What if Super7 did Mortal Kombat:

 Based on the First Game Only. Just for the sake of completing a roster. If successful then we move to MK2, then 3 and I don't care after that.

So, let's see who we have available:

Kano

Liu Kang

Raiden

Johnny Cage 

Scorpion

Subzero 

Sonya

Reptile

Goro

Shang Tsung

That's 10 figures or 3 waves of 3 figures and a single Oversized Goro Release.

Wave 1:

Liu Kang:

2 heads: Neutral, angry.

Hands: standard hands for Liu Kang 

Accessories: fireball with stand.

Liu Kang is a vanilla release with nothing flashy to add. 

Reptile:

3 heads: Ninja masked head, MK2 head, MK2 reptilian head with articulated jaw and swappable tongues

Hands: standard hands for MK Ninja

Accessories:

Scorpion's spear long and short

Subzero iceball with stand.

Removed MK2 Ninja Mask

Tongues

Force bubble effects

Acid spit effect

I know I am adding Mortal Kombat 2 elements to this Reptile. The reason I'm doing this is so it doesn't feel like a cheap repaint. It also means that I'm planning ahead for the Mortal Kombat 2 invisble variant release by pre-making some parts.

Sonya Blade:

3 heads: MK1 styled neutral, mk1 deadly kiss head, non canonical MK3 styled neutral head

Hands: standard Sonya hands

Accessories:

Energy rings with stand, deadly kiss, pile of ashes with some bones showing.

I'm adding the MK3 head as a preview of things to come and as a backup in case MK3 doesn't happen.

Super7's extortion pak:

-Movie styled Liu Kang head

-GITD Force Bubble and acid spit effects for Reptile

-MK3 Deadly kiss Sonya head.

Wave 2:

Raiden:

3 heads: Normal, normal with holes on eyes for GITD Lightning effects, Non canonical movie inspired head (Pesina likeness but with Lambert hair)

Hands: Standard Raiden hands, hands with plug holes for victory Lightning effects

Accessories:

GITD Lightning effect with stand

GITD Lightning effets that can be put on his arms and legs.

GITD lightning effect that plugs on head 2's eyeholes.

GITD Victory Lightning effects that plug in hands.

This figure is also setting up the precedent for a glow in the dark variant teleporting Raiden. Gotta milk those non-ninja molds.

Johnny Cage:

3 heads: neutral, angry, smiling

Hands: standard JC hands. Hand for holding intact glasses, hand for holding autographed photo, hand holding marker.

Accessories:

GITD green plasma ball with stand

$500 Glasses (intact)

$500 Glasses (smashed)

Signed Autograph.

There is a bit going on with Cage, but not that much. Also, I'm setting up a GITD Green "afterimage" variant.

Sub-Zero:

2 heads: MK1, MK2

hands, standard Sub-Zero hands

Accessories:

Ice ball with stand

Hands with icy effects for the deep freeze fatality, spine and skull with hinged jaw for the MK1 fatality.

Super7 extortion pak:

-movie inspired Raiden head with holes for GITD Lightning effects

-soft goods MK2 blue overlay and slip on bicep armor.

-Movie inspired Cage head

-Frozen spine and skull

Wave 3:

Kano:

3 heads: neutral, angry, with hole for firing laser

Hands: standard hands, Heart hand

Accessories:

Knife

Thrown knife with stand

Laser effect that plugs on head 3

Heart for heart hand

Plug in Blood splatter effect to simulate Kano sticking his hand into the opponent.

Shang Tsung:

Reuses Liu Kang body with Soft goods outfit.

4 Heads: Old Neutral, Old angry, Young Neutral, Young Angry.

Standard Shang Tsung hands.

Accessories:

MK1 sword

Skull fireball with stand

Mk2 top (soft goods)

Shang Tsung is a 2-in-1 figure and also takes a MK2 figure out of the to do list. Most of his cost lies on the soft goods.

Scorpion:

3 Heads: MK1, MK2, Skull with hinged jaw from Sub-Zero fatality.

Hands: standard Scorpion hands

Accessories:

Removed mask MK1

Removed mask MK2

Spear long and short

Fire breath effect

Sonya's pile of bones and ashes

Super7 extortion pak:

-Movie styled Kano head

-GITD soul sucking hands for Shang Tsung

-Scorpion skull repainted in smoldering colors with clip on flaming effects.

Wave 4:

Goro:

He's big...

3 Heads: Neutral, Angry, Movie inspired after getting pumched in the balls.

Hands: standard hands but doubled, since he has four hands.

Accessories:

Fireball with Stand

There isn't much to do with Goro. That's why he's alone... and that he's big.

But it's not over yet, since I started MK2, I have to see what they'd need to complete it:

Liu Kang

Raiden

Johnny Cage

Scorpion

Sub-Zero 

Reptile

Kitana

Mileena

Shang Tsung 

Jax

Kung Lao

Baraka

Smoke

Noob Saibot

Jade

Kintaro

Shao Kahn

That's 10 figures plus two oversized bosses.

Liu Kang is mostly a repaint but new heads and slip-on bracers. 

Johnny Cage requires new forearms and new everything from the waist down... and new heads.

Here I'd  give him bare forearms with both bracers from MK2 and MKT. 

Mk2 heads and MKT head

Curved Energy ball with modular stand. Reuse the autograph stuff from the first figure.

Smoke is a Scorpion redo with less accessoriws and some new ones as replacement.

1 head:

Same scorpion hands

Scorpion spear long and short

Smoke effects for arms.

Smoke cloud move

Noob Saibot is Scorpion with even less stuff and in black plastic.

I'd add a Kano head and the UMK3 smoke cloud projectile with stand.

Jade would be a Kitana repaint, so She'd get the Kitana stuff plus her staff and Shuriken. She'd be dark skinned like her UMK3 version though.

Jax would get arm interchangeably from the get go. (In preparation for the MK3 variant)

2 heads, standard hands.

For accessories the ground pound effect and the energy wave with stand.

Kitana gets 2 heads masked and unmasked.

She gets the standard hands and special spinning fan hands. (These two hands allow the use of a special free spinning fan accessory to simulate her whirlwind move.)

Accessories fans open, closed and a stand to hold the open fan when used as a projectile.

