Action figures, Movies, Games, TV shows, things I like, Things I hate, weird news old or recent... they're fair game for my rants.
DISCLAIMER: OPINIONS POSTED ARE EXAGGERATED FOR COMEDIC EFFECT!! Got it?
For Robbie all we need is a new head, since a caotless suit body with the JJJ rolled sleeves complete the look. Also, I believe they have everything for a toon Tombstone aside the head.
Felicia Hardy vs Morbius:
We pretty much have everything for Morbius aside the head. Felicia would require a few new parts.
Spider-Man and Taina:
Spider-Man is the same Spider-Man we got with a new Peter Parker head with the Spidey mask partially over his head. Taina could be pulled off with creative reuse from the Zendaya legends figures and a new head. (I know this set is dark. Bonus points for Hasbro if they make the background extra dark...)
Peter Parker vs Chameleon:
TAs Chameleon would require a lot of new parts. I would also make his belt removable. That way it could be put on figures that are roughly the same size as him to appear that he's disguised as them. For Peter I'm thinking the striped Polo look, which is the one mostly associated with the cartoon over the one we got.
Spider-Carnage vs Uncle Ben:
It's a reuse of the Ben Reilly body with the Carnage hands 2 heads, Spider Carnage, reused Peter. Hasbro will most likely paint the symbiote parts because laziness. Uncle Ben would be mostly new.
Six Armed Spider-Man vs Dr. Connors.
Spidey would require a New torso... DO NOT REUSE THE EXISTING 6 ARMED TORSO!!
Dr. Connors would reuse a lot of the labcoat Reed Richards body and the suit body. Bonus accessory, the Neogenic Recombinator.
Sadly, a Man-Spider can't be made, because it would have to be a build a figure size, well figure.
Madame Web and Ock arms Spider-Man:
This 2 pack might be a bit more expensive, due to Madame Web's chair. The Spider-Man is same TAS Spidey with a new lower torso where the non-removable belt can get ock tentacles plugged into. Reuse the Ock tentacles from the Aunt May 2 pack.
These are from the top of my head... it was a bit hard since I tried to keep double dipping to a minimum. It was unavoidable and I think I covered most of the key supporting characters. Sadly, I couldn't find a way to add pre-mutation Smythe, Deb Whitman, Flash Thompson, Harry Osborn, and Detective Lee.
Before anyone points out any perceived hypocrisy of me making a Legends wishlist, while claiming Hasbro should eat a bag of dicks, just shut up. Making wishlists and trying to figure out what they can do is fun... wishlist doesn't mean support corporate's decisions. I still stand that corporate should eat a bag of dicks... unless they bribe me... Super7 most definitely can bribe me... starting with TMNT... but Happy New Year and stuff! See ya in 2024...
I just found out that Super7 is doing ReAction figures of Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory... as in the movie with Gene Wilder.
That's the main reason I would want an Ultimates Willy Wonka. Sure I wouldn't mind some of the kids as well. The one thing I'D HATE would be the biggest rip-off since Snarf.
$55 Oompa Loompa... notice the fact that I said SINGULAR OOMPA LOOMPA.
At the same time, if the Classic versions can't be made, I wouldn't oppose to The Tim Burton "more faithful" adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... Here I would just get the kids and still debating on Deppwonka.
Whe. SUPER7 does a teaser of an incoming line.. like say:
You get excited and think: "Ooh, Red Sonja Ultimates would look great with Conan figures..."
It's a fucking ReAction line.
"Fuckdammit! Why is this a fucking ReAction line!"
I know I often say Super7 keeps spreading themselves too thin. But at the same time, I get why Parks and Recreation gets a ReAction line instead of Ultimates. It's just that there's plenty of stuff they do for ReAction that would rocl in Ultimates, yet they never happen.
Idon't think I'll be SUPER Deep into 2k3 TMNT to be Honest. It mainly depends on the sculpts. If they're 2k3 Accurate with their blockier looks, I'm more likely to skip. I need compatibility with the vintage line. Kinda like MOTUC. Right now the only thing that might make me rebuy the turtles is: Bigger bodies.
See what I meant by Blockier looks? 2K3 Leo has some weird angular corners where parts should be rounder. Also, you can see the Size Difference. The reason is that I want "older" Turtles for my Eventual MuTeens display. (I had a couple of MOTUC Fanfic customs in my displays. So the tradition follows with TMNT.)
Also, I'm eyeing a 2K3 Casey for a Potential Nick R. Cade 2.0. April would end up as her sister Robyn... and Also, I want Hun and Bishop. Karai in Shredder's Armor would be a nice addition. Nobody is an easy fig for Super7 to make. Baxter Stockman is VERY important for me for a couple of reasons: it's Baxter and SyBertError of the MuTeens is a pair of Baxter Clones. I'm hoping for a human Baxter and a Robot Baxter.
