Because I am misusing Rauru's Power to make Phallic Structures. Well Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Nintendo! YOU! Gave ME! The power to take 2 Boulders and fuse them together, then you made THICK LOGS intended for rafts that could be attached to the stones making a rather big penis and testicles.
I got myself The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom... and could only play 45 minutes (won't be able to play again until Saturday, because responsibilities) but I dicked around with the game a bit long enough to get the first 2 abilities.
I haven't played Breath of the Wild for quite some time but, was I got to dick around with Link for a little bit, pun not intended; I felt right at home with Tears of the Kingdom. Sure the Sheikah Slate is gone and all the cool runes with it... bye bye infinite bombs! I already miss you! But Hello Mr Penis! I am not the only one who has made dicks across Hyrule.
I've seen facebook reels and twitter vids of people posting their Legendary Zonai dicks but can't share them on blogger otherwise they'll put this rant on "adult content" and give no explanation on WHY they did it.
Guess I must tame this new old Hyrule and make the kingdom cry like an anime fan on prom night.
Hide your pots, hide your chickens, because Link is hungry and he's ARMED... literally, because he lost his right hand to Gannondorf. Once I have made the kingdom cry a bit more I will be able to review the sequel to Breath of the Wild. So don't be surprised if my posting slows down a bit in the next few weeks.
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