Mileena gets Kitana's body and hands (minus the fan hands) ishe gets her sai, projectile sai with stand and 2 alternate tarkatan heads. 

Baraka of course requires some attention, but is not too demanding in accessories.

Short and long arm blades, blade spartk effect.

Kung Lao, he requires some attention, but once you get past the body it's rather easy.

2 heads, usual hands, hat.

That's all the basic figures. 

All that's left is Shao Kahn and Kintaro... I won't go into those two because it's too much of a hassle and I can see Super7 repainting goro with a little partswap for Kintaro and now you're mad.

Rumor: Storm Collectibles lost the Mortal Kombat license

 No Shang Tsung,  No Sonya, and no Johnny Cage...

The rumors point out at this being hugely in part stemming from Warner Brothers. They've been a bit too micromanagement intense with thwir licenses and forced Todd to release Weapon packs and I can't believe one was released and I missed out... to the scalpers! Imagine how'd they overreact to the bloodiness of Mortal Kombat... 

I honestly don't know WHO should have the MK License:

Mattel has shitty distribution and would make Scorpion a Target exclusive while Subzero is Walmart's. Goro would be a Mattel website exclusive with Reptile only on BBTS and Entertainment Earth.

Hasbro would make 30 versions of Scorpion and Subzero and having Sonya in a Hasbro Pulse 5 pack with Stryker, Mokap, Kobra, and TsuHao. Kitana would be in an amazon exclusive 5 pack with Mavado, Daego, Taven, and Meat. 

NECA would release a few ninjas, then give up when Shujinko isn't selling Scorpion numbers.

Won't mention McFarlane because he'd turn it into another SpaMn line.

Super7... let's do that tomorrow.

Crazy TMNT Variant ideas: Videogame Edition

 Super7 is getting MASSIVELY cockblocked by Playmates right now, so we're going to get new variants from Kyle... so following his Martial Arts movie idea, I'm going to the next level with Videogames:

J-RPG Leonardo:

As you might've guessed, Leonardo's design will be based on 90s J-RPGs... so fantasy with a little steampunk...

-new heads (one with leonardo sporting a Dolph Lundgren as He-Man wig, the other has a circlet with lenses over his eyes doubling as his mask.

-New torso with a Deep V Neck white sleeveless shirt. Pants have an oversized Belt similar to those seen in Masters of the Universe. 

-New thighs with clean pants that match Rocker Leo in Dark Blue. Lower legs from Rocker Leo with grey Knee Pads, Dark Blue pants and brown boots.

-Normal Leo shoulders and biceps

-New forearms with mismatching armor.

-punker Don Right hands and new left hand.

-removable plastic vest with furry neck trim.

Alternate soft goods dark blue tunic with removable plastic bandolier (like MOTUC He-Man) to wear over the tunic.

Accessories:

-oversized mechsword

-Pistol sword

-shield

-Legendary sword

-katana

You have display options and you can go more traditional J-RPG looks or you can go on a Nomura inspired look from the late 90s. Not to mention a double nod to Cam Clarke, the OG Leo voice. 

Stealth game Donatello:

This Donatello will be Heavily inspired by games like Metal Gear and Splinter Cell.

-normal Donatello head and new head wearing a full face mask with purple glasses (think Ninja Snake Eyes as inspiration)

-new Torso (literally the Nightwatcher Torso, but in shades of dark purple, dark blue, and black)

-Rapping Mike left thigh new Right thigh based on rapping Mike but with gun holster.

-New lower legs based on Solid Snake with Space Cadet Raph Feet.

New arms taking inspiration from MGS2 Raiden with Space Cadet Raph hands.

Accessories:

-New Gun based on the Mk.23 with laser sight and a removable silencer.

-telescopic Bo staff (both collapsed and extended)

-Night Vision Goggles from UC Raphael

-knife from Foot Soldier

-Sniper rifle

-Plastic explosive

Fighting game Raphael:

As you may have guessed, this Raphael is based on fighting games (street fighter, mortal kombat, etc)

-heads: New head with the Bandana covering the top of his head (Like in Rise of the TMNT), new screaming Raph head. 

-new torso with red pants.

-reuse Rapping Mike legs and Feet (red pants, white knee pads, red and white sneakers)

-normal raph arms but new badaged up forearms

-new bandaged up hands (standard hands plus "hadoken" hands)

-soft goods sleeveless gi top and belt.

Accessories:

- pair of sai from Raphael 

- 3 kunai from samurai Leo

- glasses from Surfin Mike

Platforming game Mikey:

This Mikey is a tribute to 2D platforming games like Castlevania and Mega Man.

-New heads one with NES Boxart Mega Man inspired Helmet, head inspired by Captain N's Simon Belmont.

-Reuse the fighting game Raph torso

-new legs simulating tights with new boots that reuse Space Cadet Raph Feet. (Grey pants orange boots and kneepads)

Reuse standard Michelangelo arms and hands

(Adding extra Space Cadet Raph hands)

-soft goods sleeveless coat

-soft plastic removable futuristic armor (similar to removable MOTUC Armor)

Accessories:

-2 slip on arm bracers (to use in Mega Man inspired Mode) with hand cannon tips (to use in place of the SCRaph hands)

-single nunchaku with long chain (both real chain and sculpted versions)

-Mega Saber futuristic hilt that can plug the robotic Rocksteady beam saber as well.

-piece of breakable wall and secret pizza.

- oversized four point Ninja Star.

- 3 Samurai Leo kunai

With Mikey you can go full Castlevania inspired, Megaman inspired or something in between.

J-RPG Splinter:

This Splinter will be based on 90s J-RPGs butt with little to no Nomura inspired looks.

-New head

-New torso with chainmail inspired by wacky action splinter

-new forearms with archery bracer.

-reuse flocked Splinter's soft goods tunic and Shredder's soft goods belt.

-reuse legs feet and tail from Splinter.

Accessories:

-bow and arrows from Splinter

-Quiver

-Japanese tea set.

-wakizashi

-walking stick/club.

Beat'em up Casey:

This Casey is based on games like final fight, double dragon, or the various Konami beat'em ups like X-Men or TMNT.

-Heads: New unmasked Casey, Classic masked Casey

-New T-shirt with vest torso (think 1990 movie.)

-New shoulders and biceps with short sleeves.