The Shredder clones would be automatically bought. 2k3 Triceratons would be bought. The Fugitoid too! As I prefer the more comic book accurate look of 2k3.
The Utrom Shredder is the big question mark.
But if the designs are blocky, then only the Shredder clones, Bishop, and Baxter might be used. Maybe 2k3 could be the way we could get an Usagi as I want him to look.
But, let's be realistic. It's the vintage inspired style what I'm truly after.
Top top NEEDS right now are:
Krang's Android Body
Traag
Super Shredder
Pizzaface
Irma
Vernon
Burne
Dask
Kala
I get these and I can "call it quits" and feel as close to complete.
Now in addition to those I WANT
Groundchuck
Dirtbag
Mona Lisa
Usagi
Tokka
Rahzar
Chrome Dome
These would round up the villains a bit better. I don't go deeper sonce I don't know thw status of guys like Monty Moose or Walkabout (this one hurts me)
Then we don't know for sure if Super7 can make characters from other media like cartoons, Videogames or the Next Mutation... to name a few. I kind of wish they could do IDW versions, because I would totally buy the IDW Neutrinos... Nobody, Herman, Sally, Jennika and even replace Scratch with Hob. The New Direction is a huge question mark and having to wait until 2024 is torture...
We know they can look for other sources since Guerrilla Gorilla is from a book... and Karai who was Mirage, but other than that there isn't much. Guess we'll have to wait and see...
First, let me take care of the obvious... To my 10-19 readers left on Earth:
And to my most favorite reader of all, Scott Toyguru Neitlich:
Now that I finished reference to my not so forgotten feud that is no longer relevant, we can begin with my thoughts on the Gran Turismo movie.
First a bit of background between Gran Turismo and me:
I wasn't a hard-core fan of the series. I mostly played GT1 and 2 with my younger brother. God bless the GameShark. I wasn't too into it as my brother was. He ended up studying to become a mechanic. Gran Turismo was partly to blame. I don't remember much about the game. All i know is that when I heard the intro to Gran Turismo 2 in Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City, I Yelled Gran Turismo song! at the theater.
I got fond memories of that time. My kid brother was a kid. I was a naive high school student. 28.8kbs internet was the rage. 56kbs was mindblowing. Most importantly Mom was alive... sure in hindsight, the demon that killed her was festering unnoticed then, but she was alive.
I won't bore you with a play by play because the movie itself bored me to tears. It's a feel good underdog movie... like Karate Kid, Cool Runnings, that Tom Cruise movie where he's a race car driver... I'm going to say it: The movie is too fucking long. You could trim 30 minutes and make it more palatable.
It's not bad, just not mindblowing. It's somewhat enjoyable, but other movies have told similar stories and made them better. Glad I caught it on Netflix and not paid to see it in theaters. Much better than Rebel Moon though.
Technically speaking, this was my Christmas present for 2022. USPS dropped it on December 24, 2022 when I had left for work, But Holiday hectic schedule didn't allow me to unbox it until December 29th of the same year. Since this might be my final Advent Calendar, I said to myself: "Self, we know that it's highly unlikely that you'll open up Snake Mountain due to our Mommy issues. Instead of wasting a normal ICFTTC on this, why not save it for the Advent Calend... And you're attempting to put Bebop in a Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball Reference. Save it for the review, man!"
Since this is a vehicle, the standard format won't work, but I'll make it work!
Tatsu: Hurry, we must vanish before the Turtles catch up to us! Rocksteady:It ain't our fault this truck is too small for us minibossman! Bebop: I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!! Tatsu: A Miley Cyrus reference... I'm surrounded by idiots.
Articulation:
Hoo boy! Wheels rotate, but don't turn. Removable doors can be swung open, crane rotates at the base 360° and the crane itself has a hinge that goes about 90° approximately.
There is an additional point of articulation for an action feature:
So, how can I rate this: It has the expected range of articulation. The battle damage has no additional unintended articulation.
4.5
Scratch: MUTANIMALS! ATTACK!! Bebop and Rocksteady: Ow, That Hurt! Ray: I got it Seymour, let's wreck this rig! Mutagen Man: We have Codenames for a reason! I'm Mutagen Man, not Seymour Gutz... Ray: Wait, your full name is See More Guts... If there's a god, he must hate you... Mutagen Man: I ask myself the same thing every day... JB: Ey! One of youse is missin'! Tatsu: kuso kuso kuso...
Paint and sculpt:
Here is where things start to go wrong:
There is minimal paint work and it can be sloppy in some places. In my case the red casing for the siren lights has some silver slop. The truck tires are purposely mismatched. Had to check online images to make sure. Most reviews I've seen have blacker tires in front silver on the back. So, if your truck has "mismatched tires" and not all silver like the prototype, that's not an error.
