Advent Calendar 24: Go Jesus, It's your birthday's eve!

 

Jesus Tittyfucking Christ! Forgot I'm reviewing Jesus himself... Yeah... Trigger warning: 

This review could be seen as offensive or even blasphemous. If you feel offended by irreverent views of Jesus H. Christ, you should NOT read this review.

Jesus: Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them.
 For it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.
Karen: Mr. Jesus, you need to leave now.
Mr. Nefty is an evil man and he will mock you!
Kaylee: He threatened to bring Hal Jordan to my review!
Jesus: Wait, Hal Jordan, as in Green Lantern?
 That's not so... wait that's the kiddie diddler lantern. I need to go Belmont on this Nefty.

Now, before I start: I understand that it's a sensitive topic surrounding the figure... there are over 45K sects that claim He's Divine. I've mocked gods from other religions, so, an irreverent review of the Christian Demigod or  ⅓ of Carrie Ann Moss is fair game. 

Jesus: Abandon all hope, ye who hit the jump.

Le gasp! GRRM Remembered he has books to finish!

 Half a year's left for the tenth anniversary of the night I became an orphan and George Raymond Richard Martin remembered he has books to write. While this is a nothingburger, it's amazing that he actually remembered the books. But he's been almost done with the 6th book for some time and hasn't finished it yet. Mom was ALIVE when he was writing the 6th. This bullshit has gone for way too long.

The question is: Do I even care to read the sixth book then either GRRM or I die before the 7th?

Were you watching Goblet of Fire, Haley Joel!!!? Nefty asked calmly.

 As you can probably guess by the title of this rant, somebody died. The reason is that I'm referring to the most popular Osment. But the Dumbledore asked calmly reference is more worrisome.

82 year old Michael Gambon died peacefully at a hospital due to a bout with pneumonia. My condolences to friends and family. I have to be truthful and admit, that the MAIN reason I know of Gambon is Dumbledore. Professor Dean Zayas did mention him a couple of times alongside Laurence Olivier and other famous stage actors that moved to film.  May he rest in peace. Wait, he was General Zevo in Toys... now that's a movie I haven't seen in ages. I remember the shitty SNES game that my stepsister had.

George R.R Martin has a Winds of Winter update

 He's been writing almost every day and has done some progress... not as fast as he'd like and much less as fast as WE'D like, but he's finally writing... something good had to come out of the strike... I mean it's been over 12 years since A Dance with Dragons was published. Almost 27 years since A Game of Thrones was published.

In 15 years he was able to publish 5 books of ASOIAF, but he's taking almost the same amount of time to pu lish the 6th book. It's not that we're afraid that you'll die, George, but you're 74, that's not the age of a child of spring... you're in late autmn, George and as Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell used to say:

Winter is indeed coming, George... it comes for us all and you're closer to it than us. We don't want to have HBO's rushed ending as the official end to your saga.

Write George, write as if your life depended on it!

Some potential actuon figure thoughts regarding TMNT vs SF

 Since so far we have Issue 1, this may be a bit premature. But I'm trying to strike while the iron is hot! Weekend suspect that we are going to see mutated versions of Street Fighter characters on later issues, just like we did with some of Gotham's criminals in the Batman and TMNT crossover movie adaptation... because you KNOW we NEED the SFII Roster turned into Animals and other things EVEN IF THE COMIC DOESN'T. But let me make a list of characters and then discuss it a bit more.

Beargief ( Bear Zangief)

Whale Honda (Whale E Honda)

Eaguile (eagle Guile)

Jimmy the Wildboy (a reverse mutation for Blanka)

Chun Nix (Chinese Phoenix Chun Li)

Ryu (Japanese Dragon Ryu)

Baldog (Bulldog and Balrog)

Tigat (Tiger Sagat)

Vemenco (a Spiky flamingo Vega)

Inuken (a Shiba Inu Ken)

Phantsim (skinny elephant Dhalsim)

M. Bison (the M. Stands for Mutated and Bison is a Bison alternate Bison Skull head for "full psycho power mode")

Now if we want to go Super Turbo,  you're welcome!

Killer Bee (Bee and Cammy)

Fei Long (Chinese Dragon Fei Long)

Thunder Hawk (T. Hawk hawk)

Mant Jay (Dee Jay Praying Mantis)

Akumainu (Akuma Japanese Lion dog)

No for the explanations. Most of them are rather obvious, but the odd choices I shall explain a bit more. I mean I will explain them all, but the odd choices will need a little bit more explanation on why I went that way instead of going out different direction. I might even mention some of the direction site had planned but didn't go there.

Beargief: this one is rather obvious. He wrestles Bears ALL the time. So it would make sense to have a big bear-like Zangief. 

Whale Honda: No, it's NOT because of his weight...but Japan has a huge tradition with Whales, who are considered a gift from Ebisu.

Eaguile: American Bald Eagle was the most obvious choice for Guile

Jimmy the Wildboy: Retromutagen Ooze tends to unlock the nature of the being mutated by it or something that may have a significance on the being mutated by it. In Blanka's case, it Reveals His true nature, which is Jimmy. He just looks normal... thing Bruce Banner with Blanka's hairstyle but more slicked back and less wild. He can still channel electricity but looks normal and kinda handsome.

Chun Nix: taking the Chinese Phoenix, fenghuang. It already has the Crane legs, so I don't have to go full crane on her and save the crane for Gen. Also, while I'm not a fan of this ship, Phoenix and Dragon... made sense visually.