-New hands with biker gloves. (Standard Casey poses and a new wider grip hand)

-new crotch 

-reuse old Casey legs and feet.

Accessories:

-Trashcan

-reuse Casey bat

-steel pipe

-katana

-whip

-broken bottle

-knife

-pizza slice

-soda can

-money bag

The idea is that you can kinda make a movie casey with this figure.

Platforming RPG April: 

Metroidvania sans Vania is the inspiration here... Maybe a hint of Doom

Heads:

-New April head, New April inside a Turtle head shaped Helmet, Winking April head

-new "bodysuit body in yellow, gold and white.

-reuse april hands and feet in white.

-slip on Armored Turtle shell and Plastron.

-slip on bicep armor

-slip on vambraces with wrist mounted cannons

-slip on thigh guards

-clip on shinguards and back of leg armor.

Accessories:

-firing effect for wrist cannons.

-small blaster

-plasma knife

J-RPG Shredder:

Now I also need to do some of the bad guys:

Shredder will take inspiration from J-RPG games.

Heads:

-one with SOTO based helmet, one with Oroku Saki head, one with sharklike teeth creating the illusion of his mask and three bony protrusions mimicking his helmet.

-torso would be heavily inspired by Wacky action Shredder.

-he has a soft goods sleeveless black coat held together by a removable bandolier with a MOTU styled Belt. The Bandolier also holds the spiked Pauldrons (inspired by mutating Shredder)

-new forearms with new blades. (Toon based blades)

-new hands (with toon based blades) 

-pair of monstrous hands with bony protrusions mimicking the blades.

-large katana.

- energy effect for open hands.

This shredder is a mix of Ganondorf and Sephiroth visually.

FPS Rocksteady:

Rocksteady will be influenced by games like Doom and Duke Nukem

New heads:

Helmetless Rockesteady head, Rocksteady head with a Master Chief/classicDoomguy helmet.(in greys and greens mimicking Rocksteady's classic look).

Normal Rocksteady body with modern military boots. Pants would have Tiger stripe Camo print while the shirt is Red.

Removable bandolier inspired by Duke Nukem and Cable (as in the Liefeldian Mutant) with Rocksteady elements like the hip shells, a sheath for a Rocksteady sized Rambo knife.

-slip on futuristic armor inspired by Master Chief and Doomguy. In various tones of yellow and gold.

Hands:

Standard Rocksteady hands, adding expressive hands, pointing hands and a pair of fists with Brass knuckles sculpted into them.

Accessories:

-A Chainsaw shotgun inspired by the Gears of War Lancer.

-A Liefeldian laser rifle

-an oversized minigun

-Rocksteady sized Rambo knife.

Beat'em up game Bebop: 

This looks like Repaint City for Bebop: well, no.

New head sculpt based on Shredder's Revenge, Classic Bebop Headsculpt with new glasses closer to toon version but not completely toon version like the Shredder's Revenge version.

He gets a new Torso. (No sculpted necklace, as it will be an accessory), removable arms for changing vests. New longer vest and classic Normal Bebop vest.

Removable Bandolier.

Normal Bebop hands and new expressive hands.

Accessories:

-Classic Bone necklace.

-New Mr.T inspired bling necklace with gold plated skull.

-Roberta the Chainsaw (a nod to IDW and random weapon selection that some bosses have in beat'em ups)

-Triceraton Blaster (nod to the Konami Arcade game)

-Breakaway steel drum can (a beat'em up classic)

-pile of jewels

-Mutton roast 

You get 3 Display options for Beebs:

Closer to toy accurate, Shredder's Revenge inspired, Rambo inspired, or whatever mix and match thing you can design.

Platforming game Krang:

Obviously it's a nod to Mother Brain,  but he's more Dr. Wily inspired than MB:

There's nothing new with Krang himself aside maybe the tentacles, new tucked in tentacles in preparation for the eventual android body.

The 100% New sculpt is on the Bubble Walkers.

Yes, I said Walkers, plural. The main walker body would be similar to the wave 5 body, but with better constructed legs, but they should detach at the hip joint in ordet to allow modularity with the other walker.

The second walker, THE MEGA WALKER, reusing the Robotic Rocksteady legs, the nowmal walker base should be sandwiched with pieces that make It look inspired by Metal Gear TX55.

The third walker is just a little pair of wings with small jet engines that plug to the thigh holes on the main walker for Krang to escape after defeated.

Most of his accessories are the modular parts, maybe toss in some firing effects for the mega walker weapons. Normal walker still requires you to have wave 5 Krang as you can borrow the arms from there.

Horror game Foot Soldier accessory pack:

This is not a figure per se. It's 2 semi modular wrecked foot Soldier torsos that you can attach or remove heads and arms. Reusing the heads from the battle damaged foot soldier is a start adding 2 more heads: half sliced off head and smashed in head.

For arms you get 4 battle damaged arms with foot uniform bits remaining that can pop off at the shoulder, elbow and wrist and 2 endoskeletal arms that can pop off at the wrist, elbow and shoulder.

Hands with various bits of damage, also reuse the BD Foot hands and effects.

Horror game Foot Legion:

This is a nod to RESI and Castlevania. This is an oversized figure literally made from a bunch of wrecked Foot Soldiers. The idea is that throughout its guerrilla gorilla sized body sculpt, there are plenty of holes that you can plug extra heads and hands from the Battle damaged Foot Soldier, or the accessory pack, some areas allow you to use the arms from the accessory pack. It would come with a special piece that allows you to connect the broken torsos of the accessory pack to make it more robust.

Fighting Game Scratch:

I know, Scratch is not a CORE character, but Fighting game Karai or Rat King would be a cop out choice. For Scratch I looked at Cody from SFA3 AND Chand and Choi from KoF

This Scratch would be like 98% New sculpt:

Heads: New Head with Eyepatch on the left eye, new head with eyepatch on the right eye. Third head with eyepatch flipped up in the middle of the forehead.

He needs a symmetrical body for the Fighting game effect. (I believe only the hands, crotch and tail would be reusable form OG Scratch.)

Accessories:

Ball and chain with removable shackle (can be worn on any leg)

New handcuffs with long chain (see SFAlpha 3 Cody as reference)

2 Jailbird figurines:

One in a fighting stance, the other in mid-flight attack with stand.

