Dec 20, 2021

Advent Calendar 20: Marvel Smash Cousins...


Cousins that SMASH? This must definitely be a Hulk Reference.

For She-Hulk's introduction see the Grey She-Hulk review here. Yes, I intentionally left the second E from here out of the link so it would say her... Is that enough asskissing feminism to get unbanned from Twitter by Hwil Hweaton? No? Dammit!

Maestro is a crappy ToyBiz figure whose torso breaks off by looking at it.
Not mine, but mine broke the same way.

The craptacular ToyBiz figure that breaks off easily at the torso (seen armless Maestros as well)is based on a Bruce Banner from an alternate reality that went mad and took over the world... narf!
He has encountered and beaten Smart Hulk.

Both figures are repaints of Grey Jennifer and the Bruce from the Wolverine 2 pack.
Apparently I never reviewed the First Appearance Wolverine vs Hulk 2 pack.
Since Maestro and Hulk share a body, I shall call them Hulk for the sake of simplicity.
Hulk has a body with articulation similar to his ToyBiz counterpart... minus the toe Hinge. He does have butterfly shoulders, but they tilt backwards for the Gamma clap (an attack not a venereal disease) many Hulk poses are doable) 
Maestro: They don't get paid at all...
Hulk: Santa Hulk run. She-Hulk smash hard!!

with both Maestro and Hulk.

Green Jen is literally the same as Grey Jen. She also sports similar articulation to her cousin minus the butterfly hinges. Despite being a single pin, her elbow has a decent range and it feels almost like a double joint elbow.
She-Hulk:@#$% the Patriarchy!! She-Hulk smash!!
Hulk: Even Hulk's pee pee feel smash...
Maestro: whyyyyy!? My dick! My fucking dick!!

Paint and sculpt
Maestro feels a bit lacking next to Hulk. Maestro's got some airbrushing but it only enhances the shallows compared to Hulk who has airbrushing on the highlights and making him look brighter. The pants on Maestro are a dull Brown compared to Hulk's bright purple. 
The only real differences are the head the necklace and the arm braces. Here the ToyBiz figure was a lot better with a new older looking body and with some of the added stuff Maestro had. Including boots... yes, the boots are a big deal. It's a great sculpt... for Hulk. FOR MAESTRO it's a bit underwhelming.
She-Hulk: The glass ceiling can lick my butt and suck on my balls.
Maestro: You have no balls, you dumbass!!
Hulk: Santa not respect women, bad Santa!! Women great! Women deserve equal pay! Believe women! Please no cancel Hulk Mr. Hwil Hweaton
Hwil VO: It doesn't work that way Hulk. If you do it out of fear of cancelation then you're not an al-
She-Hulk: SHUT UP WESLEY!! NO ONE LIKES A SANCTIMONIOUS PRICK ACTING HOLIER THAN THOU AND BULLYING OTHERS EVEN IF IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE. The only reason YOU cling to feminism is to appear relevant, because you're the butt of sci-fi jokes. You claim to be the king of the nerds, yet you're a mad despot with a thin skin, whose Kingsom is nothing more than an echo chamber. You banish from social media everyone who disagrees with anything you say, even if you're dead wrong. You're almost 50 years old and you act like that petulant bitch Wesley Crusher!! You want to be an ally? Then stop hiding like a coward from people who disagree or SHUT THE FUCK UP WESLEY!!
Hwil: Well, I'm gonna block you!!
She-Hulk: You can't do that, I am a woman and you HAVE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE...
NEFTY VO: and that's how She-Hulk defeated Hwil Hweaton... now I have to hire a janitor to clean the exploded mess that used to be Wesley Crusher from my imagination... I don't have that kind of money...

Jen loses the battle damage from the grey version. I appreciate the muscular yet feminine sculpt. She does look a lot better in Green.
All jokes aside, this is Maestro on Hulk's body and viceversa. The bracers are slip on so you can have a bare armed Maestro if you wish.

Extra fists for Maestro, extra hands and head for Jen... for Maestro they could have have it at least an extra pair of hands or an alternate head with the crown. For She Hulk I don't see what they could have added. If it had been me I would have added a pair of pointing hands but that's a Phoenix Wright joke and not a serious accessory for her.
Maestro 3.5
Jen 4.5

Maestro is not that bad, but it feels a bit lazy and underwhelming. Seriously, ToyBiz tried a lot more to make Maestro different from Hulk.
Despite being a simple repaint, this She-Hulk is a lot better than the gray version. I kind of wish that we could get a classic outfit version of her Revisited... and yes, with the way things are going it might be another year until I touch the Avengers 6 pack from Toys R Us.
Hwil: My plan worked perfectly! Once Maestro lost his dick and She-Hulk forced me to self-destruct, I was able to possess the body of Maestro!! No NO ONE CAN STOP Hwil Hweaton the Uberfeministmensch!
David Hasselhoff VO:  Den Mund Halten Wesley!!

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