4.0
Accessories:
This one actually has accessories.
Title Belt
Ladder
2 plastic chains that can be plugged to the crane or wrecking ball.
This doesn't count the breakaway parts.
The Title Belt is an irrelevant accessory FOR MY INTERESTS. If you're buying it for strictly WWE usage, it's a cute bonus... plenty of figures already come with belts, but since the "wrecking ball" is for holding titles or money in the bank suitcases (not included)
4.0
Nefty-kun: Why do I have an urge to hire a maid and have sex with her and pump some iron?
Overall:
The WWE Wrekkin' Rampage Rig gets a 4.17 as its final score. The rig has customizing potential, but the tricky screws to disassemble it in order to prep it might be a bit of a pain. Folks with 3D Printers and 3D scanners could make custom parts like the grill. It won't be a "perfect match" for a NECA Terminator 2 display... a Movie Accurate one would require way too much customizing and far too difficult for beginners. It also could be repainted into a G2 Optimus Prime Alternate mode to work with GI Joe Classified series figures.
Hack Snydurr's Rebel Moon is out. He's already crying bout the Director's cut being a "totally different film"... Luckily, none of the remaining Snyder kids has unalived themselves. His usage of a dead child as a shield from criticism was apparently a one time thing... No, I'm not mocking Autumn's suicide. I'm mocking her father's dickish behavior of exploiting her death to promote his movie. So, Let's see Third Rate Michael Bay who thinks he's the next Kubrick's take on Star Wars.
Space... a vagina spreads up to let a penis shaped spaceship pass through.
I stopped the movie. I just couldn't even. A Space pussy! Then I had to visit some websites because unfortunately Arby's was closed. So after my meat was defeated, I restarted Revel Moon. Couldn't get past the space vagina again. I'm sorry how can I take seriously a movie that starts with a Space Vagina!? We hear a narration in the form of a space queef. Sorry but sounds coming out of a vagina are queefs, so I'll call the narration a queef. Story sounds a bit like Spaceballs meets Episodes 1 and 4... minus the fun.
We see our female or possibly non binary Luke Skywalker plowing a field with a space horse. They dig out a stone and not-Luke sniffs the ground like a pair of used panties and some dude shows up. Then we have some folk dancing and a Barbecue with lots of exposition that may not have a payoff until we get Rebel Moon: Bigger Longer and Uncut. Yikes! The writing is almost as bad as Rise of the MuTeens. Not even 10 minutes in and we're talking about orgies. Yes! I surpassed Scott Neitlich levels of bad writing and graduated to Zack Snyder's levels of bad writing! So Not-Luke passed on the orgy and her grandpa or something is questioning her on why isn't she fucking discount Hugh Jackman. She also got questioned by a blonde friend. There's a star destroyer coming. This causes Not-Luke to crap their possibly non-binary pants and run like a Jedi survivor of order 66.
Oh great now we have the most fun part of the prequels: politics. The orgy guy is arguing with another dude about the star destroyer in the sky. Some kid comes in screaming about the coming of the "Empire". The bad guys are dressed like Nazis. I hadn't seen this subtlety sonce Doogie Howser showed up dressed as a Nazi in Starship Troopers. At least Verhooven is a good director. So the Space Nazis are looking for Cryborg and his sister. Also for food supplies, but orgy man says they have no spare food. Space Nazi not buying that bullshit. Other dude fucks things up for orgy man and orgy man and wife? Are now dead. I swore I saw a lightsaber too! The "empire" made its threat of taking everything and left. I'm envious of Autumn Snyder right now. She doesn't have to see this shitty movie... What a lump of coal in my stocking this is. Seriously, I'm gonna write a scene in MuTeens where Nick kicks Zack Snyder in the dick or something. The "empire" left a small unit of Stormtroopers to ensure they don't get ripped off. Bet this is why Not-Luke and other dude will have to leave the village and Star Wars their not-Star Wars movie.
They dragged Sir Anthony Hopkins into this bullshit!? First it was Michael Bay, now it's Hack Snydurr's turn to piss on Hopkins's legacy. Hopkins is now the Not-Threepio. Hopkins gets humiliated by Nazi soldier #2 and he's told to wash on the river where he sorta befriends blonde girl... who I think is very likely to get raped by the Stormtroopers.
And Not-Luke finally gets convinced to get involved as Blondie was about to get raped by the soldiers. SLO-MO INCOMING!! A fight scene, which is one of the few thing Snyder is good at filming ensues. It only took about 35 minutes to become something better than a snoozefest. There was a soldier who had a crush on blondie but he was mostly background decoration. Anthony Hopkins shows up and the Nazi soldier thinks he's on the Nazis side. "Surprise" Hopkins is one of the good guys. "What a tweest!" Said no one ever. Not-Threepio runs away and the villagers are now afraid of Not-Luke.