1 twirling ball and chain effect

Fighting Game Rat King:

For the most part, this is a Rat King Repaint from tbe Neck down. The repaint would be based on Tournament Fighters. He gets New heads: 

Blond flattop neutral expression and blue eyes, Blond flattop screaming

Rat King head with fedora

Accessories:

Clip-on electric effects (based on Tournament Fighters)

Various rat buddies based on the canned version of Rat King.

Soft goods Trenchcoat nod to multiple versions of Rat King and Q from SF3

Wrestling game Tokka:

Using the Slash body with new Buckle, Shoulderpads, elbowpads, knee pads, wristbands, hands and feet.

The elbow and knee pads should have tassels like Ultimate Warrior. 

Heads:

Tokka head with a long haired wig (beak is articulated)

Tokka head without wig, but has a foot clan insignia painted on his face. His shell and body are painted in a style that is a combination of tribal designs and Jeff Hardy body paint.

Accessories:

2x4 wrapped in barbed wire

Sledgehammer

Feathered boa (a boa constrictor with feathers poorly taped on that can dangle on his neck.)

Wrestling game Guerrilla Gorilla:

Assuming the vest on Guerilla Gorilla is a separate piece, then reuse the body from the neck down. New heads inspired by Sgt. Slaughter and Hulk Hogan 

His camo paint will be inspired by Sgt. Bananas.

He gets a soft goods black wifebeater, a BDU soft goods jacket inspired by Sgt. Bananas (and the Sgt. Slaughter BDU outfit)

Drill Sergeant hat

GG glasses

GG helmet

Accessories:

Riding crop

Rifle (from GG)

Whistle necklace

Championship Belt

Larry the Lemur plushie.

Obviously, this is a nod to Sgt.Slaughter and Sgt. Bananas.

Temple of the ancients and the KHBS...

 Just like in REMAKE, REBIRTH Goes full Kingdumb Farts in the last two chapters. We go to the Temple of the Ancients in the northern continent. They pretty much changed everything and made it way trippier both ways, good and bad. The whispers make their appearance in the last two chapters. We get more Zack and a shit ton of cutscenes for a moment I thought I was playing a Hideo Kojima game. 7 hours between Temple of the ancients to the ending... and like half of that was cutscenes... and fighting Sephiroth... not jist vanilla Sephiroth, but a Disc 3 God being born.  Yes, Bizarro Sephiroth shiws up wtf. I have to beat him with Cloud, Zack, the rest of the party. Then I face Sephiroth with Cloud and Schrodinger's Cetra. We beat Sephiroth and now we head to the Northern Crater but it doesn't make sense due to Kingdumb Farts bullshit. 

In the remakeverse the dead don't stay dead and that's a load of bullshit. That is one of the things that bothers me from this world... also the KH convoluted nonsensical bullshit that we have mow a Final Fantasy VII Multiverse... French word for seal let's review this bitch!

Graphics:

I think I might be going blind because I don't see any huge difference between PS4 and PS5. Then again it might be my TV. I did get a couple of pictures hiccups on this game but they corrected themselves swiftly... unlike the infamous PlayStation 4 door.

9.5

Music and sounds:

Music is a mixed bag for me because, there are a few things that I enjoy the new rearrangements, others I don't. I'm not a fan of Aerith's new song at Gold Saucer. Blasphemy, I know. It just didn't resonate with me. The Voice work was fantastic for this game. But one person stole the show: Suzie Yeung as Yuffie. Her performance was amazing and she pwrfectly walked the line between annoying and cute, which is perfect for Yuffie. I'm not saying that the rest of the performances were bad, far from it. What I'm saying is that Yuffie's VA stole the show and her performance was memorable. Mainly because her bored and chocobo songs stuck harder with me than Aerith's "buy my CD" performance.

9.5

Gameplay:

It's Final Fantasy 7 remake all over again, but this time they ramped up the amount of mini games. Some are good, some are bad, and others make me think that America didn't nuke Japan hard enough during World War II. The normal aspects of the game are top-notch. How many games not so much. Even G-Bike got nerfed.

9.5 (actual game. Reduced to a 6.5 if we count minigames)

Controls:

They work for the most part... except when they become a bit cumbersome... Cait Sith box toss, I'm most definitely talking about you. G-Bike comes in second. 

8.5

Story:

The Saga continues over the rest of the first Disc 1: From Kalm to the Forgotten Capital. It does a good job for the most part. Many of the changes were good. Personally, not too convinced about the cargo ship, the whole Gold saucer Whodunit Mystery, traversing both Gongaga and cosmo Canyon, and everything from the Temple of the Ancients to the ending. If we remove the multiversal bullshit, the whispers, keeping the dead, dead, the story would be a 7.0 or higher. Unfortunately, I have to give it a 

5.5

Fun Factor:

Despite my complaints aboot controls and Nomura fucking the story up, I did have fun for the most part. Though some areas feel too padded for the sake of padding.

7.5

Overall:

If I ignore the minigames bullshit FFVII Re:Birth by sleep gets an 8.33 but I have to take the minigames into consideration. Which puts the game in 7.83 as its final score. Now we have to see if there will be a Vincent DLC,  since Yuie has a DLC with Remake... yes, I know I have to play the DLC, but that'll have to wait since my next Target is Spider-Man 2. 

Sidequest time: a FFVIIRe:Birth by Sleep rant

 Kate Sith is a traitor! I fought Don Cornholio and Rufus Shinra (not at the same time) but in the same area. I was forced to date a flat kebab. Game didn't let me screw the date like in the OG. Now the game is forcing me to do some side quests and waste time before unlocking the ending. It's almost as if the game is screaming DO SIDEQUESTS NOW BEFORE REACHING THE FINAL DUNGEON! So here I am right now Searchingnfor Pirate Treasure, avoiding the Gym, dealing with Cactuars, avoiding Hard Fort Condor, dabbling in Queen's Blood. Playing way too many annoying minigames... Fuck Gongaga, Fuck Cosmo Canyon.

I'm gonna say it: Gongaga has only 2 good things:

Cissnei

This fucking theme.  So now I'm in sidequest mode dreading the end and trying to figure out hiw will disc 2 will work because so much has changed... but that's a rant for another time. Yes, I just realized that Moogles are part of a mini game...