Ryu being a dragon... it's literally he's freaking name. Of course he's an electric Dragon because of thr Denjin Hadoken.

Baldog: I was stumped here for a while. My mind went straight to gorilla because, hear me out before you take out the pitchforks and torches. My mind went straight to gorilla because he's a boxer and gorillas have a big strong arms that could look badass boxing. I understand how horribly racist would look if you make the black guy a gorilla. Instead I chose a bulldog because I could kind of play with the name. Also I thought it would be hilarious to have Balrog be an American Bulldog while Dudley is a British bulldog.

Tigat: yes Sagat is a tiger. He has made his life about two things tigers and defeating Ryu. Also a little dark motivation for having him be a tiger. Custom Vintage inspired Tiger Claw. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Vemenco: Flamingo vega was a pain in the ass. I wanted to make him a bull first, due to his Bullfighter nature, but Bulls are too big for his small frame. I could've gpne for a Snake, but Snakes work with constricting or venom, two things Vega doesn't do. Then I had an idea in the throne room of all places: Flamingo.

First, Flamingos think they're hot, but are kinda ugly. Perfect Spirit Animal for Vega. A group of flamingos is called flamboyance and Vega has a ton of flamboyance. The brighter the Flamingo, the more violent it becomes in captivity... Vega fights in a cage. His stage has Flamenco dancers... want to know the Spanish word for Flamingo? Flamenco... 

Did I mention he'd be a deranged flamingo?

Inuken: I originally wanted Ken to be a Western Dragon with Mighty Wings made of fire, but it didn't click. I could've used a Firebird, but I felt like there were too many birds. Since Ryu is a dragon, I wanted something different for Ken. I had Akuma look like a Lion dog, due to his SFV look. Lion dogs look a bit dragonesque, so I made Ken a dog. Since Ken is half Japanese, Shiba Inu was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Phantsim: Ganesha was the first thing that popped to mind.

Dhalsim has elephants in his stage. The portrait of ganesha slapped me in the face... so basically, take Dhalsim and give him Elephant feet for both hands and feet. For some poses Dhalsom can yoga stretch fingers. Give him a more Elephantine face with a trunk that reaches about his nipples in length.

M. Bison: OF COURSE! Bison had to be a Bison.

I originally wanted to make him a Slash-like creature, but making a Turtle out of the guy named BISON made no sense, so...

We got M(utated) Bison! The second head being a skull is a not so subtle nod to his Shadaloo insignia. Of course I would have added purple cycle power flames in a manner similar to Ghost Rider and the Flames finding out like Wings around his horns.

Now the Super Turbo folks:

Killer Bee: Cammy's codename as as Shadaloo Doll, makes sense. Her pigtails are her antennae. She should have a bit of a Q-Bee vibe, but Cammy Styled.

Fei Long: The Chinese Dragon, while similar to the Japanese Dragon has differences in horns, toes, facial hair same principle applies to Fei Long.

Thunderhawk:

This is rather simple, it's just a big ass Hawk dressed like Thunderhawk. It's self-explanatory.

Mant Jay is a Praying Mantis Dee Jay. The reason is a nod to an earlier Dee Jay concept where his pants were meabt to say Mantis, but due to sprite flipping it wouldn't have worked,  therefore Mantis Became Maximum.

Akumainu is a Komainu Akuma, I already referenced SFV's look being the inspiration, since he looks like a lion... Akuma Matata and all that.

Oh no... I'm still feeling inspired and I want to do full accessory list for them.

Beargief:

Heads: Neutral, roaring

Hands: c-grips, fists, pointing, green fists

Misc: Soft goods Red cyclone cape, small clear stand for Beargief to sit for dancing poses with Gorbachev... but without Gorbachev.

Whale Honda:

Heads: Neutral, Laughing

Hands: c-grips, slap hands, fists, dramatic hands

Misc: Hundred hand slap effect, chankonabe bowl

Eaguile:

One head Articulated beak

Hands: C-grips, fists, slap hands, dramatic hands

Misc: sonic boom with clear stand, pre sonic boom clip on effects for fists. MRE pizza made from sad.

Jimmy:

Heads: Neutral, Angry, Happy

Hands: c-grips, fists, dramatic, watermelon slice hilding

Misc: clip on electricity effects, whole watermelon, watermelon slice.

Chun nix:

Heads: Neutral, winking

Hands: c-grips, fists, slap, dramatic, V-pose

Misc: kikoken with clear stand, lightning leg effect (reuses the kikoken stand)

Ryu:

Heads: neutral, Angry head with red and purple eyes, closed eyes

Hands: c-grips, fists, hadoken, dramatic 

Misc: clear stand, Hadoken, Shakunetsu Hadoken, Metsu Hadoken, satsui no hado clip on effect for arms.

Baldog:

Heads: neutral, barking, happy

Gloved Fists, open glove, c-grip glove,

Misc:

Oversized Bone that fits inside the barking mouth, bag of money (reuse Scratch's), half bitten turkey leg, shades, bling

Tigat:

Heads: neutral, roaring

Hands: c-grips, fists, dramatic

Misc: soft goods poncho thing from SFV. Tall and short clear stands, tigershot effect

Vemenco:

Heads: Masked, broken mask like redeco Casey, unmasked with open beak.

Deranged Flamingo Vega...