Yay flashbacks from Not-Luke as a child soldier... with SLOOOOOWWWWW MOOOOOTIOOOONNNN... I fear the 4-12 hour "snydercunt" version. We FINALLY reached Mos Eisley. A lair of scum and villainy. I finally recognized Not-Luke. She's the evil double amputee from Kingsman! So some fat gay dude wants to sodomize idiot dude who had orgyman killed and Not-Luke kicks his ass. Way to go, Hack... Don't you know it's current year and gay people can't be villains!? No adding a non-binary character doesn't make up for that... Tumblrkin, CANCEL ZACK SNYDER!! Now after talking to a tick, the gay dude comes back armed and we have a SLO-MO SHOOTOUT!
Starting to feel like Rebel Moon is another A New Hope Copycat with a few things changed to look different. Derivative doesn't even begin to describe this film. Todd McFarlane's Spawn, Snyder... that's the movie you ahould be directing. Now some dude in a cloak shot the evil fat gay dude. The dude in the cloak is Scottish Not-Han Solo... let's call him Han Acompañado. (Spanish speakers are groaning at my Dad joke, which is much better than this movie, by the way.) So, Han Acompañado takes Not-Luke and Mr.Bitch on the Millennial Fuck-up to go find "General dad from Gran Turismo", but apparently making a stop along the way.
Now we see the bad guy from the flashbacks plugging himself to the Matrix? Ripping off trans women now, Hack-boy? You're gonna get Sooooo canceled! Wait tentacle creatures groping the space super nazi? So the detour leads to another party member (Discount Jason Moana)that has to ride a space hippogriff... wait are we ripping off Avaturd now? Discount Jason Moana rides the space hippogriff and earns his freedom. The space hippogriff killed the dude that had discount Jason Moana captive... By the way, where the hell is Cryborg?
The Party entered Space Midgar and are on an elevator with some lady dressed like a party city witch. So the Party City Witch is talking to a literal Spider-Woman about a child. I wonder if the nice Nazi managed to be invited into Blondie's country minus the o-r-y? Can we see what they're up to? So Party City Witch turns out to be an Old Lady Elektra and she fights the spider with her katanas that turn into lightsabers. Mr. Bitch is somewhat useful here. Nearly 75 minutes in and we finally got a Jedi...
Fuck Zack Snyder and his bullshit Star Wars awful pitch. It's making Rise of the Skywalker look good! Now more flashbacks... Future Nefty, here's a warning to you... If you watch the Snydercunt of Rebel Moon, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, DO NOT do a Play by Play. This movie is 2 hours and 15 minutes long. We started the review at midnight and it's 6 AM and we still have an hour left of movie... Fuck me, sideways! That's the thing I hate about Snyder movies. I can't watch them in a full sittong, since I have to stop constantly until the eyerolling pain stops. At least with Justice League I had the excuse that the garbage was 4 hours long... but this, has felt longer than ZSJL. The princess is a Jesus metaphor... surprised that Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah isn't in this. Alsp, is that The Dread Pirate Roberts? Fuck me, did they dragged ypu into this piece of shit too!?
But where the fuck is Djimon Honsou? Ah he's at the Gladiator Arena... it's like a reminder of Honsou being in a much better movie. NOT-LUKE convinces the Gran Turismo dad into joining because REVENGE.
We now get the bad guys trying to tie a loose plot thread from a while ago... and that was solved faster than my attempts to solve loose threads in MuTeens... (better take notes or not, if I want to improve...) finally Cryborg shows up with barely a bit over half an hour left of the movie... homestretch, baby!!
BOOYAH!
Cry some more Fisher... I said the B-word. Oh god, Kristen Stewart as Bella has more acting range than Cryborg here. So Cryborg joins the party and Han Acompañado needs to finish his original smuggle run.
The space Nazis arrive to where Cryborg was hiding before being recruited by the main party and lay waste to the world.
Oh look, Han Acompañado was a traitor... Mr. Bitch was more useful than Cryborg... oh no... please tell me that Snyder didn't have the black guy use a spear to defeat the bad guys...At least he didn't chuck it, but
A spear aimed at a gunner knocked the Star Destroyer... That's a load of bullshit. Wait Cryborg does, well anyways, Not-Luke fights the space Nazi that looks like Mr. Crocker from Fairly Oddparents and beats him at a fisticuffs...