Random thoughts:

 I can't sleep, so here's some thoughts that keep me up past dawn:

-Has anyone fucked the Dune 2 Popcorn Bucket?you've seen the memes and the thing does look like a fleshlight. Unfortunately, they're not available in Puerto Rico... so I can't be brave enough to fuck the bucket...

Yes, it popped into my head and now it will pop in yours too!

-Damn, Machiko Soga, Bandora the witch/Japanese version of Rita Repulsa has been in various sentai shows. Watching random videos on the internet and I stumbled on some older stuff with her and some of her characters, uh... how can I tactfully say this without sounding creepy for getting hard to a dead grandma? 

-apparently, this is the teaser to the Beetlejuice sequel, aptly named Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.

Keaton still got it as The Juice... Hopefully WB and Burton also filmed the sequel Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, because I don't think we can wait 35 more years for it. 

- As I'm getting closer to the end of FF7 REBIRTH, I'm becoming more worried. The closer I get to the ending, the stronger the Kingdom Hearts Bullshit will become. I'm dreading that Aeris lives. I mean Zack is alive.

-CVS sold all 22 locations in Puerto Rico. That means some trees will be saved, becaise CVS used some damn long receipts... and I mean, they made Kmart receipts feel inadequately short. Guess I'll have to go to mom and pop pharmacies as a non-Walgreens alternative... which is problematic for night owls like myself. But seriously, Gamestop, Kmart, now CVS? Shit if Walmart leaves then I'll be shit out of luck for offline videogame shopping. The only good thing is that once again CVS stands for Capcom vs SNK...

- X-Men 97 was better than I expected. Sure the animation is a bit iffy, kind of looks like flash animation. Other than that, the show was really good. There seems to be a lift on the langauage, because Wolverine said damn. While I was watching the second episode dealing with the trial of Magneto, when the FOH showed up my brain said: "How long will it take for people saying that it was a jab at MAGA and not an old comic book storyline?" Those comparisons were being made long before I got to watch the show, which was 2 days after it premiered. So once again, I'm late to the party. Hopefully if X-Men 97 does good, we get a final season for Spider-Man the Animated Series.

-Cloud's swords attach to his back via a magnet.

That thing is supposedly OVER 100 lbs. In grams, the weight would be

A magnet that strong would have a rather large magnetic field, not to mention that Cloud's sword would become magnetized and should attract lots of loose ferrous metal near Cloud. Technically speaking Cloud's pauldron would constantly trying to get to his back. Not to mention being attracted to many surfaces within the world (mainly Mako Reactors, Shinra building and Junon, which have steel and iron EVERYFUCKINGWHERE). Alos, the world in which Cloud lives has tons of electronic devices. Cloud shouldn't be ANYWHERE NEAR Electronic devices, as his huge ass sword magnetic holder would wreak havoc to any electronic devices...

Cosmo Canyon and Nibelheim: Game wat are u doin?

 Game, you aren't supposed to hit me like that... Not gonna lie Cosmo Canyon is annoying as fuck... need to get the stupid towers for Chadley and the dumbass half baked chocobo mechanics... but on the other hand:

Yuffie is a better Prompto than Prompto.

All jokes aside, the trek to Cosmo Canyon is a load of bullshit with capital BULLSHIT. Now Once we reach Cosmo Canyon, everything is made better. We get padding, I mean Aerith stuffing her bra to look like Tifa levels of padding... but it's actually good padding. Gi Natak is no longer a Phoenix Down jobber. He's an actual boss now... and we get a shitton of lore at Cosmo Canyon...

Then there's Nibelheim. Sure, they changed a shitton here but the changes weren't bad... that is until we need to enter the Shinra manor and we have to control Mr. Kitty Sith and the annoying crate tossing mechanic... URRRRGH! Sadly, Cid lost his smokes and Is unplayable... just like Vicente Valentin... oh shit... I'm basically one Cat betrayal, one temple of the ancients until Aeris dies and I beat the game... huess that means I'll put away the PS5 until I can get another game... candidates are:

-Peter Parker goes Black

-David Hayter before getting queefed Sutherland.

-Goat Simulator 3...

Everyone knows that my choice is... 

Undust the Switch and play Peach's cosplay game!

Super7 2k3 Turtles: a rant

 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2k3 figures are supposed to be announced in April. (Not like that... I'm talking about the Month, not the redhead.) I have a few fears:

-I fear the cartoon's stylized look having a negative effect on the figures. I want to mix and match between Vintage inspired fogures, new creations and 2k3... in a matter how the Classicizer approach worked with MOTUC. I want to use, say the 2k3 Foot Soldiers as the Japanese branch of the Foot, which would match better with Karai.

-on the other hand I also fear Super7 going Playmates lazy... wouldn't be Super7's first time either. I mean look at their "Mirage TMNT ReAction" which are 87 toon ReAction TMNT in greyscale. If the 2K3 Turtles are the exact same tuetles we got with new belts and brown pads, then they're an easy skip.

-sleeveless Splinter... please don't fuck this up and give us a Splinter with a sleeved Kimono... in fact he needs two of them. One based on the earler 2k3 seasons and the other based on back to the sewers.

-Klunk NEEDS TO BE AN ACCESSORY FOR MICHELANGELO. DON'T SCREW US OUT OF AN OFFICIAL KLUNK! 

-relying on the Turtles themselves to see if 2k3 should move forward. The turtles are very likely to sell. So would Shredder, April, Splinter, Casey,  Foot Ninja. The real Gauge goes beyond the core folks.

Then there's the usual Super7 delays, hit or miss QC, etc. I honestly don't want this to fail, but I can't be too optimistic.

Super7 nickel and dime bullshit has reached a new level

 Bonus packs are bullshit... ESPECIALLY ON A SINGLE FIGURE WAVE, SUPER7!!

That's bogus! This could've been easily added to the normal release and call it a day. I Don't like Bonus packs, but they kinda make sense in waves WITH MULTIPLE FIGURES!! But on a single figure wave? That doesn't make sense, unless I can opt out of the bonus pack, then again, WHY WOULD I opt out of a full wave bonus pack when the wave is a single figure!?

Yeesh!

