Apr 18, 2023

Steven Seagal Ultimates

 Think about it: Yes, I know товарищ Сигал is a massive douche canoe. With that said, he's still an 80s icon and one of my idols. I think he's a perfect candidate for Super7 Ultimates:

Whether you love him or you hate him... I know most folks are on the second column, you can't deny that he's right there with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, and Chuck Norris. So, I picked a few possible Seagal looks for an Ultimates Seagal line:
First we got the one I'll dub as "The Original":
This is Seagal's first movie, Above the Law. I know some company released a figure of Seagal based on this specific pose, but that's more like a statue. I want a Seagal with 90s Articulation. I just find this look slightly more Iconic than the Hard to Kill Seagal... though a "Pool Shark" Seagal from Hard to Kill would be cool. Billiards ball on a towel and billiards stick accessories come to mins. 

The second one I'll dub as "The Environmentalist":
This is based on the movie On Deadly Ground. Which has Seagal with a Native American styled jacket and using tons of military weapons. This is still before the decline of Seagal's career.

Now the following theoretical figures follow Seagal after "he fell from grace" and he became the Big Chungus version of himself. Before anyone claims I'm fat shaming Seagal, I am not, since I've been using Big Chungus Seagal as an alternate costume for those "not yet Halloween but it's October and it's a costume party" for years. Mainly because I have a similar body type and it's a put on a ponytailed wig, glasses and a jacket for an instant costume kind of thing.

This one I dub "The Deputy":
It's from the time he was a Lawman. 
For accessories he would get the standard policeman gear.

This one is The Vampire Hunter:
And he's obviously Against The Dark. A shotgun and a katana would be his main accessories.
This last one I dub as The Man:
Since it's based on Seagal himself and not a movie character. Or I should say as how Seagal perceives himself: A man of peace, but able to kick ass if needed.
Giving him a hand with prayer beads sculpted on it to calm himself and giving him a hand with the credit card blade from the Glimmer Man sculpted on it to pay using plastic... Not to mention a handgun, a rifle, a katana, the billiards stick and the billiards ball in a towel... basically an amalgamation of Seagal's most iconic weapons. Also, he needs his guitar. I'd have 3 heads: Bearded, clean shaven, and a singing head (glasses, with durag and removable hat.)

The one Seagal I wouldn't have is "The spiritualist":
He wouldn't cone with accessories other than hands and what the hell I'm talking about? I would LOVE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THIS FIGURE!!
He'd be the "Shen Long" of the Neftyverse.
Say what you will about товарищ Сигал, but he'd kick so much ass as an actual action figure... but there is another Seagal variant... The Comrade...
I know what you're thinking: 
Nefty, there's no way that you're going to suggest Seagal in the traditional Russian hat and a big bulky jacket because Russia is cold. That would be stereotypical and racist.

It would be, if it wasn't for Steven Seagal himself making a Russian ad where he's wearing stereotypical clothing.
Владимир Путин - мой лучший друг на всем белом свете

And now I know why this will never happen... his friendship with Putin when the world's stance is against Putin...

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