So they return in the Millennial Fuck-up back to viking Orgyville wothout Han Acompañado because he dead. Cryborg... he dead too. Now they have an ambiguously androgynous person who may be the non-binary character that Snyder touted. Anthony Hopkins is horny and watches from afar... I mean as he has some elk horns on his head...
Wait Mr. Crocker is still alive!? What a load of shit! And once again ripping off the Wachowskis... Tumblrkin is gonna cancel you, Hack Snydurr. So Crocker talks to the nain bad guy, the "Plapatine" and explains what's going on. "Palps" gets pissed and wait, Mr. Crocker was supposed to be the "Darth Vader" oh god! I think this shit is over now...
It's 8 AM and i finally fonished writing the play by play... fuck this shit.
Three people wrote the script and it's as bad as a fanfic from an mateur, nay, less than amateur writer... so here's the thing. From A storytelling perspective it's bad. The story is all over the place characters are just a series of tropes with no real personality. We follow a pair of dull and uninteresting leads. All the Ray Fisher hype for a performance so wooden that Plank from Ed, Edd, and Eddy complained about the performance. Three "professional writers" and cannot tell a coherent story. The photography was nice. Some action scenes were good. IT'S OBVIOUS that they were made for an R film and toned down to PG-13... like bad Cartoon Network censorship of Dragon Ball Z or Naruto.
If you're a sucker for pain or a masochist, knock yourself out watching this garbage. I'D RATHER WATCH THE DISNEY SEQUELS than to watch Rebel Moon again.
The WWE Wrekkin Vehicle forklift... I know, I say Forklift and everyone knows my brain goes into Shenmue reference mode. It's a Forklift with a basic Brock Lesnar...
Should I talk Brock or should I Forklift?
Alright, the Forklift is a Forklift that has a catapult action activated by removing the top of the Forklift and plugging it into a piece that makes a lever that you slap and send a figure flying...
Normally the Forklift looks like this.
I added a bit of blutac on Ace Duck's face to make Ryo Hazuki's bandage... it's been that way since the forklift arrived in February...
But it can also look like this.
This is a Final Fight reference...
Honestly there's not much I can say it's a forklift and scale with Marvel Legends and Super 7 figures. Obviously they also work with WWE figures since it's a WWE toy but I don't collect WWE. I literally didn't buy it for the sake of sitting Ace Duck on it because Ace Duck looks like Hazuki and you know that Hazuki and forklifts are obvious Shenmue references. I would never do such a thing.
Brock is a basic figure so his articulation is garbage and I don't think I should waste my time on talking about him; since he's going in to the section of the toy chest of stuff that will be forever forgotten.
Like the other WWE Vehicles, the wheels roll, but they don't turn, in the Forklift's case, the back wheels don't turn left and right. The fork part of the Forklift lock at the top or bottom. Not anywhere else in between. Fortunately, this set does not look ANYTHING like the forklift Lesnar actually used on the WWE and looks more like your average forklift.
It has a breakable pallet which is no big deal.
That's not a Sweet Chin Music!
I'm not reviewing this the standard way because the normal metric would be harmful to this toy. Little articulation, nonexistent paintjob, the figure this toy was specifically made for can't properly use it... that's almost as dumb as making a She-Ra that can't ride Swift Wind...
The point I'm trying to make is that this is a fun toy and it also works as a great background decorations/prop for Action Figure dioramas. With some crates and some drums a decent Warehouse setting would be greatly complemented by this forklift. In the Neftyverse you know that if you see the forklift, Shenmue references are coming... ESPECIALLY if Ace Duck is at the wheel.
Or not... I'm still a bit torn. I did mention I had this Grayskull Arena on the back burner for quite some time. I couldn't delay this any longer, because theoretically it's an easy item to review. Shame we don't have the Titantron...
The ring has enough vertical space to look good with Masterverse, which are taller than MOTUC. It's the horizontal area where it falls short... even with origins. I think this Rings being too small for the figures thing has been a common situation with both Mattel and Jakks Pacific.
The steps are a nifty addition.
From certain angles, it looks big enough, but it's in fact smaller. Even for origins, the ring is too small. From Turnbuckle to Turnbuckle the ring is roughly 11.25 inches. It's supposed to be about 16.62 inches in order to be truly to scale with Origins. And 21.6 inches to truly be in scale with MOTUC and Masterverse.
But for a Grayskull themed Ring, Beggars can't be choosers. Like I said earlier, the steps are a nifty addition. They even have weapon holders.
Figures can more or less stand on the ropes, but I wouldn't trust them for permanent poses.
I have to say that I had some serious fun taking these pictures.
I just wish the ring wasn't so jumpy like the real ones to pose the figures better.
Unfortunately the version of the ring that I got was the one that didn't come with John Cena and Triple H. Otherwise I would have reviewed the figures.
This picture showcases what I mean about the ring being too small.