Snydertards love using Nepotism as an attack on James Gunn

 Well, Eli Snyder, son of Zack and Stepson of Deborah Snyder is directing a mini series "Until the Last One". Guess who are the producers: Daddy and Stepmom! Nepobaby powers Activate!!

Now, this is far worse than giving bit parts to relatives like Snydertards love to blame James Gunn of doing. Eli's entire career as an actor is literally working on Daddy's movies. Dropping a cringe bomb from his daddy here. Kid was around 11 when Daddy wanted to film scenes with a topless woman and his son. 

There's a reason Nicolas Coppola isn't Nicolas Coppola. It's precisely to reduce accusations of being a Nepobaby and standing on his own two feet. Eli was robbed of that. For what it's worth, he might be a competent director, even better than daddy... but he will forever be seen as Hack's son, brother of Autumn. He has no chance to stand on his own if he has to be on the shadow of his dead sister and his mediocre daddy.

In any case, I hope he can surpass his father as a director.

It came from the Toy Chest: I am an idiot for buying this.

Super7 is ripping me off with an overpriced glow in the dark figure... I got it through BBTS so, I had to pay a bit more on shipping. I'm talking about GITD Muckman and Joe Eyeball.

In the Neftyverse, they're a product of Nick flushing an used condom and his jizz entered contact with Muckman... Hee! Hee! That will be cumman's catchphrase. The Cumdumpster where Joe Eyeball's Jizz-made counterpart will be known as Joe-Mama.

I hate trying to photograph GITD.
This dude shines SUPER BRIGHT
But I can't find a way for the camera to
capture his brightness.

Articulation:

Since it's Muckman in a different color plastic, you'd expect his articulation to be similar. Be extra careful because GITD Plastic can be iffy with super7. Careful he might be floppy. Mine is on the left wrist and thigh.

4.5

They're twins!

Paint and Sculpt:

He's the same sculpt as the original, which I praised last time and will do so again. Due to his glow in the dark nature, he has less paint applications than the original figure. But the weird colorful pallette chosen for it is groovy. 

The price point is what ruins him.

4.5

Muckman: Who are you?
Cumman: Hee-Hee! I'm a sexier version of you!
Barbara: Nick, By any chance did you threw an used condom in the trash?
Nick: Yeah, why?
Cumman: Hee-Hee! I have two dads!

Accessories:

Here this figure fails... 2 hands and the bazooka. Sure, there's Joe-Mama, but it's not enough. I kinda wish we had gotten a barf plug in or a seeping torso slime plug.

3.0

Muckman: *throws up and shits himself*
Barbara: This is what Alicia meant when she said, you have to be careful with your seed*
*Horribly Explained in Rise of the MuTeens at the Fanfic Corner.
Nick: So I can truly say I have a Mutant sewer child. 
Barbara: Nick, you asshole!
Cumman: Yay Daddy and Stepmom!
Joe Eyeball: Dis is fucked up!
Joe-Mama: Yo Mama's fucked up!

Action feature:

This is not a category that I use often, but he has an action feature and it works. I tested it with a viscous fluid that glows under a black light... thickened Tonic water, you pervs... I'm not going to jerk off all over Cumman... Classic Glimmer would be a different story for 12 year old me. Pre smartphone pre internet era was rough... so back on topic. I tested it with my tonic water "ooze" and it works. Then again, I already knew this, due to the original having the same feature. 

4.5

Overall:

Cumman and Joe-Mama get a 4.13 as their final score. If I ignore the action feature, his score is a flat 4.0, which no matter how we look at it, the score is good, but it could be better... damn you Pedro Pascal!

Gongaga: where the OG's story goes to die again... a FFVII (Re)Birth by Sleep rant

I met a Swan from Turkey. Then everything went to shit. Nomura went full Kingdumb Farts here. Side mussions have boosted ny relationship level with Red XIII way too much. Yuffie is catching up way too hard... I need my date with la Senatrice Lockhart... Hell even kebab girl would be acceptable. I don't want no talking dog best friend... that's Barret's thing!

So, I met  Cissnei and she confused Blond Zack with real Zack. I was an asshole to kebab Girl after she spoke to Zack's parents. The game didn't let me tell then that I abandoned Zack's corpse after he made a Swiss Cheese impression in a meeting with ShinRa. So many problens would be solved if I could just tell them that. But for sadder news:

There is no Tankceratops... First they killed Mukki, then they fucked up Palmer, now TANKCERATOPS is non-existent. BUUUUUT we got our first glimpse at WEAPON... I laughed...

My brain when it saw Weapon... I know it's first appearance was at Corel, but it doesn't stop being funny...

But the fun went to shit because accompanying Begula Weapon were... THE WHISPERS with all their Kingdom Hearts Bullshit possible. Now I kust locate an airstrip in Gongaga to reach Cosmo Canyon... Palmer is MOST DEFINITELY NOT getting isekai'd by Truck-kun. All that's theoretically left is Cosmo Canyon, Nibelheim, Temple of the Ancients and making Kebabs... it's been a weird ride and I guess that around 2028-29 I might be playing the equivalent of Discs 2 and 3 on PS6.

Gold Saucer Blues: a Final Fantasy VII (Re)Birth by sleep rant

 We are going to the gold saucer! We are going we are going to the gold saucer! -Yuffie FF7 MACHINABRIDGED

Gold Saucer is ridiculous! We have a grandpa with more Muscles than a pillar man. 

Notice how Cait Sith has the powerto change people's clothes... and he wastes it on the underage character... pedoReeve confirmed.

Also, notice how Yuffie isn't hypersexualized, but Dio is more eyecandy than Italian Senator Tifa. Yuffie even faints as she sees Dio's Liefeldian package. 

He really needs to get that inguinal hernia checked...

I love Gold Saucer the park... I hate this chapter. They fucked up Dyne. There is no mystery as the game already spoils that the Gold saucer murderer is Dyne. In North Corel, they spoiled Barret's guilt via flashback... something that happened way later at Corel Prison. 

Then they made the Chocobo manager Ester (now Esther) who in OG FF7 looked like a 30-something trying to look younger into a 14-ish year old girl that sounds like Aerith and ALSO has a thing for Cloud. I actually didn't hate Chocobo Racing here, but still I'm derpived of weirdo beyond spinster crazy chocobo lady to a  weird crazy chocobo teenage girl who wants to jump on Cloud's Buster Sword... Also, I don't think I commented this, but they gave Chole a bit of an aging spell and a glow up. In the OG she looked like Marlene's age, now she looks like she may have gotten a pair of periods under her belt and is waiting for her parents to take her to church. Hell, even Choco Billy got an age up.

