of her. 
I still love Kelly Kapowski, but I really didn't notice all the BS surrounding her... guess I was distracted by Screech's badly acting like he was on the spectrum while channeling a bad Jim Carrey impression. Or Jessie predicting the behavior of Modern feminists... or all the hairbrained scams pulled off by the young Homelander. Fuck Kelly Kapowski... not that way... sadly, I'm younger than her and have no power in order to fuck her in that way. 

Also, I've been talking about the fictional character, and not the actress. I have to point that out because some of my readers aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. Those kinds might think that I'm talking about Tiffani A. Thiessen, when I've been sticking to the character she plays. 

No comments:

Post a Comment