Dec 13, 2021

Advent Calendar 13: THE MAN CALLED NOVA... and Qubit

 In Spanish the word Nova means nothing... that's s a Latin word for New. Since Latin is the root of Romance Languages, the word Nova is a gendered word... it refers to words that have feminine linguistical connotations. For example Nova Stella, means new star. Novus is the male counterpart. Novum would be the neutral... I'm probably triggering a bunch of people who try to colonize languages with bullshit like Latinx... this is not the rant for that. This is just to point out that The Man Called Nova has a Woman's Name. 

But this linguistical accident comes from a person who didn't understand romance languages well enough to catch this issue. They probably got the name Nova from the term Supernova, which is the explosion from a dying star... Now the phrase "No va" please note that it's two separate words first word being "No", which is the same as the English No; the second word is va which is the third person indicative present of the verb "ir", which happens to be an irregular verb, which means "go". Fun fact the worst part of the Spanish Language is conjugation. As I was saying: "No va" means "Does not Go".  And this long-wonded rant is to avoid the main issue here...

I have no freaking clue what to say about NOVA... he's like a Green Lantern but not quite... all I know is that the first NOVA we had eas called Richard Rider and all I have for this review is literally a dick joke.

It's hard to even figure out an intro when I have nothing... othar than his name. Sure, he was in the New Warriors and the Guardians of the Galaxy, but nothing can top his name Dick Rider...

Nova: Alright Cubit! It seems I will have to visit Earth, my old home...
Here, NOVA is blessed with having standard Articulation. He seems to have pieces of the Bucky Cap body with some new ones. One quirky Articulation point is hidden on his shoulderpads. They can rotate independently of his arm... well, up to a point. 

Cosmic Spidey: If it isn't Nova, former member of the New Warriors and KEY Member of the Nova Corps?
Nova: S-Spider-Man!? You have been imbued with the cosmic power of Captain Universe!?
Cosmic Spidey: Pretty cool, huh? Now, about your name, Nova...
Nova: Not this again... NOVA comes from Latin, it's NEW, it's not Spanish for No-Go... even a Highschool dropout knows that...
Paint and sculpt
As I mentioned before since he reuses parts from Bucky Barnes, most of his Squad we have already seen. I'm not sure if the head is totally new or if it's reused from one of their previous versions of Nova. The one quirky thing I can point out is that the gold stripe on his legs depends painted gold on the golden side. This is something rare to see since we have seen Spider-Man with all the unpainted red pants on the blue parts.

Cosmic Spidey: Nah, I don't mean that tired old joke... it's about your name, Richard Rider...
Nova: Ugh! That explains Ironman proudly holding that massive dildo...
Ironman: Come on, Dick Rider, DO YOUR THING!!

Here is where we don't get much stuff, but despite the lack of accessories we also get a small size character, Qubit, the weird floating helmet with no body... I honestly have no freaking idea is Qubit and what they do. I guess I could say that it has similar powers to Nova himself but I honestly have no freaking clue.

Nova: Time Out! You mean to tell me that you wasted the Cosmic Powers of Captain Universe to make a Dick Joke!?
Cosmic Spidey: The only Cosmic Joke here is your name being Dick Rider... that's the Gayest name one can legally have without being purposely changed like the soldier who renamed himself Optimus Prime... and I asked DareDevil's lawyer, Matt Murdock about it... He couldn't SEE why I asked that question, but he agreed with me that your name is better suited for a gay pornstar...
Ironman: Dick Rider in: Riders of the Lost Cock!
Dick Rider in: the Temple of the Crystal Schlong
Dick Rider and the Ass Crusade
Nova: Are those Indiana Jones Parodies? Where is temple of Doom?
Cosmic Spidey: Temple of Poon would be a straight movie, but I wanna try... Rise of the Dick Rider and Shadow of the Dick Rider...
Nova: Those are Tomb Raider games!!

Mr. Rider gets a 4.33 as his final score. Honestly the lack of accessories is what kind of hurt him a little bit. I know he's a Walgreens exclusive, but pre-existing Repulsor blasts for his feet to sumulate his flying effect or Human Torch flame effects for some of his energy attacks.
Black Cat: Why in the hell are you playing with MY PRECIOUS!?
Ironman: Her Precious!? OH MAI GAAAAAAAAAADO
Cosmic Spidey: I-it wasn't us! You gotta believe me, Felicia!!
Black Cat: Oh great, Spider now has the Power of Grayskull... does this mean that formerly fat prick Kevin Smith is nearby? I still need to get revenge for the Mr. BROWNSTONE BULLSHIT!!
Nova: Bye Fe-
Black Cat: Finish that quote and I'll make sure your name becomes a reality, Richard Rider...

Update: The photos disappeared and I no longer have the figure. Not even the internet archive had them... DAMMIT!!

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