If you want to use it with origins, the colors match a lot better than MOTUC.
Ignore the continuity error
I would have to do some repaints, mainly on the steps because the metal areas are in wooden brown.
I have said most of what I wanted to say so I need to wrap this up... wait, is He-Man doing what I think he's doing?
I should've used some of the WWE figures instead. Especially the big Jabroni...
The Elbow of Grayskull! The Elbow of Grayskull!! It's all overnow!!
And I didn't need to see the Skelenads...
I'm not going to lie, while the place it is kind of fun, I do have a little bit of buyer's remorse. I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something nagging at the back of my head saying like you know what I shouldn't have bought this but it is what it is. Is it fun? yes. It works better with Origins figures or WWE figures despite being I smidge too small.
Should you go out of your way to get this? No. But if you're able to find it at a discounted price by all means go for it and the Snake Mountain one as well. At least with Vince McMahon asking the Masters of the Universe collaboration we avoided the evil horde ring. That would have been cool though. And sadly we missed out on the castle Grayskull themed Titantron entrance ramp.
What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over Ruthless Terrorist Organizations, brother!? In a parallel world, Sargeant Slaughter never joined GI Joe and instead we got Hulk Hogan. Alas, this is not that. This is a Hulk Hogan dressed in a Military styled outfit, which I was originally thinking of making a Human Rocksteady figure out of. Since the Valaverse Sgt. Slaughter is in a better place now... I thought of reviewing Hogan in his place... and the Classified Sgt. Slaughter too!
Articulation:
Hogan has the standard Elite figure articulation. Pretty much the same as the ye olde Hogan figure I reviewed many years ago...
This Hogan has better articulation range than the plder Hogan, since he doesn't have knee pads getting in the way.
4.5
Sarge: I don't know who you are, maggot, but I'm the one who gives the orders here! Hogan: Listen up, brother! No one tells me what to do! Because I am a Real American Hero, brother! Sarge: Wait! Orange and ends sentences woth "brother"... By any chance are you sporting ablond Handlebar muatache under the mask? Hogan: So NOW you recognize me, brother!
Paint and sculpt:
This Hulkster is VERY different from the older Hogan. First he has pants and with pants comes a more detailed sculpt than the standard naked buck... but the best part is the deranged face that screams "I'm going to fuck you up in 83 different ways, brother! And that's before I break out the vaseline!" Also, I love how Oompa Loompa Orange he is
5.0
Sarge: Hulk Hogan, you son of a bitch! What are you doing at GI Joe Headquarters!? Hogan: Same thing I should ask you, Sarge? Sarge: You ARE aware that I train Joes, right? Hogan: Well, I'll be damned! Cobra and Shadaloo sent me to a parallel Earth! Sarge: Wait, Parallel Earths? Hogan: Yeah... From what I've seen, These Joes are similar but different from mine... Sarge: What do you mean? Hogan: In My world, Mr. Jay dates Flint. In Yours, Flint is a man and dates a Lady Jaye. Sarge: What about Cobra and Destro? Hogan: They're one and the same. Shadaloo supplies weapons and tech to Cobra. Sarge: This is heavy, Hogan: That phrase is from Eric Stoltz in Back to the Future.
Accessories:
4 extra hands
Removable vest
Mask
Mr. Perfect BaF arms and extra hands.
4.0
Hogan: President Mondale assigned me as trainer of Joes... Sarge: What about Reagan? Hogan: He returned to acting until Alzheimer's kicked in, brother. Sarge: Who played Rambo? Hogan: Steven Seagal... don't tell me Schwarzenegger is Rambo here...
Overall:
Whatcha'gonna do when the Hulkster gets a 4.5 as his final score? Drink my mil, eat my vitamins and say my prayers, brother!
But that's not all. The only thing missing is the Sgt. Slaughter HALF of the review...
Sarge: Remember kids, you can buy your very own Sergeant Slaughter figure at Hasbro Pulse dot com! Hogan: Holy shit brother! You have Laser guns!? In my Earth we only have bullets!! IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER, BROTHER!!
Paint and sculpt:
I mentioned he shares parts with Roadblock, so he looks more like an idealized version of Robert Remus circa 1986. The likeness in the face is a lot better than the other Sergeant Slaughter.
5.0
Accessories:
Riding crop
Whitsle
Glasses
Hat
Rifle with removable sight and ammo clip
Whistle
6 extra hands
GI Joe figure
5.0
Hogan: Listen up, Shadaloo bitches, Whatcha'gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!? Now with the help of the meanest, baddest, and toughest sonofabitch I know, Sergeant Slaughter! Sarge: Bison, remember this day, when GI Joe beat your sorry ass and Hulkamania ran wild on you. The fall of Shadaloo is your biggest defeat, but for me, it was Thursday.