Hands: c-grips, fists, dramatic

Misc: Removable right forearm claw "armor piece" in pristine condition, removable right forearm claw "armor piece"  in mangled condition, rose, flamingo Vega Mask that can be held in a Dramatic hand.

Inuken:

Heads: SFII Ken, SFA Ken, SFV Ken

Hands: c-grips fists, Hadoken, V-pose

Misc: clear stand, Hadoken, flame Shoryuken effect.

Phantsim:

Heads: neutral, Yoga Fire, Happy

Hands: C-grips, dramatic, fists

Misc: swappable stretched arms (like Silverhawks) clear stand, yoga fire and yoga flame effects.

M.Bison:

Heads: Normal, Psycho powered Skull

Hands: c-grips, fists, dramatic, purple psycho powered fists and dramatic hands

Misc: removable hat, soft goods cape, pristine purple psycho power ooze canister, broken purple psycho power Ooze cannister.

Killer Bee:

Heads: Normal, Winking, Purple Eyed Doll Mode head

Hands: dramatic, C-grips, fists, gun grips

Misc: knives and guns from Cannon Spike (inspired by the SOTA figure based on the Dreamcast game)

Fei Long:

Heads: Neutral, roaring

Hands: c-grips, fists, dramatic, slap

Misc: nunchaku with real chain, nunchaku with sculpted chain, flaming kick effect

Mant Jay:

Heads: Neutral, happy

Hands: C-grips, Dramatic, fists

Misc: maracas, Max out effect with clear stand, sunglasses, machinegun fist effect.

Akumainu:

Heads: Neutral, angry with Satsui No Hado flowing from his eyes

Hands: c-grips, hadoken, fists, dramatic

Misc: clear stand with gohadoken (reuse Ryu's metsu hadoken), Zanku Hadoken (normal hadoken, but the hole for the stand is in a 45° angle instead of the normal 90°. Satsui no Hadou energy effect for arms, 2 sets of prayer beads (SSFIIT necklace styled and SFV over the entire torso styled)

NOW I AM DONE! This has a 99.99999999999999999997% chance of NOT happening, but in a weird way it would be cool... now if we could get a TMNT fighting game...

TMNT vs SF is a thing and...

 It seems to be recycling the plot of GI Joe vs Street Fighter. Here Bison teams up with Stockman in order to produce stronger warriors. (I'm betting that the Ooze will be involved.) Also, Bison has a massive Hard-On for Raphael.

Won't spoil the reasons why Bison has it hard for Raph, but if you know Bison, you can guess the Reason. The issue isn't THAT bad. We get a fight between Raphael and Guile and a  fight between Chun Li and Michelangelo. Also it seems I may be an unintended Ghostwriter, since Michelangelo kinda behaves like the Neftyverse Mikey and wants to play Owen Wilson with Chun Li.

I'm not a fan of the art, to be honest. Now the dynamic between Mikey and Chun Li feels weird for an official comic. For a toy review from an asshole with a blog, maybe it could work, but I shouldn't have official Street Fighter Material where Chun Li is OK with Michelangelo hitting on her! Issue 2 will have Leonardo vs Ryu... Shame that the IDW continuity means that Stockman is the Big Bad and not someone else... or you know... the big bads from 1987. Hopefully it won't suck 

George RR Martin has gone the way of porn game makers

 What do I mean with that? Well, usually porn game makers give some estimated release dates and then the date comes and no release. They make up excuses and keep stalling while raking Patreon money... then they make up excuses while not giving any tentative release date. George RR Martin has reached that point now. Now the comparison stems from the character ages in the books. Khal Drogo was 30 when he popped Daenerys Targaryen's 13 year old cherry. Has scenes of familial love... I'm talking Incest and has a thing to put extremely young nubile teens in dangerous situations where they can be raped or killed. Then there are the food and gore fetishes he has...

My Mom was ALIVE, when Georgie Slow ass Molasses RR Martin announced The Winds of Winter over 10 years ago... Still waiting... but it's funny the excuses he's using now. Blaming his customer base for being angry at HIS IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR! He finds it Grisly that people are worried that he MAY DIE BEFORE FINISHING THE 2 REMAINING BOOKS! Well, there is a solution for that: FINISH THE GODDAMNED BOOKS and people won't worry about you dying. You are 73 and obese... as an obese person myself, I'm well aware of the lower life expectancy that we have due to our weight, so I understand why people react that way. Even I have fallen into the same trap as well. But even if you weren't obese, you're in your 70s. That also lowers your life expectancy. No matter how we slice it, the odds aren't in your favor. This isn't a 2 or a 15 month delay...  the first tease of Winds of Winter was released in the early 2010s. We're in the early 2020sand still no book. The TV adaptation came, had to improvise the final 3 seasons, the series ended, and has been mostly forgotten, aside the final season being a clusterfuck of failure.

The TV show has pretty much killed most of the good will audiences had towards this story. The fact that THEY STILL WORRY ABOUT YOU DYING BEFORE THE BOOKS ARE OVER, is in a weird way, showing that the audience STILL RESPECT YOUR VISION, GRRM!! They don't want another making up bullshit endings like the TV show people did. The fact that you keep getting into "distractions" and "excuses" to not finish the last two books SCARES your loyal audience. At least they haven't turned on you like it happened to J.K. Rowling.

Odds and ends Super Murica day Turbo EX plus 1: Twitter stupidity and other stuff.

