What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over Ruthless Terrorist Organizations, brother!? In a parallel world, Sargeant Slaughter never joined GI Joe and instead we got Hulk Hogan. Alas, this is not that. This is a Hulk Hogan dressed in a Military styled outfit, which I was originally thinking of making a Human Rocksteady figure out of. Since the Valaverse Sgt. Slaughter is in a better place now... I thought of reviewing Hogan in his place... and the Classified Sgt. Slaughter too!
Articulation:
Hogan has the standard Elite figure articulation. Pretty much the same as the ye olde Hogan figure I reviewed many years ago...
This Hogan has better articulation range than the plder Hogan, since he doesn't have knee pads getting in the way.
4.5
 |
| Sarge: I don't know who you are, maggot, but I'm the one who gives the orders here! Hogan: Listen up, brother! No one tells me what to do! Because I am a Real American Hero, brother! Sarge: Wait! Orange and ends sentences woth "brother"... By any chance are you sporting ablond Handlebar muatache under the mask? Hogan: So NOW you recognize me, brother! |
Paint and sculpt:
This Hulkster is VERY different from the older Hogan. First he has pants and with pants comes a more detailed sculpt than the standard naked buck... but the best part is the deranged face that screams "I'm going to fuck you up in 83 different ways, brother! And that's before I break out the vaseline!" Also, I love how Oompa Loompa Orange he is
5.0
 |
| Sarge: Hulk Hogan, you son of a bitch! What are you doing at GI Joe Headquarters!? Hogan: Same thing I should ask you, Sarge? Sarge: You ARE aware that I train Joes, right? Hogan: Well, I'll be damned! Cobra and Shadaloo sent me to a parallel Earth! Sarge: Wait, Parallel Earths? Hogan: Yeah... From what I've seen, These Joes are similar but different from mine... Sarge: What do you mean? Hogan: In My world, Mr. Jay dates Flint. In Yours, Flint is a man and dates a Lady Jaye. Sarge: What about Cobra and Destro? Hogan: They're one and the same. Shadaloo supplies weapons and tech to Cobra. Sarge: This is heavy, Hogan: That phrase is from Eric Stoltz in Back to the Future. |
Accessories:
4 extra hands
Removable vest
Mask
Mr. Perfect BaF arms and extra hands.
4.0
 |
| Hogan: President Mondale assigned me as trainer of Joes... Sarge: What about Reagan? Hogan: He returned to acting until Alzheimer's kicked in, brother. Sarge: Who played Rambo? Hogan: Steven Seagal... don't tell me Schwarzenegger is Rambo here... |
Overall:
Whatcha'gonna do when the Hulkster gets a 4.5 as his final score? Drink my mil, eat my vitamins and say my prayers, brother!
But that's not all. The only thing missing is the Sgt. Slaughter HALF of the review...
Let's begin!
Articulation:
Sarge has the standard Classified articulation. Specifically the same range as the Amazon variant of Roadblock with whom he shares his torso. His articulation range is similar to a Marvel Legends figure.
4.5
 |
| Sarge: Remember kids, you can buy your very own Sergeant Slaughter figure at Hasbro Pulse dot com! Hogan: Holy shit brother! You have Laser guns!? In my Earth we only have bullets!! IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER, BROTHER!! |
Paint and sculpt:
I mentioned he shares parts with Roadblock, so he looks more like an idealized version of Robert Remus circa 1986. The likeness in the face is a lot better than the other Sergeant Slaughter.
5.0
Accessories:
Riding crop
Whitsle
Glasses
Hat
Rifle with removable sight and ammo clip
Whistle
6 extra hands
GI Joe figure
5.0
 |
| Hogan: Listen up, Shadaloo bitches, Whatcha'gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!? Now with the help of the meanest, baddest, and toughest sonofabitch I know, Sergeant Slaughter! Sarge: Bison, remember this day, when GI Joe beat your sorry ass and Hulkamania ran wild on you. The fall of Shadaloo is your biggest defeat, but for me, it was Thursday. |
Overall:
Sergeant Slaughter gets a 4.83 as his final Yo Joe! Score. Honestly, I don't think there's any way to improve on this Sergeant Slaughter figure.
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