May 26, 2020

MOOOORTAL KOMBAAAAT! *Techno musoc intensifies* a Scorpion's Revenge rant:

The WB animated Mortal Kombat movie is hellbent on outdoing the 90s Live Action take on Mortal Kombat. Is it good? Let's see:
It starts with Scorpion promising Violent acts to be inflicted upon Daffy Duck. And that turns into an actual scirpion fighting a ton of ants. Yay insect gore! Wait, am I play by playing this?
It was a life lesson from Master Hanzo  of thr Shirai Ryu to his son... the usual setting up the soon to be dead family angle. The movie is subtitled Scorpion's Revenge. And we get to see some human gore thanks to some Lin Kuei assassins.

Finally Sub Zero (Bi Han) shows up with Scorpion's kid as hostage. Holy shit! They show the Kid's death! Sub Zero killed Hanzo, who we know will return as Scorpion and habe revenge.

Liu Kang BS we don't care about... Oh look, it's  Rayden... with Kyptic MK set-up... Moloch cameo.

Now some Johnny Cage bullshit, but since it's  Johnny Cage, I care about it. Did I mention that despite not being competitive good in Mortal Kombat I'm a huge Johnny Cage fan and I basically main most games with Cage, when he's available? Except Mortal Kombat Trilogy because Johnny Cage without his signature nut punch is not Johnny Cage. Ooh! Johnny Cage is a lovable loser, a has been who's trying to get his career back on track... Sprry generic Blonde chick, but his ass will belong to Special Forces Blonde chick... once the movie reaches her. Johnny Cage is my Spirit Animal.

Here's the Sonya Bullshit we don't care about... Where's Kano (reread Kano with the most over the top bad Australian accent you can make, mate!)? Oh look, woman rising up to army sexism trope flashback that will give her a second wond against the giant man who pounded her before the flashback. Can't we have a Female soldier be tough without relying on that overused trope?

No Kano? Only a pronoun game reference to him?
Hanzo woke up in Hell, where they cover your dick and balls with loincloths... Nice Moloch kameo... and he's dead. Now the demons want to dance with Scorpion... I'd play D1E1S1 but too lazy to look for it on YouTube. While keeping the Doom refernce going Quan Chi is the voice of Samuel Hadyn on Doom 2016... We get the Faustian pact between QC and Scorpion...

And Johnny Cage is being a lovable loser... Sonya is playing tough chick who needs no man... and Liu Kang is Weee-oooh! Sorry, wrong Chosen One reference. And Rayden is being Rayden. Seriously, this is why I fucking love Johnny Cage.

Despite the animated feature being more faithful to what games had stated for Mortal Kombat. So far this movie has made me appreciate the first live-action movie a lot more. Despite the changes Paul WS Anderson had to do due to lack of lore, his movie was a lot more faithful than previous game based movies.

Kameos everywhere... was that a Jab at Street Fighter? Oh look, Nitara wants to bite Cage... and Shang Tsung made a magic Power Point presentation on Mortal Kombat. Scorpion is stealthily infiltrating by killing everyone in sight at least he's not yelling: "get over here!"after he shoots his kunai with chain.

Finally Kano shows up, and Jax is some sort of Hostage? Also, Sonya freaks out by seeing Goro but she has not seen all the freaks that we have in this place!? We've seen tartakans we've seen Lizardmen, we've seen vampires WITH BAT WINGS!! A FREAKING CENTAUR, but no: The Four armed giant is what freaks her out.

Raiden interrupted Scorpion before he steals the medallion Quan Chi asked him to steal.   Also Jax just lost his arms. It has begun!!  First match is Johnny Cage vs... this better not go straight to video 4th wall breaking joke for a straight to vifeo animated film. It appears to be a Tartakan warrior, could be Baraka. Johnny Cage wins: Dumb luck... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

FIGHT 2 is Sonya vs Reptile. Really that what's the most Johnny Cage you think you could ever say, Sonya...

Fight 3 was Scorpion vs Lin Kuei generic ninja... bleh.

Fight 4 is Liu Kang vs Kitana. Liu Kang wins and promises Kitana he will win because he has Hope.

Fight 5 is Raiden bickering with Shang Tsung and Quan Chi... no one wins.

Team Earthrealm is rejoined. And Johnny Cage is throwing some mad shade at our favorite Narnia king, the Scientologist midget (who is as tall as I am).
And we get the movies first official nut shot and it's not a Johnny Cage ball buster... Johnny Cage himself gets kicked in the balls. What The Hell movie do you even Mortal Kombat?  thanks to Johnny Cage Team earthrealm makes a truce with Scorpion. Raiden further explains things for Johnny and Sonya. Liu Kang touches a raw nerve on Scorpion and ended the truce... For once, it wasn't Cage, the one who fucks up!  Another nut shot towards Mister Cage...  do you even Mortal Kombat?

Black dragon ambush thwarted by Scorpion. Now Team Earthrealm has a chance to show their stuff. And they just Sokka'd Johnny Cage. Sub Zero stops Kano and Scorpion gets triggered and goes all REVENGE!! Mode. He ends up falling off a Kamikaze move by grabbing Sub-Zero and jumping off the pit. Johnny Cage is no longer my spirit animal.  And Quan Chi revealed his deception to Scorpion.

I call bullshit on how Sonya defeated Motaro! Thabks, Motaro for defending yourself... Liu Kang fights Goro as Quan Chi, Shang Tsung and Raiden watch.

 Johnny Cage saves Sonya, kicks monster ass and one shots Motaro...  it's still bulshit but since it's Johnny Cage I'll allow it. (Not because of "sexism",  but canonically, he's one of the strongest warriors of Earthrealm)  and finally Johnny shows off his trademark move. A notion is fans at the awesomeness that is Johnny Cage and Sonya is moist.

Cage and Sonya save Jax after beating Kano. Back at Shang Tsung's throne room, Liu Kang is getting his ass kicked.
Scorpion just saved Liu Kang's ass. Now Shang Tsung is oulling the same deal as Quan Chi to trick Scorpion into winning for Outworld.

Liu Kang Won!? Now Shang Tsung wants to fight and Raiden basically makes him his bitch without lifting a finger. Scorpion has Quan Chi to himself... REVENGE MODE ENGAGED!! Scorpion gets revenge.
Sequel set up and the end...

 it was a decent movie that told a strange retelling of Mortal Kombat 1. DID I love it? No. The thing that bothered me that it wasn't faithful to both Mortal Kombat timelines. I know I said that it was more faithful than the Paul WS Anderson movie, I still stand by that, but  it's that some things simply didn't click with me.  (Probably my continuity purist die talking) I did enjoy it for it for what it was.

3 comments:

  1. https://web.archive.org/web/20070922110812/http://www.freewebs.com/mischief3000/wip.htm

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  2. I no longer have access to any sprites I made all those years ago. The computer where those were made died a long time ago and the one that replaced it too. The random edits posted online is all that's left.

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