So, I saw the new MacGyver pilot...

And I'm not truly feeling it. I tried to jot down as much as I could of my thoughts AS it happened, so it'll kinda feel like a play by play but it won't.
Where do I start: Nu Mac... Banged Nikki Carpenter atop a keyboard. I thought Mac and Nikki didn't get along?
Nick Stokes is Jack Dalton!?(I already knew this, but overreaction is needed for dramatic effect) Who now works for what I presume is the Phoenix Foundation?
Usually Dalton gets Mac in trouble through a weird scheme... WTF? NuMacGyver, do you EVEN MACGYVER!?

You mentioned his ANGUS NAME!? FFS DO YOU EVEN MACGYVER!? At least he has the Swiss Army knife... PETE THORTON'S A THIN WOMAN!? 2 minutes in and I figured WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG HERE!

This is a TEAM Show... MacGyver is about a guy who works most of the time alone, stumbles through situations and works his way out of them in unorthodox ways. The times he has back-up, especially from Thornton, Pete's the only important character and the rest are background characters.

This "team" kinda clashes with what MacGyver was...
Wait, did they just Killed the MacGyverisms? Where's Lucas Till's narration of his reasoning for doing what he's doing? flashing Soot + Adhesive = Cloned Fingerprints is a weaksauce replacement for the explanation on why Mac does what he does. Oh, he does it on the second explanation, but Till's reading sounds like he's just blurting it out just to get paid... Still, flashing words on the screen makes it seem stupid... or like the Audience is stupid.

Speaking of Stupid NuMac activated an alarm when taking the TCRI canister...
He escapes with MR.CSI but Nikki got captured by the badguys... Specifically, The Juggernaut, bitch! Nick Stokes gets KO'd by a masked man. So Vinnie Jones shoots both Nikki and MacGyver. 9 minutes in and NOW we get the intro. Wait... Juggernaut shot Havok! Holy crap! So now we have Mr. Boom boom Clap! Boom de clap de clap! jogging.

Wait, MacGyver has a roomie? Wilt? Wasn't there a Wilt on the old MacGyver? At least
they didn't make this Roomie, Billy Colton. Huh, so this guy is Mac's "Beard"?

So, Mac's being haunted by PTSD and having flashbacks of Training with Nikki, or foreplay. Jury's undecided on that one.
She Pete is waiting for Mac and brings him a mission. DXS... One thing you got right. Start
on DXS and move on to the Phoenix Foundation...
Please move to the Phoenix Foundation ASAP. We need to kill the special agent team dynamic and focus on Mac and his lifehacks. So now Mac and Mr.CSI recruit a new Hacker and MacGyver magically unlocks her handcuffs with a paperclip. (we never see how.)

Now Riley is the new Nikki... How long until Mac Taps that?
Great, Nu MacGyver just taught kids how to skip school by making false fire alarms...
Nikki's ALIVE!? (she's a Traitor!! Bitch!)
Is it me or is the show using the sound effect of the wheel from the price is right. Oh look! Juggy is shooting Mac again! and Mac KO'd the Juggernaut in one blow. Now Nick Stokes is interrogating Juggernaut, bitch! Really, Mac Caught up to an Airplane? He forced it to land by damaging the landing gear controls.

So team Mac arrest Nikki and they still manage NOT TO GET THE VIRUS. Mac figures it out and gets to the bomb. He now has to defuse the bomb while an Evil Assassin goes after him. Pancho tosses a gun so Mac can defend himself, but the dude uses it a s a bludgeoning weapon. He removes the TCRI canister from the bomb and goes for a less than 30-second MacGyver spree. Makeshift Parachute from the Truck's tarp.

He may have saved the day, but he lost the girl... Damn! They moved from DXS to Phoenix Foundation in one episode!? How come when I wish for the Winning Lottery numbers I'm not that lucky? Lemme check... Nope! Still poor! Dammit!
Nikki escaped thanks to MacDoofus.

Veredict: This show gets so many things wrong about MacGyver, but the VERY FEW times they get something right, they GET IT RIGHT. I'll stick to the Classic Mac, thank you very much, but it wasn't AWFUL... It's just that Patty and Selma would give this 2 thumbs down... and I would agree with them.