Dec 25, 2015

Fall of Eternia 2 and 3: confirming why Scott Neitlich should be banned from writing comics.

We have been waiting for this since the Oo-Larr mini Comic was revealed. Thanks to a good friend, I was able to read the Minis BEFORE my figures arrive sometime in January... (2015 rankings coming up once I get the figures)
It starts where the last one ended up and the heroes run away like wusses. Right out of the bat we have He-Man running away... To Thundaria where Orko rips off Green Lantern lore...
Then we have Gorpo's goons picking up the rubble on Grayskull and we see Megabeast discard the Frozen in Gemstone Horde Prime head... I actually chuckled at that.
Spector gets a Speaking Role... and yes, I heard Scott's Voice when Spector Spoke... They need Technology to go back, but only Magic can go forward in Time Travel... Also MEFII is a glorified amplifier for Neitlich... err, Spector.
Yes, He-Man's plan is to send Dare back to the past in a Reverse Faceless One Maneuver.
Dare and Spector reach Preternia... How can I describe Preternia?

Neitlich is a dick to Illumina... He tossess Illumina in the comic and she kills Spector, while she takes a jab at the gimp suit... Then He-Ro, the real deal, turns Illumina into Sleetah... "We'll never need to deal with you again!" says He-ro after he "destroys Illumina". I don't know about you but this is clearly a jab against Emiliano Santalucia, creator of Illumina. Spector's death seals his Mary Sue Role... "Heroic Sacrifice" The Mighty one died by bringing Dare to the past.

so He-ro takes Preten-Dor to Eldor so he can have a Rocky Montage. Seriously, all the spells Eldor have are "Hero spells" and they need to be used by a Hero... I feel a song coming up.

Meanwhile, Skeleteen is used to showcase new villains: Merman 2, Tunglashor 2, Trap Jaw 2 and Old Beastman... Gorpo gets the Spell of Separation and splits the planet in two to get the Star Seed.

Neitlich wastes a page on He-Man bitching about the leaked pics of Gorpo on 4chan!? Man he's worse than Anita... He also explains how the power of grayskull works... which is something we already know... The cool part is the art where He-Man is punting Beastman...

Let's take a Breather here before the Part 3 of the Fall of Eternia...
We're being overloaded with Exposition on more than HALF of the 3 minis... This is on par with Prequels Lucas bad writing... You may have noticed that I did NOT mention the King Hiss is revived to be killed by Gorpo immediately because it's TOO FREAKING STUPID!!

Now let's do part 3:
Dare and He-Ro wearing a James Hook Costume... there's a change in the artist. Axel is no longer drawing the characters here.
So they go to Eldor and now has to study Books...

We have a Montage... where Sharella is hit by an arrow and becomes green. (we don't see the turning green part but it's implied... and yes she was Preternia Teela basically)

Back in the present: Orko, sharella, Sister Teela... Seriously she looks like a freaking nun! and Master Sebrian are trying to hold the planet together... now there is NO EXCUSE TO NOT MAKE A SEBRIAN FIGURE, MATTEL!! and they get assistance from Evil Lyn who gets repowered and a hell of a plastic surgery... (remember she's old enough to be He-Man's mother)
but that isn't enough and we get help from That Guy in Yellow who Participated in a Tug of War against He-Man who is now a cosmic being... and vanishes as fast as he came... Neitlich is a dick to Tug O' War fans...

So Dare is going to the present and indirectly help Gorpo because he needs the Power Sword to unlock the Star Seed and Dare is hellbent on going to the present... King Grayskull gives Dare a pep talk that made me sick to my stomach (doesn't help that I have a cold)...
The Heroes and villains face up in UBG III...
Splash page with CastleGrayskullman, Old Sea Hawk, Bow flying on Arrow... TRUE BLUE POP ARROW... She-Ra was demoted to Man-at-Arms... She's wearing a Duncan-esque She-Ra Helmet and is clad in green and orange... But there is someone with a Duncan Helmet and sporting his mace... Sonofabitch! 200X Roboto is in this... and Mo-Larr is apparently an evil Warrior from the Future... Mo-Larr is canon... Let that sink in for a moment... Neitlich FORCED MO-LARR INTO MOTU CANON...

Then it turns into two little kids playing with their toys when Gorpo and Dare summon their key characters in their prime to do a death battle. No, scratch that... It's

And Orko teams up with Dare to Kill Gorpo in the most pathetic way... Seriously, Orko pops a flower out of his hat and Gorpo's like WTF... Then Dare Penetrates Gorpo with his sword from behind in a Reverse Sephiroth Maneuver...

Dare sends the heroes back to their time and now the battle between Dare and Skeleteen will go on for the Starseed seeing that there is no Grayskull now.

I'll let a professional reviewer summarize my thoughts on these comics:

Whoops! wrong Critic,,,

Again, this feels like Neitlich tried to tell a 200+ page novel in 42 pages. Then there's the whole fact that this arc was nothing but a ploy to force feed us Dare as the new Hero in charge... Who is better than He-Man and She-Ra combined. That pep speech of King Grayskull being all proud of him made me sick, because for years we've been told He-Man and She-Ra are the heroes of Prophecy, not Dare the turdburglar! The ending was a huge letdown... even for a Neitlich comic. Seriously it's a retread from the past mini comics... 2 of them are loaded with exposition and the third one tries to make up for it with Splash pages and more characters appearing out of the blue. Not sure if intentional, but the whole History Repeats itself was rather dull and uninspiring. Forced Cameos felt forced and the whole taking his whole Emiliano Vendetta thing to the publish page feels a bit unprofessional... Hopefully Mattel will release Illumina as a final Screw You to Neitlich.

Now that we have the entire Neitlichverse we can see how horrible it is as a whole... Heroes acting unheroically (genocide, literal backstabbing the villain,) Neitlich using his position to take jabs at others, horrible pacing and trying to force feed unpopular concepts to the fans.
Also, Captain of the Guard She-Ra is Misogynistic as hell...

Skeleteen and Dare don't look so hot on this either... I mean hot as desirable (not sexually desirable, but as in I need these two on my shelf desirable) Dare ended up being a Mary Sue... even bigger than Spector. Seriously, dare becomes a Better He-Man than HE-MAN AND SHE-RA COMBINED... That's...

I knew I needed the Goldblum clip somewhere on this rant... Here's where it was needed, oh well!
Skeleteen ended up being a FLUNKY... a Flunky who became boss once Mitch the Uno was killed like a little bitch... How can we make the character desirable as a toy when his appearance is reduced to Skeleteen = Gorpo's Bitchboy #3... Jitsu is #2 and King Hssss is #1.

I expected the comics to be bad, but this is EROTIC FAN FIC BAD!!! (and BTW there is an Erotic Fanfic of Skeleteen on the internets... That's where I firstgot inspired for the battle cry for Skeleteen... SKELETEEEEENUH M***********!)

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah, Hearthswarming Eve or whatever you celebrate!

No comments:

Post a Comment