Overall:
Sergeant Slaughter gets a 4.83 as his final Yo Joe! Score. Honestly, I don't think there's any way to improve on this Sergeant Slaughter figure.
Let's get nuts! If you don't know this is a reference to Tim Burton's 1989 masterpiece: Batman. Now this review is for the 1989 Batman as he was seen in 2023s the Flash. The reason he is on the Advent calendar and not reviewed close to the Flash's release is because Batman Returns is kind of a Christmas movie. It makes sense to have the Michael Keaton Batman being reviewed close to Christmas.
Batman: Wanna get Nuts? Batman: Let's get Nuts! Nefty-kun VO: and then both Batmen went to the nearest warm Nuts vendor and bought a bag of nuts each... and yes, they used the Bat-Credit card to pay for them.
Holy excessive articulation for a 1989 Batman! The 1989 Batman could barely move in that outfit and had to do weird full body turns.
This figure has WAY too much articulation that the actual Batman couldn't use. For that, I am glad. He has the standard McFarlane articulation. The shoulderpads block some articulation and the cloth cape doesn't get in the way. Part of me wishes it had wires... yes it's a nod to Batman Returns, but it would allow for some gliding, falling poses. I know the reason for the non-wired cape is for the Batmobile. I'm still salty about missing out on it.
4.5
Paint and Sculpt:
As always, the face is the least accurate part of the sculpt, but that's a McFarlane thing. Everything else looks awesome. I kinda dislike that the yellow belt was unused in The Flash, because the belt not being yellow bugs me too much.
4.5
Accessories:
The useless card and a useful stand from every figure, that I rarely mention because blegh!
This Batman has 2 alternate fists and his grappling gun and Batarang in silver for some reason.
4.5
Alfred: Here's your Diet Soda and glass, Master Bruce. Batman: That isn't Diet Coke, Alfred. I hope you didn't drink my last Diet Coke, because I rubbed the rim with tissue samples with McGregor's disease... Nefty-kun VO: Coke is not a sponsor of the House of Rants, Batman so you get Generic diet soda!
Overall
Batman gets a 4.5 as his final score. It's decent, but it could've been a smidge better. My issue right now is: Which one is my DEFINITIVE Batman? Arkham Knight's armored Batman or 1989 Batman...
Batman: I'm Batman! Batman: I am Vengeance, I am the night! I AM BATMAN! Nefty-kun VO: Will the real Batman please stand up?
Doc Ock paired with Aunt May made sense because in the comics she almost married Doc Ock. Green Goblin paired with MJ makes sense in the TAS Universe, since he was the one who had MJ cloned out of Hydroman and he also Gwen Stacy'd MJ into another dimension, which brought forward the Original Spiderverse... this just gave me an idea: Spider-Carnage and Uncle Ben Two-Pack! Obviously, Felicia Hardy would pair up well with Morbius.
Aunt May: Oh, Peter, I miss Ben so much... Peter: I miss him too, Aunt May. Aunt May: I feel so alone Peter. Peter (thought): Spider-Sense Is Going Crazy! Aunt May's hand... Aunt May: Oh Peter, looks like something suddenly came up! Peter: Really, Nefty? A Brady Bunch Reference? Are you going to reference that Aunt May has Glimmer's VA?
But Why the Hell is Peter Parker (pink T-shirt and grey Jacket) paired with Smythe? Are we getting a striped Polo Peter? Please say yes! Why not save Smythe and have him as a Legendary Rider with his badass chair?
Kingpin: Where do you think you're going Smythe? Smythe: To get a Martini, shaken not stirred. Kingpin: When were you James Bond, Smythe? Smythe: Nightfire... Kingpin: I am more of a Connery fan, Smythe... Smythe: I could've sworn that Nefty would've made a rapey Kingpin joke by now... Kingpin: Ah, Behold the power of me... I can even make this world's god tremble with fear.
Now that I got my whining out of the way, let's do this. It comes in the "eco friendly package" so let's go into the characters:
Peter Parker:
Nerd, sounds like Prince Eric or Greg Brady from the 90s Brady Bunch movies, looks more hip than classic comic book Peter. Is actually the voice I hear when I read Spidey comics... Kinda looks a bit like Nicholas Hammond, the 70s live action Spidey. This is the Secret Identity of Spider-Man.
Alistair Alphonso Smythe, the Ultimate Spider Slayer:
Bound to a Wheelchair after an accident, his father, Spencer Smythe, a roboticist working for Norman Osborn, built the first Spider Slayer in order to bring Spidey to the authorities, in exchange for technology to build a better wheelchair for his son. Osborn was working for the Kingpin and Smythe was "killed" in a fight between Smythe's Spider Slayer against Spider-Man.