So, the whole Barret/Dyne thing was radically changed and the game gave Dyne a dramatic hero death... then we fight Palmer. Rebirth did Palmer Dirty...

Instead he fights in a toad Mecha that we fight normally and in a mini game... Also, Roided out grandpa fights Andrew Tate

Now unto Gongaga where I hope Cloud can fuck up and rub salt on Zack's parents'wounds... also TANKCERATOPS!!

You better be on the game... or else I will Rant!!

Remember Amogus? Well, it's gonna die soon

 Among us, the little indie game that became popular during COVID that now has toys and an upcoming animated series:

How the Hell do you make an animated series from this? I have no clue, but here we are.

Will Among Us join Fred and Annoying Orange as internet viral things that got fucked up by joining TV Networks? I smell a disaster in the making... 

Now for less disastrous news: Mattel is making MOTU Origins-esque Street Sharks... they're going to be about six to six and a half inches in height, so they might blend in with other six to seven inch toy lines. There is not much I can say but Street Sharks is coming back baby! Now, the big question is: has anyone told Vin Diesel about this?

Beastie Boys Ultimates: Sabotage

 If Super7 hadn't disabled PayPal's pay in 4 option, I'd be on these like Michelangelo on Pizza. I'll be honest here: I've listened to Beastie Boys throughout the years, but barely seen their music videos. I vaguely remember Intergalactic fro. My High School years,  but these figures have some appeal to me: Old School fictional Police detective vibes... They're perfect for certain Display dioramas. 

I mean look at them... They have the perfect old school fictional cops vibe... back when everything was grittier. If I get one, I'd need the other two, because it's technically a set.

This is almost making me want a Vampire Meat Loaf from I'll do anything sexual except getting pegged. Everyone else knows it as I'd do anything for love but I won't do that.

Shit, I'd be tempted if Super7 made a Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson... These are adult collectibles, so give us the weed, man! 

Oh no... My brain just bitchslapped me with an earworm:

Aw hell naw!

Super7 forced Playmates' hand

 Mattel might have influenced as well... Let's be honest here: This was more a Mattel thing than a Super7 thing, but Playmates WILL use it as a tool against Super7.

Playmates is doing Proto-Turtles and Vintage styled figures with Modern Articulation.

And FUCK! The Proto-Turtles are a Target exclusive! The "Remastered" Turtles are a Wal-Mart exclusive. The Articulation isn't THAT advanced. Seems to be exactly the same as their previous comic book turtles... but new vintage styled sculpting. This is an obvious move by Playmates to copy Mattel's Oranges line.

It can also be used as a move to cockblock Super7 from the vintage characters in Ultimates... thank goodness there's "other media" like Shredder's Revenge for them to pull off some vintage folks. 

Here's my prediction: The Turtles will look great... despite the limited articulation. Where they WILL drop the ball is when they reach Splinter, Shredder, Foot Soldier, April, Bebop, and Rocksteady. If you noticed I only mentioned the 1988 wave... because that's all we'll get until Playmates cries that it's too much effort.

Fuck piano, fuck Queen's Blood, and fuck Fort Condor!

 I know I'm not the only one. This is the part where I bitch and moan about the mini games. I just finished Costa Del Sol. I had no issues with Bestiality Friendly Rocket League Knock-off... or the Frog Game. Even the Moogle minigame isn't that horrible... the Moogles though, nightmare fuel...

Buuut Fuck Piano. 

This is what my brain pictured when I was forced to play piano as Tifa at Costa del Sol. The lady is playing the role of Tifa and the cockroach is playing the role of piano. 

While musically inclined people can do this, I'm wanting to stick my fist up Whoever thought of this mini game's ass SHOULDER DEEP!! Did I mention I hate the piano Minigame? Because I FUCKING HATE the Piano mini game.

It's time to D-d-d-d-duel! Wrong franchise!

Queen's Blood, not to be confused with Queen's Blade...(Q.Blood has no anime and action figure titties. Q.Blade does.) is Team No-No's answer to Triple Triad. Now here's the shocking part: I don't HATE the game itself. I just hate how shoehorned into the story it is.

They fucked up the cargo ship just to have Cloud play Yu-Gi-Oh!

I kinda get why action sequences like Crazy Motorcycle Chase, Chocobo Racing (I'm probably going to hate this one based on the small track test at OG Chocobo Ranch), are part of the game... they spice up a turn-based JRPG... but forcing Piano that is harder than an actual piano, a Trading Card Game Tournament where you HAVE to beat 6 opponents in order to progress the story is a Giant Pile of Shit...

Exactly, Goldblum...

I fondly remember the REAL Fort Condor game... and how incredibly easy to cheese it was.

But I fucking hate this new Fort Condor... two words: Time Limit. Been stuck on the third Fort Condor "mandated" mission because of the stupid ass time limit.

Fort Condor did not need a stupid ass time limit! 

Other than that FFVII: (RE)BIRTH By sleep hasn't been that bad... but seriously, fuck that Piano minigame...

Also, Ive noticed some FFVII Machinabridged references in Rebirth... Barret hanging out and interacting a lot with Red XIII, various people asking Cloud to do them a solid, Yuffie singing the Victory theme, and getting hired to assassinate Rufus at Junon. 

The Return of Thunderhead was GLORIOUS... it reminded me of the potential of the Remake series if they weren't hellbent on Kingdom Heartsizing the shit out of it.

I hate to say it, but Rebirth has been far more enjoyable than I anticipated... even Chadley and MAI. I hope the game doesn't disappoint me and gives me a Yuffie meeting with Yuffie from Wish (Kyrie)... or at least Kyrie getting kidnapped by Don Cornholio. In any case...

I'm worried about part 3... 

It came from the Toy Chest: Ew... the accessory pack

 Remember the 1:12 foodstuff? I ruined the beer mug...  well... now I have "green blood effects" Let's see how they fare. I got them for the "DOOM" styled crate... and to see if they work for Muckman.