 Street Fighter 6 MIGHT have a create a character... I know the odds and ends promised Twitter stupidity, but the date format is obviously a Street Fighter reference. So SF6 MIGHT have a create a character feature for the World Tour Mode... which was said to be somewhat similar to Shenmue... I have a confused boner right now... I love Street Fighter, I love Shenmue, but I don't know if they're a Peanut Butter and Chocolate combo... if Create a Character is real, I'd like to know how extensive it is. Will it be restricted to World Tour, or will we be able to use our CAFs in other modes like in SoulCalibur5? The people want to know.

Sometimes, I just hate Twitter. Especially, when so-called social justice minded folks say stupid things like this:

What in the actual fuck?

If you're writing in English and use non-commonly known terms from other languages, it's common courtesy to have a footnote, explanation, or translation of said terms for one simple reason. An author is trying to tell a story, convey a message. If an author PURPOSELY obfuscates the message by hiding it in another language and not delivering the information, that person is a cabeza de chorlito, which literally means golden plover head, or bird-brained.

If you do this, you can't complain about (white) people not being able to understand or empathize with BIPOC authors, if said authors are making their story unreachable to groups outside their own. It's not about "entitlement" it's about conveying the message clearly, so it can be fully understood by the audience. 

George R R Martin is still not writing The Wonds of Winter and he is butthurt about fans.

 Remember George R R Martin, author of A Song of Ice and Fire series that started in the mid 90s and got an HBO adaptation whose last 3 seasons were a shit show because the books weren't finished and the Showrunners had to make shit up to reach an ending? Well he's complained recently about "vicious fans" who write mean stuff like "where's the book" on GRRM's blog posts on how he's doing lots of shit not related to finishing The Winds of Winter, which was getting the final touches back when Mom was alive. So yeah, I've no sympathy for George Slowass RR Martin. 

Yes, back in the pre-internet era, one had to sit down, write a letter, pay for postage and send it. Then the letter would reach the publisher and it would sit on a pile until they reach the author. This excessive hassle was removed with the internet. So, if I wanted to say: For God's sake GEORGIE SLOW AS MOLASSES RR SIT YOUR FAT ASS AT YOUR DESK AND FINISH THE GODDAMNED BOOKS BEFORE YOU DIE FROM A HEART ATTACK MARTIN, I could do so without the filter from having to write a physical letter and send it. The instant nature of the internet has removed some filters that the old school methods of communication had. 

The letter version would not be as succint as the "vicious internet message" but it could be quite as vicious:

Dear George RR Martin:

Based on your recent publications, it appears that work on the Winds of Winter is not being done. The lack on progress on this tome is alarming, due to painfully obvious reasons, but I shall point them out to avoid any obtuse replies.

You are no longer a child of Spring George, Winter is coming and you're in Autumn. Not to mention your massive corpulence, which could potentially overwork your heart. Instead of spending time doing tours,  fundraisers, or other excuses that keep your Twiceman behind away from your desk.

Write, George, write the goddamned books!

Sincerely,

Disgruntled fan #8675309

The Third Jurassic World movie is coming

 The trailer has dropped and I don't know if Michael Chrichton is spinning in his grave or not.

I had chills watching this. Some were good, pthers were bad. All I know is that this is the "end" for the bastardization of Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. Yes, I enjoyed Jurassic Park, and the First Jurassic World. I was OK with the Lost World and Fallen Kingdom until the third act of both movies. Then they both went to shit. Let's not talk about JP3 unless we're making fun of

Well, looks like Douglas Walker did it for us.

Honestly, I wish that we could get a Jurassic Park series 100% faithful to the book... and for Mattel to complete the last four remaining characters from the first JP movie in their 6 inch line. (Gennaro, Wu, and the kids) it's a shame Mom isn't here to see this.

It came from the Toy Chest: Dr. Alan Grant

 

This MIGHT BE the final Amber Collection figure and it's depressing... I knew we weren't going to get Gerry Harding... The Veterinarian who was checking the sick Triceratops... also, father of Sarah Harding... Julianne Moore in The Lost World... who we aren't getting either. Don't get me started on Jurassic Park 3 stuff...

I need to get a JP1 Raptor and a JP3 Alan Raptor... but let's get back to Dr. Grant... you thought I was going to say Alan!!didn't you?

Muldoon: We should kill them all...
Hammond: The guests?
Muldoon: No, the Raptors...
Sattler:Wait Raptors as in Veloci?
Muldoon: Yeah, those sumbitches are crafty.
Grant: Holy Mother of God...
Hammond: Technically, Daughters of bitches,  Robert...
Malcolm: *Goldblum mating noises*
Muldoon: Can someone tell Brundlewank to stop yanking it. These Velociraptors are super horny!
Grant: Liar! Velociraptors have no horns!
Sattler: Who dropped yogurt on my legs...
Malcolm: *Horny Goldblum noises*

Doctor Alan Grant is a Paleontologist who is hired by John Hammond to get an endorsement for Jurassic Park. Alan Grant (in the movies) hates children. In the novel, he likes them... in this toyline, well Mattel screwed us over and gave us no kids... they also screwed over Martin Ferrero, but that's a different story. NES??? Well, Let's say that Dr. Grant is more like The Doomguy on an Easter Egg hunt while blowing up Dinosaurs left and right.

Everyone and their mother praise the OG Genesis game, but MY JP experience is with the NES version.

A 70s movie inspired poster with a tribute to the NES game hidden in plain sight.

