Sep 16, 2021

I must apologize to Noelle Stevenson

 She no longer holds the title of Worst thing that ever happened to MOTU or POP. The title officially belongs to the people in charge of the Netflix Bastardization of He-Man. Even the incompetent "professional" "writer", Scott Neitlich should feel redeemed  that his mediocre Green Lantern rip-off is no longer a laughing stock. Not even Rian Johnson AND Jar Jar Abrams could take such a massive dump on MOTU.

I know, I know... "It'S fOr ChIlDrEn! It'S nOt FoR yOu!" and all the other excuses to accept mediocrity.

But I need to point out the good things. The BGM is decent, the voice cast is good. The backgrounds are a bit too Nomura era of Final Fantasy for my taste, but they look good.

Wait what? Modulok is now a game!? Horde Villain is now a game!? Fuck you, inferior MOTU. It's kinda hard to point out the good, when they hit you with such bullshit. Oh yeah, Sky sleds are now generic as fuck.
Bike shorts... ugh! I get it leotard's can do things to young children's minds, but Teela looks like she's wearing a 1920s male swimsuit.
Fuck the theme song with a rusty spoon full of AIDS, all forms of Hepatitis, with a sprinkle of gonorrhea, and syphilis! Seriously, it makes the We're gonna win in the end stupid Noelle Stevenson's bastardization of She-Ra theme song sound PASSABLE! This is so bland, generic, and it feels like it could fit in pretty nuch EVERY CARTOON instead of being exclusive to He-Man.

A Cringer who is not afraid of his own Shadow!? Do you EVEN MOTU!? How in Satan's mangled left testicle did Mattel approve of this Shit!? Also, why does Cringer sound like a Dollar store Liam Neeson? A character voiced by Yuri Lowenthal is swinging like Spider-Man... 

Wait, Genderbent Ram Man is called Krass'tine!? Wonder if Rule 34 has done its thing... yup... New Teela has gotten far less love than Ram Ma'am... Damn, that was fast! But going back to the Green Tiger Tribe being totally not the Kokiri Forest...

What's with Teela doing more Jutsus than a Naruto character? Wait, did Cringer just implied a Teela, Ram Ma'am, Adam love Triangle? Tumblr's gonna have a field day now. 

Oh no. The bad guys have come to burn the Village. What are our heroes going to do. Please reread those sentences in Ben Stein's voice. This feels so JRPG-like that I'm getting XENOGEARS flashbacks. Adam gets his Nomura overcompensating blade and summons the power... has a bit manlier transformation than Kevin Smith's gay sailor senshi transformation.

How can you make Snake Mountain look cool and lame at the same time? Like this...
Seems that Keldor Wose Fwom his Gwave with a zombie hand... also wait a minute: Ben Diskin voices Skeletor and Yuri Lowenthal voices He-Man... Ben Diskin voices Rock Man while Yuri Lowenthal voices Beck, the Mighty No.9...

Now let me put aside the impish angry reviewer character. I cannot say that this is a good Masters of the Universe show. Due to all the changes that it makes it so incredibly different from the source material, I cannot say that this resembles a Masters of the Universe show. It may have the names of the characters and some passing semblance in some sections of the plot, but there are way too many things that come from non MOTU Sources, that it feels like this was designed by committee and taking everything that was popular at the time of that meeting and tossing it into a pot. Yes, I'm well aware that in the eighties this type of Unholy concoction created what we know now as Masters of the Universe. 

The problem is that this is to MOTU what Crystal Pepsi was to Pepsi. Like Netflix She-Ra, this show is far much better if you scrub the little remains of the Mattel toy property out. 

What's the point of tampering with the formula to the point that it's no longer recognizable? 
This is like buying one of those spirit Halloween sexy nun costumes and claiming that a person wearing it is an actual nun. 

Unlike Netflix She-Ra, this one seems more interested in being a decent show (not a Good MOTU show) than being the MOST PROGRESSIVE LGBTQ+ SHOW EVER!!1! This show isn't Rise of the TMNT offensive, but it's no 201X Thundercats either.

In some ways it's much better than the Netflix adaptation of She-Ra but in others it is far worse. To me it seems that the main problem is that the so-called creative are more interested in putting their spin on the property instead of making it a good take on the property. I feel that a traditional He-Man done with a slightly more modern twist could actually work, if done properly. 

If it hadn't been for the extreme deviations from The Source material, it would have been nearly impossible for me to make the angry reviewer part. It may not be for me, but I feel kind of sad that kids today won't know the real He-Man.

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