May 2, 2019

Avengers: Endgame: The rant (language)

finally  so Avengers: Endgame and it was awful...
Yes, you read that right. I said that Avengers: Endgame was awful! Before you start going to watch the Torches and pitchforks, hear me out. I will be dealing with spoilers so once we get to the jump that's where the spoilers will begin but I'll give a quick explanation for those who haven't seen it can understand, why it was awful.

It's the culmination of 10 years of Storytelling and 22 movies. Counting Incredible Hulk, Spider-Man Homecoming, and Cap'n Meh Vel. It was I so much flashing spectacle of special effects and it had truly amazing moments. It had "ooh and aaah!" moments, which would make it a very enjoyable experience, which it is...

I know what you're thinking but Nefty if you're saying it's an enjoyable experience why do you say it's awful?

Plot holes yes that's right plot holes big enough that you could shove Star Lord's dad through it... some can be ignored others well let's just say they can make Spider Senses tingle, and even Daredevil can see them.

And then there's a stinky cheese that goes well with whine and crackers but this one doesn't go well with crackers. I'm of course talking about Captain overrated Keeper of the flat ass REEEEEEE! Larson. She practically suck the joy out of everything 14 out of her full 15 minutes of appearance.

By the way I'm just excited waiting on the Brie Larson part was yes she did something Everything She Wants in except one she wasn't like the biggest issue with the movie It's the plot holes but I won't go into them until after the jump for the sake of those who haven't seen the movie if you have seen the movie or want to be spoiled do the Mario and hit that jump!

But before the jump here is a slight summary of what I'm trying to say it's an enjoyable and fantastic film but the flaws did ruin it for me.

So you did the Mario... I have to ask id you swung your arms from side to side...

Okay so this is the part where I will be talking spoilers like... this is your last chance to go back!

You ready?

Sure, spoilers below!

Natasha's dead, Tony's dead,the Spidey problem, the ass kicking the Brie got, and Marvel part to get rid of the original Avengers! Loki, McFly... etc.

So where to begin: time travel.
Time travel usually ends up being a lazy cop out and it kind of worked in this movie. The big problem we have now is that we have time travel in the Marvel Universe. I know that in the comic books are many ways to travel back in time, but these are in the comics. And we know that we can alter the timeline without dire consequences because we have Loki and old fart Cap. What's stopping the next time traveler from say saving Uncle Ben, saving Pietro, stopping the hydra infiltration, or whatever the hell Loki will do now with the extra space Stone.

We then half the whole post-snap people returning. As we saw in Ant-Man many houses were abandoned, looted and raided by survivors. Now all these people that came back have no homes, no jobs, nothing. Not to mention the psychological damage to those that remained and the inevitable to those who were lost. Which brings me 4th to my next Point Peter Parker: he wants around five or six during Iron Man 2 by the time of Captain America Civil War he was 15 to 16. So so after the snap we had a 5 years later time Jump, right?
So let's see 15 + 5 equals 20... at the end of the movie Peter returns to high school and he meets up with his friend, Ned. His 20 year old high school student, Ned...
While Peter is still literally 15...

Since Natasha sacrifice herself for the Soul Stone how are we going to have a present day Black Widow movie? Oh great, another no Stakes flashback movie (unenthusiastic) yay...

Last but not least we have to deal with elephant in the room and I'm talking about Brie Larson I mean Cap'n Meh Vel.
She literally contributed nothing to the story. Before anyone attempts to mention rescuing Stark at the beginning, or destroying Thanos's ship,hear me out...

Those things could've easily been made by other characters.
Start could have been easily rescued by one of the ravagers who could have received Nebula's SOS signal. Or even better having Adam Warlock hatch and save Stark because he was drawn to the whole residual energy from the gems or something. We were teased with his father in Guardians of the Galaxy movies both in the collector's collection and in Guardians 2. Same thing with destroying the the ship from finals that could have been Warlock's grand entrance or the mighty for being mighty and crashing that ship with a huge bolt of lightning... so her inclusion the feels very, VERY tacked-on.

The only good thing I can say about the time Jump is that since the Snap-on we have five years that's plenty of enough time for mutants begin to show up on manifesting your abilities long enough to become some sort of threat... not to mention that read Richards Expedition could be one civilian probe into space trying to find answers about the missing Heroes.

Going back to my whole issue of it being awful well it's not that it's awful it's just that the bad parts are really really really really bad can't take away some of the enjoyment out of the movie but then again I'm a geek so I'm supposed to nitpick the shit out of these.

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