Articulation

We have seen the male body in action. Grant offers no real difference in articulation in comparison to Malcolm or Muldoon. Diverticulitis and he has it works for most of the Dr. Grant themed displays. Sadly most of them require a Lex and a Tim which we do not have. 

4.5

Grant: Say Alan! one more time... I frigging dare you!
Valerie: Wait is that grandpa Clyde's tiny claw?
Susan: Holy crap! It is!!

Paint and sculpt 

He doesn't look like Sam Neil circa 1990. He looks like a 1989 concept of a  40+ year old Michael J Fox. Other than that the figure looks pretty good. There are no issues with the paint on my figure luckily. 

4.5

Sattler: Look at me! I'm on a motherfucking dinosaur!!
Malcolm: Why, uh, why am I not uh, allowed to ride, Rode Sattler, with uh, Sattler?
Grant: YOU KNOW WHY! DON'T MAKE ME FEED YOUR DICK TO THE RAPTORS
Sattler: Suck it, Crisp Rat!!

Accessories

Extra head sans hat

Removable glasses

Flare (same as Malcolm)

Extra gripping hand

Fossilized Velociraptor Claw grip hand.

He has plenty of accessories, but Muldoon spoiled me with the idea of a removable hat.

I mean, I can use his glasses as a prop but not his head which was a much more important accessory to the character.

5.0

Overall

Doctor Grant gets a 4.67 as his final score. The articulation and likeness issues are what kept the figure from scoring higher. It's a shame that Mattel cut the line short before completing at least the core roster from the original movie.

Mattel killed the line, Deal with it!!

It came from the Toy Chest: SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER!!

 

Big ass reference to Jurassic Park's opening scene...

My original plan was to save this review and the upcoming Alan Grant review for the Advent calendar. Sadly, the news of Amber Collection being dead, pushed the reviews a lot sooner. I was hoping that Mattel would have released a Donald Gennaro figure so I could have made a recreation of the T-Rex scene in the night thing. Malcolm with the flare, T-Rex eating Gennaro... Well, that ain't happening now.

This clip also has the cattle prod that they gave to the action figure, because guns are bad, mmkay?

Cattle prod or SPAS-12 Shotgun?
Which do you prefer?
My choice is SPAS-12 all the way.

Robert Muldoon was the game warden of Jurassic Park. He often butted heads with Hammond on the topic of Velociraptors. In the movie universe he dies... like Gennari. In the book he lives, like Gennaro. Malcolm and Hammond died in the book, but survived in the movie... Malcolm's survival forced the book to be retconned. Getting off topic, let's talk Muldoon:

Articulation

Muldoon sports the standard JP Amber Collection articulation. Due to his clothing is articulation is very similar to talk to Sattler... but in a male body, of course. Unlike my Sattler figure, Muldoon has full range waist articulation. He has slightly better ankle articulation since they made the boots in two parts, but I believe the better articulation was accidental.

4.5

Muldoon: What in the hell is she doing?
Susan: That's Valerie, she's a nympho and is often getting herself off...
Muldoon: Clever girl...
Susan: Damn straight!

Paint and sculpt

Muldoon looks nothing like Bob Peck. The figure kind of looks like a crossover between Christopher Eccleston and Pee-wee Herman. Paintwise he fares pretty well except on the eyes. The "clever girl head" has a slight case of derp eye... but the issue is that the tampos for the eyes look off.

4.0

Muldoon: What are you doing?
Susan: What does it look like?
Muldoon:Like you're raping me and the other velociraptor...
Valerie: *ahem!*
Muldoon: Valerie the Velociraptor gets to watch...
Valerie: That's  be... waitaminute! What does it mean that I get to watch!? SUSAN!! This wasn't part of the deal!
Susan: Shut up, Valerie!
Nefty: there once was a site full of JP erotic fanfics with dinosaurs having sex with humans. The site is long gone now.

Accessories

Extra Clever Girl head

Extra hands

Cattle prod

Removable hat

The removable hat makes me wish that Hammond and Grant had removable hats.

The lack of SPAS-12 Shotgun is a huge disappointment... luckily I found a French Ebay seller that had SPAS-12 SHOTGUN in 1:12 scale, PERFECT for Jurassic Park figures.

4.5 

Part Chris Eccleston part Pee-wee Herman...

Overall

Muldoon gets a 4.33 as his final score. His score would have been a little bit higher had he had gotten his SPAS-12 Shotgun. I kinda understand why they didn't... I mean it's not as horrible as McFarlane giving Jason Todd Gun Fingers, but it kinda sucks that I had to spend more money on French Third party items... it's not a slight against France as a country, my issue is that I had to pay for more shipping since the item came from the old world to the new world.

Anne Rice was seen by a Haley Joel Osment

 Just found out that author Anne Rice, has passed away. She's known for the very homosexual movie starring Tom Cruise... and Brad Pitt. Allegedly Cruise demanded the gay undertones to be eliminated. David Geffen, one of the producers denies these allegations. 

But despite all the drama, Interview with a Vampire was Kirsten Dunst's BEST film in her entire filmography.

It also gave us that god-awful movie sequel Queen of the Damned, which butchered BOTH the Vampire Lestat, and Queen of the Damned.

Fun fact: one of the last birthday presents I got from Mom before she was seen by Mr. Haley Joel Osment was a book that contained Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, and Queen of the Damned... 

I guess we shall see the return of Vampire Chronicles fan fiction now that Rice is dead...

