Aug 9, 2021

Jungle Cruise: Please tell me that It's a Small World will never happen...

 Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Tomorrowland, and I think I may be Forgetting one more, but Jungle Cruise is Another Disney Ride/Park Section turned into a movie. As long as This never happens, I'm cool with Disney's attempts at cashgrabs based on their rides.

Jungle Cruise how can I describe it: what if Pirates of the Caribbean had protected sex with National Treasure and when Pirates fell asleep, National Treasure emptied the contents of Pirates' condom and some preserved seed from Indiana Jones inside. If you were looking for originality You're at the wrong place.

The premise is simple: Emily Blunt wants to find a mystical plant in the Amazon( the river, not the Bezos company) but needs a McGuffin so, she uses her gay brother (Jack Whitehall) as a distraction. Unfortunately, a Pre-NAZI German played by Jesse Plemmons,  is after the McGuffin as well. Blunt escapes with the McGuffin and travels with her brother to the Amazon, where circumstances have her hiring the most electrifying, pie eating, Jabroni beating skipper that the Amazon could have. There's also a curse that has some undead Spaniards who need the mystical plant.

The movie is entertaining, as long as you turn off the brain for a bit. The Spaniards speak Spanish... except one who you probably suspect who he is due to the obviousness of the Shyamalan twist. It's like a "diet Pirates". Read some reviews that compare it to "The Mummy" movies... yes, I know The Rock was yelling Haku Machente in one of them... but it's also been compared to Moana, that Also has The Rock in it...

I don't think it has potential for sequels but This is Disney... they find ways to complicate Happily Ever After. But The Rock has some horrible Dad Jokes that are reminiscent of the actual Dad jokes from the ride.

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