I won't go through all of them since they need clear mounting putty that I don't have.

Here's the stuff.

You will need some sort of clear adhesive putty to use some of these effects... also you need the weapons from the Casket of cruelty to use with these.

And that's how Rat King will get a crossbow.

Unlike the food, these are a bitch to use on their own.

Scumbug: why did you shoot me in the dick?
Nick: Mata la Cucaracha, ASAH!

You can probably see the white mounting putty for the shooting Scumbug in the dick pic.

Sorry Mr.Simmons... BTW whatever happened to your necrocounter?

Two of the effects CAN clip on blades, sadly, I still need to use adhesive for them to stay on non intended weapons.

Barbara: Put'em up, Nick!
Nick: If we're gonna box, I'd rather do it in Knockout Kings 2002...
Barbara: Let me guess which boxer you'll use... Trinidad.
Nick:Nonono. FRRRRRRRRRROM CUPEY ALTO PUERRRRRRTO RRRRRRICOOOO EL GRRRRRRANNNN CAMPEONNNN PUERRRRRTO RRRRRIQUEÑOOOOO FELIX TITOOOOOO TRRRRRRINIDAAAAAD!
Barbara: Bitch, I'm choosing Ali, greatest of all time!
Nick: Fuck you, Babs...
Barbara: Well then, strip and we can get started.
Alicia VO: GET A ROOM YOU TWO!

It's not a bad set, but it's inferior to the casket set. I know I'll get the casket, but I'm eyeing other items from them at the moment.

Barbara: Nick do you like my green clad box?
Nick VO: Are we talking about the Futuristic Crate or the other box?
Barbara: Yes.
Alicia VO: Cow, stop it! I'm trying to study for a test! Niiiiiiick! Go do your MuTeen smut someplace else, I'm studying and your sex noises will be distracting!

I'll get some twine and make the boxing gloves background decoration as well as the crate. The effects might be used sparingly... Super7 and NECA should make their official ooze effects for their muckmen.

Thabk goodness for my PS5, because my other potential B-day present canceled.

 And the bad news were delivered on a Tuesday... OF COUSRE!! Actors passong on cons happens all the time, but dishonor on Ming Na, dishonor on her cow and all that. 

Puerto Rico Comic Con's Facebook page announced that Ming Na Wen, Best Live Action Chun Li so far, and Best Mulan period, won't be coming to PRCC due to "scheduling conflicts". It happens, but it sucks when ot does to Actors that I want to meet and have a pic taken. But whatever... Guess I'll be drowning my sorrows in FFVII (Re)Birth: by sleep then.

For me, the day Ming Na canceled her appearance at PRCC was devastating, but for her it was Tuesday...

So, fuck it... also, here's proof that I'm not joking...

Nick: It's like a Zack Snyder film. Nice visuals meh story.
Nefty VO: Nick, you asshole!

About FFVII: (Re)Birth by Sleep... I'm not lying about Ming Na Wen either,  but my pone bungled that screenshot.

If FFVII Rebirth had any more filler...

 We'd be trying to get back Sasuke Uchiha to the Leaf Village.  Ine hours in and NOW I think I'm ready for the Midgarsormr, who unlike the Midgar Zolom is an obligatory boss battle.

9 hours = Nibelheim flashback, Kalm, Chocobo farm. OG game, Less than two hours. Now here's the weird part... the filler isn't THAT bad. Sure it's not "original" missions are mostly go from a to b to kill a monster and return. Random mini game with clumsy mechanics. The interesting part comes from expanded lore and areas. I have to admit, Kalm was an amazing experience and finding these places like the windmill settlement, Oliver's farm and even Chocobo Bill's farm.

But at the same time foraging, hunting random fiends feels very XV-like...

I killed the Midgarsormr... first try too! Unlike OG Midgar Zolom who violently raped me way too many times.  I hate how they handled the Sephiroth killing the Zolom here. 

The start of the game was the only part with a little bit of Kingdom Hearts bullshit, but aside making me cry like an idiot, it was enjoyable. The rest of the game so far, has been 98% Kingdom Hearts bullshit free. An improvement over The Whispers from remake. I just know that Team No-No will fuck up. Probably around the Infiltrating Upper Junon area.

With all that said, I'm enjoying the game. But I don't know if this is real enjoyment or if it's manipulation because I love Final Fantasy VII...

Rebirth deprived us of this...

I got me an early B-Day Present

 I'm crying... I beated the crap out of Emerald and Ruby WEAPONs and I didn't let the one winged angel to cast Supernova... Hell, I barely let his choir sing Estuans Interius Ira Vemehenti Estuans Interius Ira Vemehenti Sephiroth!! I beat the game and started crying... had flashbacks to the first time I beat the game and my thoughts gravitated to my Mom and you can guess why I'm crying. I spent most of Mario Day debating whether I should wait until my Birthday and get a PS5 to play FFVII Rebirth or... I was already parking my car at Wal-Mart to get said PS5.

Now I wait... I KNOW Nomura and Nojima fucked this up, but Since I started Remake...

She saw how happy I was about FFVII being remade. It's no Snake Mountain, but I did get her to beat the game herself... with GameShark, to reduce the grinding experience and streamline the game a bit.

Let's see how this goes in 1 hour and 52 minutes

It's Mar10... guess it's the perfect day to suggest Super7 Ultimates! SUPER MARIO BROS.

 The Movie... no, not the Chris Pratt one... the Leguizamo one...

OK... I would only want Mario, Luigi, the Princess and Koopa. But let's be honest here, if I could get a Live Action Mario, Bob Hoskins isn't the first option.

Of course, I'll pick Captain Lou Albano over Bob Hoskins. 

But speaking of Bob Hoskins... Hook... I just want a Tinkerbell Julia Roberts Action Figure. Then a Peter Pan and a Peter Banning...

Yes, i want a $55 figure of Robin Williams that looks like this... No Ulterior Motives whatsoever....

Obviously, Captain Hook and Smee are needed... but there is one character that I'm forgetting. You already know who I'm speaking of. In fact, you are already chanting his name...

Spike! I was expecting an American Dragon: Jake Long reference...

I'll accept that...

No, brain... what are you thinking? No...

OK I want Ultimates of Nostalgia Critic and Angry Videogame Nerd...