According to Cuck Taco Anne Rice got her lawyers to SUE FANFIC WRITERS that used jer characters. Holy asscrackers... it's for things like these where I have to use immature humor and extreme 4th wall breaking in order to make it obvious that my toy reviews are parodies simulating play by an asocial adolescent. 

A bad adaptation doesn't mean a bad end product.

 I'm going to nip this in the bud, because I know thar idiots will try to use my disappointment in the new direction of "HE-MAN" as an excuse to launch their bigoted remarks. Some people got mad at me for saying that "It'S fOr KiDs" or "It'S nOt FoR yOu!" are invalid excuses for that upcoming show being a BAD ADAPTATION of MOTU. I'm NOT saying that the show will suck ass and that it's going to be a shitshow... the show has decent animation and an excellent voice cast. What I'm NOT liking about what has been shown so far is that it doesn't look or feel like MOTU. The designs feel generic and derivative. Boy-at-arms looks like Samus Aran's armor... then there's Ram Ma'am... the "It's Ma'am!" Jokes are running about. But I'm not going to specifically talk about MOTU here. I want to talk about show and movies that had HUGE deviations from the Source Material and ENDED UP being Good on their own, DESPITE being "bad adaptations".

Jurassic Park: one of the "better adaptations" or I should say,  one bad book adaptation that delivered a pretty good movie. 

Resident Evil: kinda bad adaptation of the games, but a somewhat decent movie... just steer clear from the sequels.

Do I even HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING!? REGARDING THIS MOVIE!? But to be fair it had Raul Juliá in it so you know it was going to be an awesome performance from him, regardless the horrible bastardization on Street Fighter he was in. 

Even the almost holy

Is a BAD adaptation of He-Man. Where the Clonan who faced various demons and monsters in the Eternian Wastelands gave way to Renn Faire Shazam...

Even Fred Wolf's famous TMNT

Is a bastardization of Eastman and Laird's indie comic TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

The 2012 series was a Bastardization of the Bastardization and it was Great!!

Tim Burton's Batman is an example of a bad adaptation making a good end result and then having abad adaptation "dumbed down for the children"... (the Schumacher sequels)

Riverdale is a decent CW show, but AWFUL Adaptation of Archie.

Just because it's a bad adaptation, doesn't automatically mean that it'll be bad in general...

Even Noelle Stevenson's bastardization of She-Ra was a decent show if one ignores the She-Ra elements.

Do I have high hopes for the show? No.

Do I believe that shows (that were made for kids) should completely lose their identity and their soul because "TheY'rE mAdE fOr KiDs!"? HELL NO! Despite there being plenty of bad adaptations that have proven themselves to be just as good, if not, better than the source material; I don't believe in discarding the source Material. Much less in stripping away everything that makes a property unique and cram it into a generic show that no longer resembles the original... if that's the proce the property must pay to survive, then taking it out of its misery is the better solution.

Māti-kun, mōshiwakearimasenga, 1. 21 Jigawatto no denryoku o seisei dekiru yuiitsu no dengen wa inazumadesu.

 Japanese versions of Back to the Future Quotes!? Kore wa Omoi, Doc-san! Why would I be quoting Back to the Future in Japanese unless there's a BTTF anime coming...

No anime yet, but Japan will be making a Manga novelization of Back to the Future meant for young children (and for weebs) to learn how to read, given the reading level of the intended audience, (elementary schoolchildren and 30-40 something Westerners whose Japanese is limited to anime quotes and Duolingo. Yamete Onii-chan is one of those phrases...) 

This is the kind of remake I could get behind of. It doesn't change the original, in fqct it's a simple adaptation to a different medium where the universe could be expanded (as long as they have the blessing of the BTTF creators) and according to the female who likes to play with my o-chin-chin who refuses to be officially named... something something my blog is embarrassingly unprofessional and she wants her online footprint to be EXTREMELY SQUEAKY CLEAN... so, I'll  respect that. She thinks that Manga Marty looks extremely cute... Cuter than 80s Michael J. Fox she said. And I was like: How can I judge a dude's cuteness while being straight!?  Then we went in a tangent about finding thigs cute doesn't mean that I'm gonna stick my dick in them. It went on for a few minutes and we ended up on whether 2D is better than 3D and we both admitted we'd like to bang 2D versions of each other... depending on the art style. That was a bit of TMI, but apparently Real McFly is a 7 while Manga McFly is a 9.

*update* Manga Doc Brown is a 7.5 real Doc Brown didn't fare so well. The whole looking like Judge Doom is apparently a huge turn off.

But yeah, There's a BTTF manga coming.

Odds an ends Aug 5th, 2021: Skyward Sword, JurASSic Park, and stuff.

 I started playing Skyward Sword HD without Motion Controls: Man, the controls are clunky! Looking around is counterintuitive. Having to press L and THEN use the right stick to look is a pain in the ass. More often than not, I end up drawing my sword at the wrong moments. To be fair, I've just reached the surface and not gotten used to the controls. Will have to try Motion Controls to compare. Also, screw that Stamina gauge!!! It's far worse than BOTW and apparently, it can't be permanently upgraded!

So far the story is what's keeping me from not going to the NES ONLINE and replay LoZ and AoL... or dreaming of the theoretical Linkle's Bizzare Adventure...  but I should try and beat the game before fully reviewing.