Kingpin brought in the younger Smythe into the fold, allowing him to build more Spider Slayers to avenge his father. Kingpin had kidnapped the Elder Smythe and had him in Cryostasis.
As the younger Smythe figured out he was expendable, he contacted Peter Parker and wait... don't tell me THIS is why he's paired up with Peter. Kingpin found out and had Herbert Landon turn him into a brainwashed Mutant Cyborg, the Ultimate Spider Slayer!
So, now that we know about the characters, let's do the review:
Double jointed elbows would've helped this Reference to the intro be a bit better.
Articulation:
Peter is on a civilian outfit with rolled up sleeves on his jacket. That means single joint elbows aka the Hasbro elbow. Everything else is normal ML styled articulation. His jacket CAN get in the way of some crawling poses (reason why I wanted the striped shirt Peter... most likely coming with Chameleon)
PP 4.0
He can kinda pull off his MvC stance...
Smythe on the other hand has standard articulation, but he feels a bit gummy on the shoulders... and at times the lasers can get in the way.
AS 4.5
Paint and sculpt:
Peter, as I mentioned looks like Nicholas Hammond but something is slightly off. Don't get me wrong, I like the sculpt, but there's something off that I can't quite put my finger on it. Aha! The body is a bit too slim for a TAS Peter. It feels more at home with a comic book Spidey.
PP 4.5
Peter: Alright. Miss Mika, that pose is, uh... Mika: Sexy AF! It shows my best ASSets and a bit of side boob action and I know how big my melons are! Peter: Um... what's wrong miss White? Cammy: Are you sure you're a professional photographer, Mr. Parker. This feels like a sleazy photoshoot from an Adult Visual novel... Peter: Hey! I made myself famous by taking Pictures of Spider-Man! Mika: Wait, you KNOW Spider-Man!? I can't believe that scrawny wimp was able to beat Master Zangief! Cammy: Poor Mika, in love with a gay man... Mika: Master Zangief is NOT Gay! He rejected me for that porca puttana Marissa... Cammy: Because she looks like a bloody man! Peter: Can I just take the pictures, so I can go back to my supermodel wife? Mika: Are you talking about your right hand or your left hand? Cammy: Wait! Aren't you the bloke who married Mary Jane Watson? Peter: Yes! That's me! Cammy: So do you want me squatting and showing my ass, in all fours or rubbing myself on Mika's leg? Peter: This is the last time I do Ken Masters a favor...
Smythe on the other hand is a bit too grey. I know he's supposed to look unnatural, but the people behind the toy based his coloring on night time pictures that make him look darker.
Face sculpt reminds me a bit of Captain Planet.
Other than that, I've no real complaints.
AS 5.0
Accessories:
Hasbro dropped the Ball here.
Peter gets a camera, which makes sense. He has a wristwatch, which is not a big deal. The web shooting hands don't make sense. What he needed was Wall-crawling hands.
PP 4.0
Peter (thought): Spider-Sense going wild, better hide! Kingpin: Why are we here Smythe? If you're going to offer me a back alley happy ending, I have to refuse, because I am a happily married Crimelord! Smythe: No, sir. I'm not gay either! It's Spider-Man! I sense he's nearby! Peter (thought): Crap in a hat! I forgot about Smythe being a Spider Slayer now. Kingpin: Ah, if it isn't Spider-Man's photographer, uh, Peter Palmer! Smythe, you fool! Spider-Man's friend Palmer is here. What you're detecting is people who have been close to him. Stop wasting my time! Let's go! Here you go Palmer! We never saw each other... Peter: Thanks unrecognizable disembodied voice! Peter (thought): Holy crap baskets! Kingpin just gave me 10K for my silence... this would be enough to pay my bills and stay a bit afloat! I know, with great power comes great responsibility! This dirty money should be put to good use.
Smythe on the other hand gets fists... not even laser blast effects to use on his shoulder blasters.
AS 2.0
Overall:
Before I give the final scores, I want to point out something: I FREAKING LOVE THIS SET DESPITE ITS MULTIPLE SHORTCOMINGS. The figures are super fun and having a small TAS display makes.
Peter Parker gets a 4.17 as his final score. I blame Hasbro's odd accessory choices and the slightly limited articulation on the figure.
Smythe on the other hand gets a 3.83 as his final score. The blame lies fully in the lack of accessories.
Peter: Guess the kids at the Wish Come True Foundation for Terminally Ill Children will receive another anonymous donation. For you, Taina... wherever you are.
The two pack combined gets a 4.0 overall score, which is pretty good, but it could've been a bit better.
"You think all it's done, you think all it's well! You can kiss my green ass; I shall see you in Hell, Parker!"- Green Goblin or something... jump!
