If the phrase sounds familiar, you're thinking of Dinosaur Walt Disney. It's no Miracle on 34th Street, but it's John Hammond, played by the late Sir Richard Attenborough... or Hide the Pain Harold, based on Mattel's sculpt.
John Alfred Hammond is basically Walt Disney showing his asshole side... in the novel. In the movoe he's a more sanitized and family friendlier version.
 |
| Hammond: Yes, let me show you how the Dinosaurs are made. I SPARED NO EXPENSE Malcolm: *laughs in Goldblum* Sattler: Waht are you waiting for? Parker: I dunno, I have a bad feeling about this... Malcolm: I like ya' kid! You have a knack to sense the chaos... and Hammond reeks of it! Hammond: Pish posh! You've been trying to get me shut down before even starting with your theories! |
Articulation
Hammond is a pretty articulated figure for an old man with a limp. Any more articulation and he could be a superhero. Double jointed elbows and knees... can almost make the splits... sadly the ankles are his weak point.
4.0
 |
| Hammond: We used top of the notch cloning technology to create these dinosaurs. I SPARED NO EXPENSE! Sattler: Wow... Malcolm: You sonofabitch! Parker: Clones, nothing good comes from cloning... Scarlet Spiders: WE HEARD YOU, YA DOUCHE!! |
Paint and sculpt
Like I said before, the likeness is a bit off on this figure. From the neck down, it's decent. Hell they even sculpted and painted a wife beater that you normally cannot see. That's some unexpected attention to detail. Sadly that level of attention didn't reach the head. Mr. Hammond's glasses aren't even attached to the Head properly. The glasses simply float in front of the ears. The cane loses paint by looking at it. Has lots of black splotches or chipped paint in lots of places. But the tampographed mosquito is pretty cool.
3.5
Accessories
Extra head without hat
Extra hands
Newborn Raptor in egg
Cane
Mattel seems to have given up on the yellow Amber stand.
4.0
Overall
Hammond gets a 3.83 as his final score. The accessories are a step in the right direction but they still feel lacking. The paint and sculpt issues are detrimental to the line, but I'm a sucker for Jurassic Park stuff... mistly because of the book. The movie it's obviously cool but the book is better.
But wait, since I spared no expense, here's the Ellie Sattler review as a bonus. I mean she already appears on the Hammond review pics.
So, Dr. Ellie Sattler, Paleobotanist, badass, played by Laura Dern in the movie... played by Ashley Tisdale on her Zack and Cody days aged to 33 years old with the BTTF prosthetic makeup.
Articulation
Can't twist at the waist or torso. Ankle articulation is non-existent. Tied up shirt blocks the already limited torso articulation. But she can do the splits better than Johnny Cage.
3.0
 |
| Mcfarlane quality... the arm is Harry Pottah's. |
Paint and sculpt
Like I said, she doesn't look that much like Laura Dern. To be fair, the only two things I know Dern from are Jurassic Park and The Last Jedi... only one of those movies has a Laura Dern Toy that looks like Dern... sadly, it's not this one. The paint is so minimal that it's hard to screw it up... but Mattel, uh, finds a way. The guys at Entertainment Earth sent me a good looking Sattler. There have been some issues about some Sattlers being released with an unpainted neck, which means her neck is blue.
4.0
Accessories
Extra head
Extra hands
Utility belt
Walkie-talkie
I feel like there's something missing, but can't quite put my finger on it.
4.0
 |
| Hammond: And this concludes our "How Dinosaurs are made" tour. Follow my clone of Michael Gough who is currently playing Alfred Pennyworth to the Restaurant, where our chefs have prepared some exquisite meals... I SPARED NO EXPENSE! Alfred: Oh, yes sir... Come along! Our chefs have prepared some delectable pasta with dinosaur shapes in a sauce made from milk curds, accompanied by maize in buttersauce with chicken breasts bathed in their menstruation and smothered in their food before being cut into dinosaur shapes and airfried. Malcolm: That sounds like a child's TV Dinner... Parker: At least the chicken is not a clone... Alfred: Master Parker, I'm afraid to tell you that the chicken, the maize, and the cow from which the cheese and butter used on this meal are all clones... |
Overall
Sattler gets a 3.66 as her final score. I don't know what's wrong with Mattel but they are not getting it in the sculpt Department. I don't know what it is but 3 figures 3 sculpts that look nothing like the actors they're supposed to be representing. I guess I'll try to complete the humans from the first movie.
Dodgson doesn't count since his appearance was mostly unrelated to the park.
 |
| Sattler: So all I have to do is dye my hair purple and be a total bitch until I decide to pull off a Kamikaze? How much money are we talking about? Hammond: (I feel for the Star Wars fans... Hide the pain, John... Hide the pain) |
Getting the dinosaurs on the other hand is going to be a bitch!! I missed out on the Dilophosaurus and now she's over $100... the Brachiosaurus is a bit expensive. If you could be obtainable but it would be for just the one so they won't move in herds. I already own a T-Rex and the velociraptors are impossible to find... especially since I would need three... the two Sidekicks and clever girl. Could you imagine if they made the Ford Explorers and the Jeep in 6-inch scale.
No comments:
Post a Comment