Found a pic of the Mattel Robert Muldoon... He has a Removable Hat!! The Vest is removable too... but there is one disappointing thing:

He has a Stun rod... where is his SPAS-12? I know this is due to the trying not to glorify guns in children's toys angle, but  the stun rod still has a gun trigger... guess I'll have to see if I can find a third party 1:12 scale SPAS-12 For him. 

While I'm talking JP toys, I'm going to drop this idea again: Amber Collection breakable vehicles. Both the Jeep and the Explorer... Maybe dropping one of these with the Jeep would be a nice thing.  

Hasbro is making Ninja Turtles Figures too!

Sadly, I'll have to skip on these due to having way too many stuff on preorder at the moment. (Goliath, Marvel Legends, Lightning Collection stuff being the bigger culprits. Then there's the McFarlane ATLAB Appa, and Hasbro's Amazon exclusive Roadblock.)

And fuck, is that yet another Tommy Oliver!?

Let's see: 2 Green MMPRS, White MMPR, Red Zeo, Lord Drakon, Foot Ninja Tommy... that's 6 Tommys not counting Red Turbo OR Dino Thunder Black! 

I'm not going to lie the foot Ninja body looks pretty cool even if it's freaking Tommy. The Pink Ranger is a bit disappointing since it's basically same Pink Ranger we got but with an April head and April accessories. The ranger Turtles look kind of meat but at $55 each 2-pack, well it's a bit hard to get into... if somehow they get to release the turtles outside the Ranger form, I'd get them for the sole fact of them being Hasbro Turtles. Will we get a Lord Zedd Shredder and Krang in a Rita themed Android Body?

Mattel revealed Dr. Grant for their Amber collection and...

 He is exactly what I expected... Not necessarily what I wanted... *checks previous JP themed rant* Nope! He is not exactly what I expected... Mattel went beyond my expectations and added removable glasses.

He has a much better likeness to Sam Neil than Malcolm.dies to Goldblum...

I see they reused the Malcolm flare, but do you see what I see? FOSSILIZED RAPTOR CLAW FOR THE WIN!!

And apparently they still read my blog, because they made this:

The "Alan" Raptor

While they didn't show pics, Robert Muldoon is also coming... Who?

I hope that when we get to Donald Gennaro we get torso splitting action. I have a T-Rex figure and I'm not afraid to use it!!

To be honest these Jurassic Park figures have me more excited than the Masterverse line... I KNOW it's weird, coming from me.

Once again The Winds of Winter it's getting delayed

 It's that time again: George Slow as Molasses RR Martin is giving excuses for his delay on Tje Winds of Winter.  Holy shit it's been 10 years since A Dance with Dragons! But we mustn't worry because some of his other projects are getting done.

When Weird Al Yankovic makes fun of your slow ass, you should get it in gear and start typing Georgie...

At this rate Final Fantasy seven remake will be completed Todd McFarlane will make his Spawn movie and we still won't have the final two books of A Song of Ice and Fire

Green eggs and potato heads: people taking things out of proportion.

 While I criticized the removal of Monsieur Le Pew and the misguided change to Lola Bunny, I am not against the Issues surrounding Dr. Seuss and The Potato Head brand.

I'll start with the Potato Head first...

I bring this cartoon intro up for a reason. Notice how they are the "Potato Head Kids" and not the "MR. Potato Head Kids". Thanks to this toon I met the Potato Head family. Mr. Potato Head might be the Original character of the brand, but it has expanded to add a Mrs. , kids, and pets. In the past other non-potato characters were part of the brand.

OK, since the Potato Head brand now encompasses more characters than just Mr. Potato Head AND they have used Potato Head without the Mr. For other media, it kinda makes sense FOR THE BRAND to be called "Potato Head". With that said, renaming the brand doesn't eliminate the characters of Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head. They still exist and the branding simply cements the entire family... unlike that gloryhog Ms. B. Millicent Roberts who makes everything about her...

Now on Dr. Seuss. No, it's not "cancel culture" and no, Green eggs and ham is not being removed. The estate of Dr. Seuss are chosing which books should be available to everyone based on the Dr. Seuss brand. There was no Outside forces to remove any book... unless it was The Lorax. No, really... 

So you see, they're protecting their brand by stopping the distribution of their own material that is considered racist and problematic. Do I agree with this? Yes and no. Yes, because Volkswagen was made thanks to Hitler, but that's something the company isn't proud of.  So, remember when you're watching the Herbie movies or playing with Bumblebee from Transformers, Hitler made that possible... Do you think we need to be reminded of Hitler everytime we enjoy something related to Volkswagen? No. The answer is no, because Fuck Hitler! So, yes I agree on distancing from past mistakes.

Now I disagree on the removing them from circulation part. Before I get some torches and pitchforks headed my way, hear me out... They shouldn't be made for the Children's section. They should be put in an anthology, made for adults, where you get the stories as they are, but in addition, some historical context of the era when they were written. If possible, using quotes from Seuss himself from past interviews or something. Also, the Estate could use the anthology to deliver a detailed explanation on why said stories have been pushed out of the "children's section".

But then again, what do I know? I'm just an asshole with a blog...

Zorro: Can he be turned into a Videogame?

 That is an interesting question... Then again, Zorro was turned into an anime.

If an anime about Zorro can be made, a Zorro videogame is not that far-fetched...

Sonofa...

There is a Zorro game... and it's awful!! Not only that, but it uses a lot of the ideas I had in mind, but HORRIBLY IMPLEMENTED!!

While I wanted to use the PS4 touchpad as the tool to draw the Z on your opponents, the existing game that I didn't know about until I was searching for the Anime intro uses the Wiimote.

I was thinking of a RDR2 styled game instead of guns using swords...

Uh, Nefty, it's called Ghost of Tsushima...

Grrr...

OK, Ghost of Tsushima does have some elements that COULD work in a Zorro game, I don't want a Ghost of Tsushima clone. 

The mostly realistic swordfighting is something that should be replicated. The vertical exploration (climbing, moving through rooftops) should be adapted to this environment. 

The main focus of combat would be sword and whip fighting. This does not mean that he only uses those. Zorro's throwing knives would be used on special occasions. These would be mostly relegated to scripted events (the dreaded QTEs) and special actions in combat like throwing a knife at a nearby rope outside of sword range to drop a chandelier on your enemies. Or when an enemy has a hostage you can throw the knife to disarm them. (This would be a different type of scripted event)

Gunplay would be limited, since Zorro doesn't kill. The gun would be used to disarm enemies by shooting at their hands. It would be used on stealth sections to intimidate enemies before subduing them non-lethally. It will mostly be used to trigger powder keg  explosions. There COULD be missions where Zorro has to use a rifle to snipe. As his self imposed no-kill rule gets in the way of traditional sniping, your targets would change in order to incapacitate the enemy.

Other non-Traditional Zorro weapons from the era may be used sparingly.

Back to swordplay: 

While you won't face hordes of enemies, they can overwhelm you if you don't "finish them". If you simply knock them down, they'll get up after a while, unless you knock all the enemies in the area before the first one stands. Using area hazards, like a chandelier, a pile of manure, a trough are ways to "permanently KO" an enemy. Tying the enemy down is another way to "KO" an opponent. A more detailed explanation when talking about the Whip. The main two ways to "KO" an opponent with the sword are: Pantsing and Marking.

As you fight and taunt an enemy, a bar fills up. Once filled, use the trigger button and swipe the PS4 touchpad. Using a Horizontal swipe to cut suspenders and a Vertical swipe to cut belts sould cause the enemy's pants to drop and they retreat. Marking is done by swiping in a Z motion. Marking would also be used on Non-Combat Scenarios to fulfill certain missions/challenges.

Whip fighting would be similar to sword fighting, instead of a sword, a whip is used... duh! While fighting with the whip, you may temporarily bind an opponent with the whip until you approach the enemy and tue him with a more appropriate binding item (binding consumables)

Taunting: 

While past Zorro games have him spitting one-liners left and right, here I would like to give control to the player regarding  HOW MUCH Zorro will taunt. Taunting helps fill up the Finishing Move bar faster than using combos alone. Taunting before a combo fills more of the bar than taunting afterwards. On the other hand, Taunting too much will backfire and stop any further increases on the current battle.

Don Diego would be playable in certain missions full of scripted events. Most of them involve conversation trees that can have an effect on future Zorro missions.

For example, The Dons and the Alcalde are discussing how to deal with a fanily of peasants that have land that would be beneficial for a Don if these peasants stopped being there. You get a set of options:

A. Defend the Peasants: This option would make the game harder, since the Alcalde might think you'd warn the peasants and they'd warn Zorro, so he has guards to follow you all the way to Rancho De la Vega.

B. Defend the Dons: This option would make the mission easier for the first part, but the difficulty might ramp up at the end of the mission.

C. Offer a compromise: This option shows some obviously feigned interest on matters. 

D. Show disdain to the entire situation and complain. This option makes Diego look like an incompetent fop, who'd rather be home reading than discussing political matters.

The idea behind these is to allow you access to the often ignored part of Zorro, Don Diego.

These boring sections allow you access for knowledge on the current mission and on possible side missions. These also allow you to infiltrate the Alcalde's "inner circle".

If the Alcalde doesn't trust you, the game will become harder, since you'll lose access to these meetings and the guards will be highly suspect of you. Meaning they'll try to fond ways to lock you up.

Gaining the Alcalde's trust too fast will inspire jealousy from the Dons and they could hire bandits to "persuade" you.

The idea is to balance the trust between The Alcalde and the Dons.

Actions taken in "free roam" mode as Diego also have an effect on the trust. Here the actions would be far limited.

Realistically speaking, the best option is not intervening as Diego and returning at night as Zorro. But for gamers who WANT TO INTERVENE as Diego there would be 3 ways: -Active physical intervention, which involves fighting with a super limited moveset, since Don Diego "is a lousy Swordsman". (This will cause the trust of the Alcalde and the Dons to drop dramatically)

-Diplomatic intervention, which involves talking your way out of trouble and postponing any punishment for the peasants. This involves more conversation trees.

-Bumbling your way out. This option has Diego acting oblivious of his surroundings and causing accidents that force the guards to punish the peasants later. This option would trigger QTEs.

There you have it, my "ideas for a Zorro game". I didn't mention hirse riding, since that is an obvious part... I almost forgot, costume options.

As Diego, you can buy outfits and clothes in town. As Zorro you obtain outfits as you complete objectives, such as marking certain amount of Zs on enemies. Exploring certain areas can yield costumes.

Certain achievemnts would be unlocked by certain outfit combinations:

For example: There could be an achievement called: Marta es el nombre de su mamá if you wear a black mask, black cape, black gloves, black boots, yellow belt, grey shirt, grey pants as Zorro.

 Yes, the ability to change outfits is my nod to Zorro the gay blade.